


Dancing With our Hands Tied

by ificecanburn



Series: Dancing With Our Hands Tied [1]
Category: Black Lagoon
Genre: Blood and Violence, Dark Past, Dubious Consent, F/M, Gang Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Light Dom/sub, Past Drug Addiction, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Plot, Plot Twists, Resolved Sexual Tension, Romance, Semi-Public Sex, Sex Trafficking, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-02-19 07:09:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 54,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13118667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ificecanburn/pseuds/ificecanburn
Summary: "Eventually I ended up in Roanapur. Don't we all wash up here, in the end?"How did a military brat from the States wind up in bed with a Triad boss?An original story set in the Black Lagoon universe. Everything in the main story remains the same, but there's one extra assassin on call, and behind the scenes Chang has a lot more going on.





	1. RPG!

**Roanapur, Thailand,1996**

Fuck, it was hot.

Usually, Astrid didn't mind the Roanapur heat. It was one of the things she liked about the place. She liked being able to go out at night unrestricted by the cold, liked moving indoors to out, unhindered. Especially at night, she liked the way people spilled out onto the streets, and how you could leave a place without the signpost of getting your coat. She liked the heat, had spent most of her life in hot countries, but today was too damn hot, and she wasn't in the mood.

Revy's only AC unit was in her bedroom, and Astrid was sprawled out on the couch, sleeping off the night before. It was past midday, but she didn't want to move, even though her mouth was dry and she needed a smoke. Just a few more minutes.

The door opened, and Astrid opened one eye, looking at the intruder from under the arm she had slung over her face, comfortable in the knowledge her Beretta was within arm’s reach. But it was only Rock.

"Bedroom," she said in a gravelly voice, smirking slightly at the blush creeping up the Japanese man's face. She was in her underwear and a tank top, no bra, like that was such a big deal. You'd see more walking down any given street in this town, but Rock had always been different. She listened to Rock walk down the hall into Revy's room and reluctantly rolled off the couch as she heard him try to get her up.

Astrid walked over to the sink and looked briefly for a glass, before giving up and taking a drink directly from the tap, holding her long dark hair back as she did so. Then she splashed her face a few times, cooling herself down and waking herself up at the same time.

Revy came back in, smoking a cigarette, trailed by Rock, who politely offered one to Astrid.

"Work?" Astrid asked Revy, taking Rock's offering and leaning forward so he could light it for her.

"Yeah," Revy replied, rubbing the back of her neck and looking up at the ceiling, still seeming half asleep. "Last minute job." Revy glanced at her for a second, and Astrid could see the wheels turning; it was always obvious with Revy. "Maybe you should come with," she added, seeming amused for some reason.

Astrid had known Revy long enough to know there was something going on that she was missing, but she was too hot and hungover to care right now. And besides, working with Lagoon Company was always a good pay-day, not to mention they had the support of Hotel Moscow, making jobs for them relatively risk free... relatively.

"Sure," she replied, shrugging and heading over to where her clothes lay crumpled on the ground. Cigarette hanging from her mouth, she tugged on her low rise, bootcut jeans, and brown weathered moto boots.

"Who's the job for?" Astrid asked, making use of the two hair ties around her wrist, one to tie most of her hair up into a messy, half arsed ponytail, and the other to tie her white tank top into a crop top. She left her jacket where it lay on the ground. It was too fucking hot, she'd get it later.

"Dunno," Revy said, Rock by her side, looking uncomfortable. Which meant she knew. Astrid shrugged, kneeling on the floor with her hand under the couch, looking for her cigarettes. She found them, but the lighter was missing. Whatever. Finally, she fastened her brown leather thigh holster around her leg and secured her gun. She felt gross. She wanted to brush her teeth or take a shower, but that all seemed way too complicated right now.

"Whatever. Ready when you are." She put her worse for wear pack of cigarettes in her back pocket and found her lighter in there, too.

The Lagoon Company office was a short walk from Revy's apartment, and an almost equally short walk from Yellow Flag, which was exactly the way Revy liked it, and exactly why Astrid had crashed at her place the night before. Revy was a friend, sort of. As close to a friend as you could get in Roanapur. They went back. So sometimes the pair of them went drinking when the rampant testosterone in the city got to be too much.

They arrived in no time, and the mystery of Revy's amusement was answered the moment they stepped inside.

"Hey, glad you could join us," Mr. Chang greeted Revy with his back to the door as the three of them entered the room. He was flanked by four of his little brothers, all of whom Astrid knew by name. His presence woke her up better than that splash of cold water back at Revy's had. She walked to stand parallel with the sofa, over his right shoulder. He paused almost imperceptibly, shifting slightly, then continuing as though nothing had happened, not looking at her, and answering Revy's question about what she had missed. But he knew it was her.

Embassy bombings, terrorist organisations, and the Triad's offices blown to Timbuktu. Sounded like a real shit show. Astrid focused on the Lagoon Company team standing opposite her, Revy and Benny laughing at Chang's story about how he threatened to crush a Bulgarian's nut, Rock looking vaguely morally affronted about the whole thing, and tried not to stare at the back of Chang's head. It had been a while since she'd seen him. Longer since they'd... it'd been a while. The combination of his presence and her hangover wasn't helping her concentrate.

Revy glanced at her from across the room, still laughing, and raised an eyebrow with a smirk. Revy just loved pushing buttons, and Astrid knew she found it amusing to watch her try to keep her mask up around this man, who's cologne she could smell from where she was standing. Two Hands could dish it out, but she couldn't take it. Even the slightest hint of teasing regarding her obvious feelings for Rock and she'd fly off the handle. Which was exactly why Astrid left the poking and prodding to Eda.

Satisfied that her entertainment for this mission was sorted, Revy moved to the window while Chang explained about the briefcases. Four decoys, one with the actual documents. Astrid blinked, and the next second Revy was throwing herself across the room yelling something it took her a moment to process, and all hell broke loose.

"R-P-G!"

Chang, along with everyone else, stared at Revy for a moment, then he moved so quickly it was almost inhuman. Astrid had just begun to turn when he leapt off the sofa and slammed into her, bringing her to the ground with him on top just as the windows exploded and the office turned into a warzone.

Slowly she opened her eyes, her ears ringing, finding Chang's face millimetres from her own. His lips were moving, but she couldn't hear a word. Then, all at once, her hearing came back to her, along with all her other senses.

"-you okay?" Chang was saying, his hand on her chin to make her look at him, his other arm propping himself up so his weight was no longer on her. Her body ached from the force with which he'd tackled her to the ground, and her head was still ringing, but Astrid had the feeling both of those issues would go away soon enough.

"Yeah-" she started to reply, at the same moment Chang's 'little brothers' and bodyguards got to their feet and rushed over, guns raised.

"Dailo, are you all right?"

Chang stood up, pulling Astrid to her feet in one swift motion that made her head spin.

"I'm fine. Man, these guys don't waste any time," he said, taking his guns from his little brother, dual Berettas, the same make as Astrid's own, and a cigarette, which someone else lit for him. Chang asked for the emergency exit, and Revy volunteered to show him.

"Great, a guided tour," Chang quipped. Behind his sunglasses, Astrid knew his eyes were on her, but then he turned away, his whole focus on the issue at hand like she wasn't even there. Taking her cue from him, she drew her own Beretta from the holster on her thigh and cocked it, moving out of the way of the door right before Chang and Revy smashed it down.

Revy had been trained by Chang, the only person in Roanapur with more skill as a dual wielder than her. Together they made a deadly team. Lagoon Company, with Astrid in tow, followed in their wake, Rock clutching the briefcase to his chest.

"Chang's cleared a path for us!" Called Dutch, leading Benny and Rock out onto the balcony, Astrid bringing up the rear and shooting a couple of stragglers that had arrived after Revy and Chang had blown through the hallway. She followed them over the balcony, hearing Chang call out the password as they piled into the car, knowing what it was before he said it.

"Don't forget, the password is -!"

The five of them in one car didn't make for a particularly comfortable experience. Revy, who had shoved Rock in the back before getting in herself, followed by Astrid, was sitting in the middle seat with one foot up on each chair in the front. She pulled out her cigarettes and took one, offering the pack to Astrid who accepted. She rolled down the window before lighting off Revy's who got her light from Rock. The car was already stifling.

"Next time you have a surprise job for me," Astrid said, her head tilted back against the seat, eyes closed, "I'll pass."

Revy laughed, her usual cackle,

"Aw, comon'," she said, nudging Astrid painfully in the ribs. "How often do we get to see the boss man in action, amirite?"

"Speaking of which," Rock said, in his careful, analytic tone, "Astrid, do you know Mr. Chang?"

Astrid would have rolled her eyes if they hadn't already been closed. Revy laughed, even louder than before.

"What makes you say that, Rock?" Astrid asked, curtly, not opening her eyes.

"Well, he didn't so much as greet you when you came in, I admit," Rock continued, obliviously, "but when Revy gave the warning he went right for you, and knocked you down to shield you from the blast. It was like he didn't even hesitate."

"Yeah Asti, what was that about?" Revy asked gleefully, nudging her in the ribs again and earning a sharp nudge back. Astrid took another drag while Dutch raised an eyebrow at Revy in the rear-view mirror.

"I dunno, Rock," Astrid replied, keeping her tone nonchalant, "chivalry?"

"I don't think so," Rock pushed, earning him a groan from Dutch, "a guy like Chang-"

"Rock, what have I told you about where nosiness gets you in this business?" asked Dutch, cutting Rock short while struggling to be heard over Revy's laughter.

"I'm sorry," said Rock, "I didn't mean-"

"It's fine, Rock," Astrid interrupted, pulling out the hair tie holding up her hair and letting it spill over the back of the seat. "Yeah, we know each other. But I haven't seen him in a while. Shut it, two hands," she added to Revy, who was still in stiches.

"And if you know what's good for you, Rock," Dutch said from the front, "you'll keep that bit of information to yourself."

"I understand," said Rock, after a brief pause where Astrid was sure she could hear the gears turning in his head, "If information like that, that Mr. Chang considered you someone worth protecting, got into the wrong hands, it could be..." he trailed off, searching for the words.

"Bad," Astrid finished for him. "Yeah."

A couple of days later, job done without a hitch (unless you considered Rock getting himself kidnapped a hitch), Revy, Rock, and Astrid found themselves drinking at Revy's place. Astrid had stopped by to pick up her jacket, which had stayed crumpled on the floor where she had left it. Rock had already been there. Astrid knew better than to comment; nothing wound Revy up tighter than teasing her about Rock, especially when Rock was there to hear it. Eda liked to push that button, even going as far to flirt with Rock when Revy was around, but Astrid knew better. Glass houses, and all that.

So, Revy had just handed Astrid a beer like it was implied she would be staying, and the three of them set about getting drunk. After beer number five they were out of cigarettes and started a game of rock, paper scissors to determine who would go out to get more.

"Ah, shit! No fucking way you guys, one more round!" Revy slammed her half empty beer bottle down on the coffee table, making it foam up and spill over.

"Come on, Revy, we've already done best out of five," Rock said, diplomatic yet firm. "If you don't want to make good on the deal just say so."

"Urgh, fine," Revy screeched, standing up and grabbing some cash from their outstretched hands, "but you cock-suckers had better not drink any of the good stuff while I'm gone."

"What good stuff would that be?" said Astrid, before draining the last of her beer. "And get reds, Revy, none of that weak ass shit." Revy waved a hand over her shoulder as she left to indicate she had heard her. She shut the door to the apartment, leaving Astrid and Rock alone.

Rock sat on a battered chair, tie loosened, nursing his beer. Astrid sat on the floor opposite him, knees up and back against the sofa, playing with her lighter.

"Hey, Astrid?" Rock said after a moment or two of comfortable silence.

"Yeah, Rock?" Astrid replied, standing up and heading over to the fridge for two more beers, even though Rock was still only half way through his last. She returned, opening them as she went, and was setting the bottles down on the coffee table when Rock spoke.

"You don't have to answer me, and I promise whatever you say won't leave this room," here we go, thought Astrid. She had been wondering when this was going to come up again. "But how exactly do you know Mr. Chang? By that I mean, what is your relationship with him? Does he have something to do with how you ended up in Roanapur?" He paused for a moment, contemplative, and drained his beer. "I just can't figure that guy out."

Astrid sighed. His last comment put her on edge. A lot of people wanted information on Chang. If it had been anyone else... she would have told them to go fuck themselves. She didn't like talking about herself, or her past, and she especially didn't like talking about Chang.

But, she thought, Rock was different from everyone else in Roanapur. At least, Revy saw him that way. And Revy wasn't the type to live with her head in the clouds. He wouldn't try and use anything against her, and he wouldn't talk. Shit, hadn't Revy said the same when they had been trying to get him back from the group holding him hostage? He won't talk, even if they put him in front of a firing squad.

"This doesn't leave this fucking room, Rock, you got that? Not a word or I swear I'll take you out myself." She kept her eyes on his while she spoke so he knew she was serious, and he nodded. "Okay then." Astrid took another long drink, trying to think where to start. How could she explain how a military brat from the USA had ended up in bed with a triad boss?

Astrid's father had been military, U. S. of A., not particularly high ranking, due in part to the fact that he had shit for brains. By the time Astrid was ten she had lived in six different countries, the family moving with her dad to wherever he was stationed. Her mother was an alcoholic waste of space who cowered at her father's rage and took her feeling of powerlessness out on Astrid when they were alone. Not all GIs were heroes. Astrid's father was the kind that was sent to the front lines to be cannon fodder, but somehow, he just kept coming back, like a bad habit. He hated himself, hated his life, hated his family. He probably had PTSD or some bullshit like that. Whatever, it's not like the name mattered. All Astrid knew was he was a mean bastard. She'd spare the gory details.

Well, a man like her father couldn't fly under the radar in the army forever. They were stationed at a military base somewhere in the middle east when he started to get paranoid that he was about to be called up for disciplinary measures. That's when he'd had the bright idea to go AWOL, family in tow. Astrid had been eleven at the time and had fought him as he dragged her out of bed in the middle of the night, only to get smacked around for her troubles. He told her to shut up and do what she was told. They got all of three miles before they were caught, and her shit-for-brains father had started shooting. The rest, as they said, was history. The military fired back and that was that. With her parent’s dead, act one of Astrid's life was over.

Act two involved being shipped back to the states and put in "The System," with her own personal social worker, and a carousel of shitty foster homes and even shittier Homes, with a capital h. Life then had been grey; grey skies, grey concrete jungle, grey walls. Cops were not to be trusted; they fucked girls like her over. Astrid had been sixteen when she ran away, sixteen and three days when she had been caught. Stupid fucking idea. But she hadn't known any better.

And so, began act three; the traffickers.


	2. In The Night

**Chicago, U.S.A., 1987**

Astrid had known her captors. That was usually the way. These guys groomed their targets for years, hunted within the foster system, girls who would be turned out on their own, nobody's business but their own, at eighteen, so what would it matter if they went missing a couple of years early?

She'd been dragged into their apartment kicking and screaming, but soon shut up when she was put in front of their 'boss', such as he was.

"Hi there, Asti," Jake, tall, dark, imposing, looked down at her, smiling in a way that was supposed to look reassuring but just looked predatory. "Sit down."

Astrid didn't move.

"SIT DOWN!" he screamed, making her jump, and she did as she was told. "Good girl. Now, Astrid, explain this to me, because I'm fuckin' confused, alright? I thought we were friends? Ain't we always been nice to you? Well?" he pushed when Astrid didn't reply, "Ain't we?" She nodded. "See that's what I thought. But then I hear you run away, and you didn't even think to come to us?" He shook his head, tutting, "that ain't right. We take care of our own, Asti. We're a fuckin' family. We trust each other. But you... you've gone and broken that trust, you understand? UNDERSTAND?!" Astrid jumped, again, and nodded quickly.

Jake stood up, pacing around her.

"You're going to have to earn that trust back, you hear?" Astrid nodded again, gripping the sides of the kitchen chair she was sitting on. "Good girl. See, I knew you'd get it. I knew you'd understand. Now, because we care about you, see, we're going to take care of you. Give you a roof over your head, a bed to sleep in, food to eat. I hope you realise how lucky you are, Asti. Not many girls get this kind of treatment. You know how hard it is, out there? You're lucky not to be on the streets. Lucky, we found you. Go on now, get out of here." Astrid stood up and left, shoved along by another guy who's name she didn't know. 

She was brought to a small room with three mattresses on the floor, two other girls already in there. Girls Astrid recognised. They looked worse for wear.

"There you go," said one of the guys Astrid didn't know, the one who'd grabbed her by the elbow and steered her to this room. "Go to bed." It was early, but Astrid wasn't going to complain. She sat down on the dirty mattress, knowing she was well and truly fucked.

"It's okay, hun," said the eldest looking girl, Megan, who'd been in the same home as Astrid for a time. Megan came and sat next to her and started pawing at her hair, over affectionate in a way that made Astrid squirm away. "It's okay, you'll see. They ain't so bad. They take care of us! They're so sweet, give us everything we want, treat us like we their queens! You'll see..." Astrid looked around the dank room, no longer listening, looking at the other girl who looked like a shell of a person and comprehended, for the first time, what a huge mistake she had made.

They started with the drugs quickly.

Heroin wasn't cheap, but it kept the girls quiet and compliant, completely out of it in their own little world.  Easier to handle than if they'd been jacked up on crack. Astrid didn't want to take it. That didn't matter.

"Stay... still..." grimaced Tyler, whose job it was to hold her down. Astrid struggled, crying, trying to pull her forearm away from the needle, but it was hopeless. She was a teenage girl, and they were much stronger. Soon the needle pierced her skin, none too delicately, with all her thrashing around, and she choked out another sob. Then nothing mattered. Everything was okay. Everything felt... great. Astrid stopped fighting, Tyler stroking her hair, saying "good girl," over and over.

The next morning, she felt fine. Good, even. No hangover, no nothing, except for the slightly sore and swollen spot on her inner arm where she'd been injected. It wasn't so bad, really. Hadn't everyone said heroin was some serious shit? Astrid had never done drugs before, but even with no tolerance, she felt... fine.

"Mornin', sweetheart," Kane greeted her from the kitchen, as Astrid, bleary eyed, wandered in. It was past noon. "You enjoy yourself last night?" Astrid hesitated, then nodded, slowly, only half lying. Trying to think how to play this. "Good. Do you want to try some more?"

Astrid was smarter than she looked. She knew where this was going. Did she want more? Well... she was fine, after that first hit. And it had felt good. And damn, everything else was so shit. It was the first time she'd felt good in years... maybe ever. What did she have to lose? But her time at school on military bases, the last time her life had any real structure, kept coming back to her. She remembered her dad, and her mum, both drunk, sometimes worse. Discipline, hard work, denying yourself, those things had been drilled into her by her teachers. Don't be a fuck up; that lesson had been taught by her parents, who died riddled with bullets, friendly fire.

Naively, she shook her head.

"No?" Kane frowned. "Hey, Jake!" He called, and Astrid realised she'd made another mistake.

"WHAT?!" Jake called back, not moving from his spot on the couch in the other room.

"Astrid says she doesn't want any more." Astrid heard Jake stand up, walk into the kitchen to join them.

"Asti," he said, slowly, shaking his head, "we're trying to make sure you have a good time. This shit is expensive, you know? And we buy it. And we ask for nothing- nothing! - in return. You could at least be grateful. See, this kind of shit, makes me think we can't trust you. You a fuckin' snitch, Asti? Or you think you're too good for us?" Astrid shook her head, keeping her mouth shut, quickly learning her lesson. "Then you want some more?" She nodded. "Good girl."

They injected her again, and Astrid quickly forgot why she hadn't wanted any. It felt good, really good... not as good as the first time. She zoned out, two puncture holes in her arm now. Why did she ever fight this? This made everything okay...

When she came around again she knew she was in trouble. Nothing felt good without the heroin. Which wasn't a change, nothing had felt good for a long, long time. But the contrast made the bad feel unbearable. It was too easy to take their drugs and forget that she was being held captive in a dirty apartment in a dirty city. It made it easy to forget what was inevitably coming.

The next time they drugged her the same amount had less of an effect, but Astrid acted like a lightweight, pretending to react like she had the first time. She zoned out on the sofa, head back, staring at the ceiling, enjoying a buzz of euphoria that made everything easier, wanting more but holding firm. They were happy to give her less than the other girls if she didn't need as much; it was cheaper that way.

Astrid had her suspicions about what was to come, but they were confirmed when she was put in front of the cleanest part of wall in the apartment, the one patch that had been painted white, to have her photo taken.

"Brush your hair, for fuck's sake!" Astrid caught the hair brush that was thrown at her and ran it through her hair. "Better."

She stared straight ahead as her picture was taken.

"Asti," it was Jake, now, appearing out of nowhere, always watching, as was his habit, "you speak paki, right?" Arabic, Astrid thought but said nothing.

"Yes," she answered. She'd been taught Arabic when she'd lived in the middle east.

"Told you, Israeli is best," He said, no longer speaking to her, "easier to forge, no one keeping track, no visa necessary, and she speaks the language so she'll pass." His lackeys nodded, like they knew any better, none of them knowing that pretty much everyone in Israel spoke Hebrew.

And so, they made up documents for her, in the name of Aurora Levy, eighteen years old, Israeli. Passport, birth certificate, the works. It looked legit, too. Someone else was financing this operation.

Their departure loomed. Astrid didn't know where they were going. They kept drugging her, but she had built up a tolerance while pretending she didn't need much. They'd upped her dose a bit, but not much. So, Astrid wanted to shoot up, pretty much all the time, especially when everything around her turned to utter shit in her darker moments, but when she was high she wasn't totally out of it.

They dragged her into the living room a few days before they were supposed to fly out. All of them were drunk, or high, or both.

"We'll fucking ask her, won't we!"

"Yeah, yeah... hey, Astrid!" She was shoved into the centre of them all, her heart pounding. "Tell us something. Are you a virgin?"

Astrid's mind started working a mile a minute. What would work better in her favour; a lie, or the truth. Then she caught Jake's eye and knew he knew. He knew everything, she thought. If she lied, her punishment would be worse. So, she shook her head, no, thinking of the dirty cop who'd held her freedom for ransom and accepted only one kind of payment.

All the boys surrounding her sounded off, either laughing, booing or both. Rounds of _I told you so_ , and _fuck_ filled the room.

"Virgins are worth more," one guy said, angry.

"Who cares?" said another, "like those slanty eyed fuckers can tell?"

"Well if she's not a virgin," said Jake, silencing the others, "there's no reason not to sample the goods, is there?"

The other boys all quickly agreed.

They took turns.


	3. High for This

**Roanapur, 1996, Present Day**

"Wait, Israeli?" Rock interjected, "Why Israel, of all places? Surely a US passport would have been better. After all, you were American."

Astrid had been telling her story with less detail than how she was remembering. She told Rock she had been a military brat, travelling around, and how her parents had been killed. She'd told him she was put in the system, ran away, and got caught by some guys. The question was a valid one.

"You forget, I'd travelled around a lot as a kid, mostly around the middle east," she said, "my accent was a bit mixed. Also, I spoke passable Arabic, though I admit not Hebrew. I can pass for Israeli. But maybe most importantly, you're forgetting the goal these guys had; trafficking girls across borders. The Israeli passport and documents are easier to forge than American ones, and they get you into almost as many countries visa free; specifically, Cambodia and Hong Kong. Not to mention the US tracks it's migrants, much more so than other countries. Not exactly ideal if you'd prefer someone disappear."

Rock thought for a moment, then nodded.

"Yes," he said, "I can see that." Astrid snorted.

"Good." She replied, "Maybe one of these days you'll actually be able to pass for a criminal. Anyway..."

Astrid never figured out who those guys had worked for. She doubted very much they were their own bosses. They didn't have the brains to organise an operation like that. When they had started making up documents for her, all of them saying she was eighteen, discussing her virginity and sampling the goods, she knew what the score was.

"They were sending us to Cambodia," she said, "via Hong Kong. But I wasn't going to let it get that far.”

They had drugged the girls up before arriving at the airport in the US. Not enough to be obvious, but enough to keep them compliant. Astrid knew she was going to get out at the first opportunity, with that fake identity, the only sure-fire way to get away for good. With her lower dose, she was much more cognisant than the other girls, but that didn't matter. She had hoped to get away before boarding the first plane, but they kept all their documents until the last minute, sorted in folders like they were on a school trip. They gave them their documents to go through security, but getting away at that stage wasn't realistic, and Astrid didn't trust law enforcement.  So, she found herself on a plane to Hong Kong, still slightly drugged, planning the whole time what to do once they landed.

Luckily, bringing heroin on an international flight from the states wasn't realistic, and once in Hong Kong, her captors decided the flight risk was largely over and gave the girls their own documents. Clear headed, in possession of the papers she needed, and one of several girls they needed to discretely keep track of, Astrid could slip away.

 "It was easier than I thought," she told Rock, who was listening with a furrowed brow. "Said I was going to the bathroom, never came back." Rock laughed, but it was half hearted. Astrid got the sinking feeling he was starting to feel sorry for her. There was nothing worse than pity.

"So..." Rock said, slowly, "you were all alone, in Hong Kong, at sixteen?"

Astrid nodded.

"But you didn't speak the language, you didn't have any money, and you were-" Astrid laughed, cutting him off, and Rock blushed, stopped short of discussing her drug addiction, however mild, however managed.

"I know, right? It was pretty touch and go, for a while. And I wasn't going to make the same mistake as last time, wandering around waiting to get caught." She reached for her cigarettes out of habit, but of course, they were out. "Fuck, where is that bitch with our smokes? Anyway," she threw the empty pack across the room, "I had my fake Israeli identity, Aurora Levy- yeah," she added, seeing Rock begin to open his mouth, "that's where that comes from- and I knew my best bet was to get to Israel, or I was shit out of luck."

Rock had heard some people call Astrid "Aurora." When she had first arrived in Roanapur she had kept the fake name, until Chang told her it would be smarter to go under a name that didn't have a rap sheet. So, she went back to Astrid; no one was looking for that bitch.

"So, I stole what I needed; food, clothes, money. By the end of the week, I had some clothes, enough cash to start travelling, and a bag to put it all in. And when I got there... well, you tell me, Rock? What does a supposed eighteen year old with no education do?"

Rock thought for a moment.

"You joined the army," he said, sure in his answer.

"Bingo!"

Israelis were required to serve a minimum of two years in the defence forces, no matter what, so why not join up straight away? Besides, army life was something Astrid knew, even if she had hated it. They gave her room, board, a pay check, and even something to do with her time. It had been an issue at first that she didn't speak Hebrew, and had raised a few eyebrows, but she just said her family had been Arabic speaking and she'd travelled around a lot as a kid. She picked it up, eventually, and served in the Israeli defence forces for five years.

"They taught us hand to hand combat- Krav Maga- and how to shoot. I worked mostly with rifles, as a sniper."

Five years had flown by. Astrid had been kept so busy by the constant training and combat that she had never really stopped to think about what she was doing. But after she had turned twenty-one- at least, when she thought she had turned twenty-one; her documented age was twenty-three, and she wasn't really keeping track- the shackles of military life had begun to chafe.

"I was fighting for a country that wasn't even my own, for a cause I didn't give a shit about. I was just a pawn to them. Killing people because they told me to. I was told when to sleep, when to eat, when to take a piss. And military life- every military- always has that extra bit of shit you have to take, as a woman."

Years ago, her dad had given her the idea of how to get away. But she was smarter than him, with nothing to weigh her down. And besides, Aurora Levy didn't exist. They had tried to find her family after she disappeared, tried to figure out where she might go, but there was no family.

"I left the country." She said, simply. "I couldn't travel under that passport anymore, so it was slow going. I had to do some pretty fucked up stuff to survive. The weapons I stole from the defence forces helped," she grinned, looking so much like Revy for a moment that Rock drew back. "Eventually I ended up in Roanapur. Don't we all wash up here, in the end?"

Rock drained the last of his beer, then leaned back in his seat, staring at the ceiling, thinking.

"Okay," he said, finally, looking back at her, and Astrid wondered what he was seeing now. She'd not shown Rock what she could do yet, not really. It was more practical to wield her Beretta in Roanapur, where most hand to hand combat would end with a quick gunshot to the gut, and sniping took too much planning for the jobs they did. Was he now seeing an Israeli defence forces trained soldier, a runaway, a girl trafficked over from the U.S.A. ... what?

"Okay," he repeated, "but that still doesn't explain how you know Chang."

"Hey, you asked if he had anything to do with how I got here," Astrid retorted, draining her own beer and then gesturing with the empty bottle towards Rock, "and he doesn't, so now you know. I met him when I got here, or not long-"

The door banged open and Revy arrived, a paper bag under one arm.

"Fucking finally," Astrid said, holding out a hand for a pack. Revy emptied the contents on the table and let Astrid get her own, which she did with an eye roll. "You get lost or something, Two Hands?" She put a cigarette between her lips and lit it.

"Ha fuckin' ha," Revy spat, throwing herself down onto the sofa and swinging her boot clad feet onto the coffee table. She tossed the almost out cigarette hanging from her mouth into the ashtray, and lit another, before pulling a bottle of whiskey out of the paper bag. "Rock, get us some glasses. Anyway, what the fuck were you two so chatty about before I interrupted?"

Revy tried to sound like she didn't give a damn, like it was an afterthought, but Astrid knew that was what she really wanted to know. She wondered, not for the first time, if Rock knew how Revy felt about him. Shit, she wondered if Revy knew how she felt about him. Astrid didn't begin to know how to untangle that mess.

Glass houses.

"I was telling him how I met Chang," Astrid said. Revy already knew, mostly, so there was no point in hiding it from her. No point, except...

"Hah! No fuckin' way," Revy guffawed, and Astrid threw her head back onto the sofa, staring at the ceiling, waiting for it to stop, "you're like a steel fucking trap about that guy. Well, go on." She leered at Astrid and took another drag, "tell us all about lover-boy."

"What?" Rock interjected, returning with the glasses "'lover-boy'?"

Astrid sighed again, and threw Revy a dirty look that clearly said, 'thanks a lot'.

"Okay, okay. I was getting to that part. But I swear, Rock, one word," she picked up her Beretta from where it lay on the coffee table and aimed squarely between Rock's eyes. Rock visibly swallowed, and Revy tensed.

"You'll take me out," Rock answered, and Astrid lowered her gun. "Got it."

"Good. As long as we're on the same page. Now, where was I?"

"You'd arrived in Roanapur," Rock answered, and Revy sat up.

"Wait one damn minute!" she all but yelled, and Astrid felt a headache coming on. "You mean you told Rock what you were doing before you got to this shit stain of a city? I've been trying to get that info out of you for fuckin' years and you're still tight fisted about it!"

"Well tough shit, Revy, I'm not telling the whole story again!" Astrid replied, stubbing out her cigarette in the ashtray and immediately reaching for another.

"Rock, you're telling me every word this bitch told you later, you got it?" Revy growled, pointing right at him.

"Uh..." Rock wavered, looking at Astrid, "well, I did agree, none of it would leave this room-"

"That doesn't apply to me, shit for brains! It's my fucking house!"

Rock looked at the two women on the sofa, and Astrid shrugged.

"Whatever, Rock. It's not like it was some big fucking secret. Now," she took a long drag, "can I finish this story, or what? I'm not the one who wanted to tell it in the first place.

"Yeah," Rock said, pouring three large glasses of whiskey and sliding two across to Astrid and Revy "sorry. Please, continue. You arrived in Roanapur."

"I arrived in Roanapur," Astrid repeated, taking the glass and noticing that for once she seemed to have Revy's full attention. "And I had to make a living, just like everyone else. I soon found out there's only one thing for a woman to do in this fucking city unless you want to sell it on a street corner. Isn't that right, Two Hands?"

Revy chuckled, and Rock looked confused.

"I ended up working at Rowan's place, which is actually where I met Revy here. I started off doing the stage show. I had my own routine- latex body suit with my ass and tits hanging out, you'd have loved it-" Revy took what could only be described as an angry drink of her whiskey, and poured herself another, "-and I'd do the group shows, the messed-up stuff, whips, and bondage." Revy chuckled again. She had always liked the whips.

"Not really my thing," Astrid continued. "Eventually, I got taken off the group shows-"

"Yeah," Revy interrupted, "after you fuckin' scarred half the girls on the payroll!"

Astrid had hated that fucking job. Those girls were too soft, and she was too strong and too angry.

"Didn't hear you complaining, Revy," Astrid shot back, which wiped the smile off Revy's face. "So yeah, I switched to hosting. I still did a solo routine, on a slow night, but mostly I was on the floor. And that's where I met Chang. What?" she asked, looking incredulously at Rock, "you thought it was going to be some romantic bullshit? Not in this town. Yeah, I met him at a strip club." 


	4. Six Inch Heels

**Roanapur, 1994**

Astrid had been working at Rowan's place for almost a year, and had the routine of it down pat. She had graduated from stage shows to hosting, for the most part, although she would still do the occasional routine, on nights when Rowan had a gap in the line-up that needed to be filled.

That night, the night where she had first really grabbed his attention and held it, had been one of those nights.

She'd been dancing when they arrived, conspicuous in that they were better dressed than most of the regulars, and in a larger group. Rowan's attracted a lot of loners. Astrid noticed them crossing the room from her vantage point on stage. It wasn't the first time Chang had brought a potential business partner to Rowan's place. Every time he came, Astrid couldn't help but feel slightly uncomfortable.

Mr. Chang didn’t frequent the strip club on his own time, but whenever he had a deal in the works that needed a little lubrication, Rowan's was his go to place. His presence, and the presence of his business partners, made Astrid feel like a light was being shone into the darkness of the club, and illuminating everything for what it was. Dancing and shaking her ass for the losers that usually filled the place didn't bother her; they were all down in the gutter together. But Chang's eyes, watching her from behind those dark sunglasses, always made her feel exposed. Almost judged.

It was with relief that she finished up her stage show, and ducked backstage to do a quick change into a black latex dress that came to her knees with a slit up the side, and propped up her tits. She touched up her makeup, wiping away the sweat that had formed while she was dancing.

"Hurry up, Aroura," Melanie called, using her alias, sticking her head around the door, "we need bottle service." Astrid swore. She had hoped to have a smoke before going back out on the floor. But that would have to wait. She headed out into the darkness of the club, with its low red lights that were supposed to look sexy but gave everything a slightly sinister tinge... though that was sexy, to some. At least, to those who came to an S&M club.

Chang's group were in the back, at what was the closest thing to a private booth in the place. They were smoking, talking, several girls already hanging off them, looking for tips, hoping to sell a private dance. Astrid brought them over a bottle from the bar, a large chilled bottle of vodka.

"Ah, here's the drinks!" said Chang, in that cheerful, half laughing tone of his. He looked up at her, and his eyes lingered for a long moment. He wore sunglasses, even in the dark club. It was impossible to read his expression from behind those glasses. Not taking his eyes off her, he reached in his breast pocket and pulled out a roll of bills, separated one and handed it to her.

"Thank you," Astrid said, taking the tip and slipping it into her dress. "Can I get you anything else?" Chang looked around at the rest of the group.

"What do you think, do we need anything else?" he asked, leaning back against the booth and lighting up another cigarette.

"I can think of a few things," one of his companions replied, leering at Astrid before blowing kisses her way. The whole group laughed, except for Chang, and of course the two body guards standing behind him like statues. Chang didn't laugh, but the same impassive, slightly amused expression remained on his face. The men turned back to talking amongst themselves, and Astrid left, suppressing a shudder. The hairs on the back of her neck were standing on end. She could feel Chang's eyes on her back.

Astrid went back to her hostessing duties, serving drinks as well as keeping the girls organised. She kept one eye on the door in case anyone who needed seating arrived, but that was probably unnecessary. The only important party who were likely to show up were already seated. Asti kept her other eye on them, as often as she could spare it, which meant she caught every gesture in her direction, and saw when Mr. Chang stood up and walked towards her.

His bodyguards stayed where they were, apparently deciding that a bunch of strippers didn't pose much of a threat.

"Excuse me," he said, loudly, over the music and uncommonly polite. Astrid was used to being addressed 'hey, baby!' at best. 'Excuse me,' wasn't one she heard a lot. She looked up at him, his eyes still hidden, but with a charming smile, that same smile he often sported, like he was in on a joke. What Mr. Chang said next surprised Astrid even more than 'excuse me.'

"I'd like to apologise for my companion’s behaviour," he admitted, while over his shoulder said companion made lewd gestures. He seemed genuine, smiling at her, slightly abashed, clearly aware of what was happening behind him. A smile of her own broke over Astrid's face, despite herself, though she found herself at a loss for words. "Will you accept my apology?" Chang asked, imploringly, "please, miss, I'm out on a limb here." He spread his hands in front of him, waiting for her response. Astrid nodded, still smiling.

"I accept your apology," she conceded, not adding that it was the first- and only- apology she had ever received as a stripper.

"Thank you," said Chang, still smiling in that way of his, like he knew more than he was letting on, like he was two steps ahead... Astrid would spend hours trying to pin down that smile. "And now I wonder if you could help me with a dilemma. See my... friends," he said the word with a raised eyebrow, "would like a private dance from one of the ladies here. I'd hoped you could recommend someone... experienced?"

"Tough skinned?" Astrid said, filling in the blanks.

"Exactly. Can you help me with that?" Astrid nodded. After all, it was her job. "Thank you."

Later that night, someone broke the 'no touching the merchandise' rule. It happened semi-regularly, though Rowan employed bouncers who did a good job of keeping the patrons in line. The smart thing to do was to leave it to the bouncers to handle, but Astrid was impulsive, and that night Chang's presence put her on edge. She felt his eyes on her a lot, though his dark glasses made it so she couldn't be sure. He was watching when the too-drunk loser grabbed her ass and went for her tits, she knew, because he stood up as though he was about to intervene, his bodyguards reacting with him, like trained dogs. Astrid handled it before Chang or the bouncers could, putting him on his back and snapping his wrist with a sickening crack that couldn't be heard over the music. He yelled, swearing, and was forcibly ejected from the building by the bouncers, who arrived a few seconds later. Out of the corner of her eye Astrid saw Chang sit back down, a wry smile on his face, though that was nothing new.

Rowan called her into his office at the end of her shift and tore her a new one. Asti stood there and took it, biting the inside of her cheek to keep from talking back. Rowan was a petty bastard, he just needed to vent and if you didn't push your luck he'd get over it. But if you talked back, he'd punish you with less hours for weeks.

"We have bouncers for a fuckin' reason, you get that?" he said, waving a cigar in her direction as he spoke, "I don't want my customers getting scared off because a girl here turns into G.I. Jane when someone touches her ass! It comes with the fuckin' territory, got it?" Astrid didn't respond, but Rowan knew she wouldn't. "Get outta here," he said, waving her towards the door to let her know she'd been dismissed.

She left through the backdoor, and had been surprised to find Mr. Chang standing in the back alley next to the bins, smoking a cigarette. He was a surprising guy, she'd come to learn, and clearly found her shock amusing.

"Didn't mean to startle you," he said, grinning, and Astrid found her voice.

"You didn't," she said, stubborn, and Chang chuckled.

"Okay then," he said, still smiling, and Astrid stood there slightly awkwardly for a moment, not knowing what he wanted or what to say, but also not feeling like she could leave without his say so. Finally, Chang broke the silence. "I saw how you handled yourself in there, tonight," he said, "not many strippers know those kinds of moves."

Astrid didn't answer. She watched him carefully, her heart-rate starting to rise, deciding it was better to stay quiet than try and talk herself out of it. It had been over a year since she'd gone AWOL from the Israeli army, and she was sure the heat had died down by now. Even if it hadn't, it wouldn't follow her to Roanapur. But she'd learned you couldn't be too careful. It was better to say nothing than say something that could give you away.

"What's your name?" Chang asked, breaking the silence.

A pause, just a second too long.

"Aurora." Chang raised an eyebrow.

"Your real name." he said, and though his tone hadn't changed Astrid heard the demand in his voice. He wasn't going to be defied.

"Astrid." Astrid had replied, the hairs on the back of her neck standing up as she said it. She hadn't used her real name in over six years.

"Astrid," he had repeated. He stared at her, for what felt like an uncomfortably long time. "That's not a name you hear often. Where are you from?"

"It was my grandmothers name," Astrid replied, dodging the question in a way he noticed, making him laugh slightly again. But he didn't push her on it.

Astrid's family, on her father's side, had been Scandinavian. They'd immigrated to the United States in the early 2oth century. Her father had wanted to keep the royal sounding name in the family.

"A stripper with a fake name is not uncommon," Chang said, finally, approaching her, taking out another cigarette and lighting it, "but a stripper with enough martial arts training to take down a guy twice her size..." he blew out a stream of smoke over her right shoulder. "Who are you?"

Astrid didn't answer. The question hung in the air. Then Chang took of his sunglasses, and looked at her properly for the first time. His eyes were dark brown, and warmer than she'd imagined. Eventually, he spoke again.

"Okay then," he said, finishing his cigarette and stamping it out underfoot, clearly deciding not to keep questioning her. "See you around, Astrid." He walked away, a black car pulling up as he approached the mouth of the alley way. Chang got in and drove away into the night.

The next night things were back to normal. The place was filled with the regulars, no one got fresh. Astrid's shift finished at 10pm, and she was greeted by a familiar face.

"Hey, Revy," Mel greeted her, waving, "Rowan said you'd be back."

"I'm not back," Revy corrected, her temper flaring, "I'm making real money now, why would I come back to this dump? Hey, Aroura," she said, and Astrid nodded in response, smiling. She and Revy had gotten on well when they worked together. They'd both had similar attitudes to Rowan and his bullshit, and would sometimes drink together after a shift. "You free?"

"Sure, Revy," Astrid said, "I'll meet you at the bar."

A few minutes later, changed into her streets, she found Revy sitting at the bar with two glasses of rum in front of her. Revy pushed one of the glasses towards Astrid as she sat down.

"Thanks," she said, taking the glass and drinking, "how've you been, Revy? Haven't seen much of you since you left all this greatness," she gestured around the bar, and Revy snorted, lighting up a smoke.

"Been busy," she said. Astrid and Revy had only worked together for a couple of months before she left for bigger and better things. Soon Revy was known throughout Roanapur as "Two Hands."

They chatted for a while, drinking steadily, Astrid buying the next round, before Revy changed the subject.

"So, that guy who was in here last night," she said, leaning back in her chair, one arm lazily dangling over the back, "Mr. Chang." Astrid raised an eyebrow.

"You heard about that?" she said, and Revy laughed.

"Yeah, I heard about it alright. Anyway, what did you think of him?"

Astrid shrugged.

"I don't know," she said, truthfully, "he was... impressive, I guess. Not a man I'd cross. Why?"

The whole truth was that Chang had left a real impression on her. Not so much when he had been in the club, then he had just been another mafia boss, maybe one that dressed a little better than average, and made her a bit uncomfortable with his eyes on her. But outside, in the alley, when it had just been the two of them, he'd had a way of making her feel like she was standing on solid ground. It had felt like the world was a game, and they were on the same side. It wasn't a feeling she trusted, yet.

"Well, you made an impression on him, I guess," Revy said, "apparently you took down some dude twice your size. Anyway, you know that job I left this shit hole for?" Astrid nodded. "Well, I went to go work for him. For Chang and the Triad. He taught me some pretty good moves, and got me these sweet new guns," Revy pulled out one of the silver pistols from her shoulder holster and waved it in front of Astrid. A Beretta 92F, with ivory inlay.

"So that's what you do, now?" Astrid asked, "you work for Mr. Chang?"

"Nah, I left a little while ago, joined up with Lagoon Company. You heard of it?" Astrid shook her head, though now she thought about it she might have heard the name mentioned. "It's a good gig. But I'm still on good terms with the boss man, and he knows I used to work here." Revy blew smoke out over the bar. "He's a good guy to work for. Pays way better than this place. You could finally ditch the latex and make some real cash. If you're interested," Revy reached over the bar and grabbed a pen and a napkin, "go to this address, give 'em your name- whatever that is, now-" Astrid raised an eyebrow, but Revy just grinned and didn't say anything else, "and talk to Chang."

Astrid took the napkin and read the address.

"What is this place?"

"Triad headquarters."

 


	5. Dark Times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone who's read this so far. 
> 
> The chapter titles are song names that I felt worked for the chapter, or listened to while writing. If you want some extra atmosphere, go listen.

**Roanapur, 1996**

"So, Revy introduced you to Mr. Chang?" Rock asked, pouring himself another drink. Revy and Astrid looked at each other.

"I mean-"

"Not exactly-"

"Not in the way you mean it."

Astrid sighed and lit another cigarette, leaning forward and resting her forearms on her knees. She took a long drag and exhaled, looking at Rock.

"Look, Rock," she said finally, "I don't know how much more there is to tell you. Revy's already more or less spelled it out. You know what I do. It goes without saying that I met Chang, and started working for the Triad, doing what I do now. And the rest..." she shrugged. "Fill in the blanks. Unless you need pointers?" Revy tensed visibly, and Astrid almost regretted the words... almost. She was getting tired of story time. She was getting a headache. She didn't like talking about the past, about her and Chang and their... relationship. For lack of a better word.

"It's getting late," she continued, "I'm tired. And I'm sick of talking about this." 

Rock looked at her for a long moment, then nodded.

"Okay," he said, looking down and nodding again, "I think I get the picture now, anyway." Revy was looking at Rock, saying nothing.

"Great," Said Astrid, smoke still hanging from her lips, standing up, slightly unsteady from all the booze, "well, that's all, I'm going home. Thanks for the booze, Two Hands." Astrid pulled on her denim jacket and headed for the door. "Have fun, you two."

She shut the door behind her before Revy could make a comment, and started walking. Her place wasn't far. Roanapur at night was no place for a lady, but luckily there were none of them around for miles. She smoked steadily as she went, thinking about Chang, despite herself. Remembering the next part of the story she hadn't wanted to keep telling.

**Roanapur, 1994**

Astrid hadn't immediately gone to Triad headquarters after speaking with Revy. At twenty-three she felt she could honestly say she had learned how to take care of herself. Girls liked to throw that phrase around a lot; I can take care of myself. Usually it just meant that so far, they had been lucky. But Astrid really had learned, and the lessons had been hard. She'd fucked up a lot when she was younger, got herself into some bad places. She tried not to be so quick to put herself in unknown situations anymore.

Then one day, when she'd shown up to work, there had been a gift for her.

It was addressed to _"Aurora,"_ quotation marks included. When she opened it, she found a Beretta 92FS Fusion, complete with holsters, ammo, and a cleaning kit. She knew who it was from. It was a generous gift.

Who would arm someone they planned on hurting?

And so, the next day, on her day off, Astrid made her way to the address Revy had scrawled for her on a napkin. Like Revy had told her, she gave her name to the guards at the door, and was let in without much hassle. She had to wait around for a while, but not for as long as she'd thought. Truthfully, she would have liked longer sitting in what could be called the lobby. It would have given her more time to collect her thoughts, and more time to prepare herself to deal with this man. Not much got under her skin anymore, but she found herself nervous to come face to face with this man. Before she knew it, she was being ushered into an impressive office, with Chang sitting behind a large desk.

She felt more relaxed once the door closed behind her.

"Astrid," Chang said, gesturing to the empty seat in front of him, and offering her a cigarette from a pack he pulled out of his breast pocket. He was dressed the same as he always was; a black suit, although in his own office he had taken off the jacket, with a black tie, and dark sunglasses. She felt underdressed. "I trust you received my gift?"

Astrid sat, and took the cigarette he offered, leaning forward so he could light it with an engraved silver lighter.

"Yeah," she said, after she exhaled, "thank you. It was generous."

"The Beretta is my personal favourite," he replied, "although I thought the 92 would suit you better. I never asked, the first time we spoke; do you know how to use a gun?"

"I can handle it," Astrid had replied at once. Chang raised an eyebrow.

"You have experience?"

"Yes."

"Training?"

"Yes." A pause followed, in which Chang expected her to elaborate, and Astrid refused.

"Okay, I get it," he said, finally, smiling, raising his hands, "you don't want to tell me about your past. Tell me this, instead; what else can you do? You took down that scumbag in the club the other day, bare handed. Was that a fluke?"

Astrid shifted slightly in her chair and bit her bottom lip (an old, bad habit), her mind racing. She felt like she could trust him, but she hadn't survived this long by listening to her heart. He could be trying to get enough information to confirm who she was, get her arrested or court martialled... but fuck, he clearly wasn't Israeli, and no one else would be looking for her.

"I'm trained in hand to hand combat," she said, finally, not identifying the specific martial art as Krav Maga, a signature of the IDF, "I can take care of myself, as long as no one gets a gun on my back," in the military, someone always had your six. In Roanapur, you watched your own back. "And I can snipe." Chang, who had been stubbing out his cigarette, paused. She'd surprised him.

"You're a sniper?" he asked, looking at her intensely, in a way that made Astrid feel like she was about to be caught in a lie. She felt compelled to tell him the truth, and more, besides, but held back.

"I can snipe," she repeated, carefully. Chang let the silence sit for a moment, considering her.

"Have some free advice," he said, "keep that to yourself. It's always a good idea to hold something back, in case you need it. A skill your enemies- or your friends- don't know about." He finished his cigarette, and stubbed it out in the ash tray. "In any case," he continued, "in the job I have in mind for you, no one should be able to get a gun on you, if you do it right. I must warn you, I find the idea... distasteful. I have my orders from Hong Kong, but it's your decision whether you take the job. It pays well, though. Better than a month of working in that shit hole will get you."

"What's the job?" Astrid asked. Chang lit another cigarette.

"It's a hit," he replied, getting straight to the point. "You pose as a whore- don't worry, you shouldn't have to actually do anything, unless something goes wrong. And if something goes wrong, it'll be your life or your integrity. I know which I'd choose."

Astrid exhaled smoke through her nose, her eyes steadily on him. He'd never have to choose.

"We'll send him your way, to Rowan's, if you like. You pick him up, go back to his hotel, and once you're alone you take him out. Quietly. Can you, do it?"

Astrid thought for a moment. She could take the guy out, if they were alone, no problem. But then...

"And how do I get out?" she asked, "This guy, he must have people around him, or it would be an easy job, you wouldn't need me."

"No worries there," Chang said with a grin, clearly pleased that she had figured that out, "this guy, as you called him, has a hooker habit. He does this a lot, which is why we're confident we can get you in, in the first place. When it's done you leave the room, and ask for Diego. Say he's supposed to pay you. Just act cool, and then get out of there. By the time they check up on him, you should be clear. We'll have people to get you out. So, I take it you're taking the job?"


	6. Dark Times Part II: The Life I Chose

Chang's plan went down just as he said it would.

Astrid was working the floor at Rowan's, just like most nights, except this time she was supposed to offer extra services. Rowan and the girls were all in on it. It was just like any other night at work, except tonight she was expected to kill a man.

It wasn't the first time her job had involved taking a life. She had killed people in the military, although in that case there were several layers between pulling the trigger and your pay check; country, duty, international law. But all those times she had been dressed in fatigues, with a team behind her. Now she was wearing the usual slutty garb she wore when she worked Rowan's, but with specially chosen thigh high leather boots.

Her mark arrived, and he took the bait remarkably easily. Astrid just had to point her tits in his direction and he called her over. Much to her distaste, she spent a good hour flirting and stroking his ego, sitting close to him and trying not to gag on his cologne. The other girls did a good job, steering clear but not so much as to make it obvious, occasionally glancing over, but discreetly. Finally, Asti's mark leaned over and said into her ear, his hot breath repulsive; "how much for the night?"

Astrid smiled. "I think you can afford it," she said, smoothing the lapels of his jacket.

Soon she had him alone at the top of one of the few high rises in Roanapur. The only light came from the moon, streaming in through the floor to ceiling windows. The lights of the city glittered behind the man seated on the sofa, his eyes on Astrid in a way she found didn't bother her. She had a job to do. She stripped, until she was completely naked but for her thigh high boots. Concealed inside was a small, very sharp knife. Her mark put out his hands for her, and she approached the sofa and straddled him. His eyes were on her tits, hands roaming over her back. Astrid played with his tie with one hand, while the other slid into her boot and pulled out the knife. Then she raised a finger to his chin, and lifted his head to look at her face, stretching his neck perfectly in the process.

Astrid slit his throat.

She would remember the look of surprise on his face for as long as she lived, as well as the intense adrenaline rush that shot through her and made her feel almost as though she had left her body, watching this scene. Hot blood spurted out of his neck at a rapid rate, bursts coming in time with his heart rate, covering Astrid's face and naked body. He tried to put his hands up to his neck, to stem the blood, but Astrid held his wrists firmly. It didn't take much effort; he was losing his strength fast. Not that he could have stopped the blood, since she had slashed his carotid artery.

Eventually the blood slowed to a dull trickle, and his eyes glazed over. Astrid released him and stood up. In the moonlight, the blood looked black. It covered the sofa and soaked into the stark white carpet. The moonlight made everything black and white, a sharp contrast. Astrid looked to her left, where a large ornate mirror hung. It showed her in full length, naked but for her boots, covered in blood that looked black, the only light spots her eyes. She looked strong. Powerful.

Astrid figured she had at least an hour, even if this guy had a rep for being the world’s fastest lay. Her heartrate slowly began to return to normal, and she took in her surroundings in more than the utilitarian way she had cased the room when she first entered. Never in her life had she been in a room as luxurious as this. The floor to ceiling windows wrapped the room, giving stunning views of the city and the ocean. Astrid pulled off her boots and left them in a heap on the floor, feeling the plush white carpet beneath her feet.

In the kitchen, there was a bottle of champagne, already chilled, with two glasses. Chang had been right, this guy had had a hooker habit, enough of one to have a routine developed. Astrid opened the champagne and poured herself a glass. Fingerprints wouldn't be an issue; these guys weren't going to go to the cops. So why the fuck not? She toasted the corpse. Astrid wandered around the room leisurely as she drank, eventually making her way over to the sliding door that lead out onto the balcony. She opened it, leaving a smeared bloody handprint on the glass, and stepped outside. She shivered as the air hit her skin, still slightly damp with blood, which was drying fast. But it wasn't unpleasant; the Roanapur heat could be relied upon, as usual. She drank her champagne and thought about what had just happened.

She'd never killed anyone with a knife before. It had always been with a gun. The knife had been much more personal, she had felt it the moment the life left his body. Astrid found it hadn't bothered her as much as she might have thought. Roanapur had a way of robbing you of your morality. It leaked out, day by day, until nothing was over the line any more.

When she finished her drink, she wanted a smoke. She went back inside and approached the corpse, searching inside his jacket pockets for cigarettes, and instead found a cigar and lighter, protected from the blood by the high-quality lining. Grinning, she cut it with her knife, lit up, and smoked.

The last thing she did was take a shower, tying her hair up so it wouldn't get wet. There was blood in it, but wet hair might raise red flags, and in any case her hair was dark and the blood was dried. It wouldn't be noticeable to anyone who wasn't looking. The shower, like the rest of the room, was huge and luxurious. Then came arguably the most difficult part, leaving without arousing suspicion.

Leaving the room, Astrid found her heart-rate start to pick up again. But she did what she had been told, and asked for Diego. He gave her the money, barely even looking at her, and Astrid turned to leave. 

"Hey!" A shout echoed down the corridor. Astrid, half way to the elevator, froze, her heart pounding. She knew it had been too easy. "Hey," the same voice, again, "no fair, man, you cheated! Get back here you-" Astrid breathed a sigh of relief, and kept walking, hoping no one had noticed her stop. Stupid mistake; she should have kept going, no matter what. She needed to sharpen up, and learn fast. Her military training wasn't going to help her in situations like this. She'd need to rely on her instincts, and hope they were good. 

Outside she was intercepted by two triad members, who put her in a car and took her straight to Chang's office, but not before she had tossed that dead bastards money in the gutter.

He had been waiting for her, it seemed.

"The plan worked, I take it," he said, offering her a drink once his bodyguards had been dismissed to stand outside. "And I assume you escaped with your virtue intact... to use the word loosely."

Astrid took the glass he handed to her- Jack Daniels, surprisingly, she had expected something more pretentious- and drained it in one.

"He's dead, if that's what you mean," she had replied, pausing when Chang reached behind her ear. She held perfectly still, and he rubbed the skin there, gently. When he pulled his hand away it was with a few flakes of dried blood clinging to his finger.

"I must have missed a spot," Astrid said quietly, into the silence.

"Must have," Chang mused, staring at his fingertips before rubbing them together to rid them of the blood. "How did you do it? I'd assumed it would be bloodless."

"Slit is throat," Astrid replied. "Then took a shower."

Chang stared at her for a long time. Eventually, Astrid began to feel uncomfortable, dressed as she was in the full light of his starkly clean office. She shivered, half naked in the too well air-conditioned room.

Chang turned away from her and headed over to a closet, built into the wall.

"Here," he said, pulling out a crisp white shirt exactly like the one he was wearing, and offering it to her. Astrid put it on over her clothes, buttoning it up. "All that's left is your fee."

He walked over to a safe and spun the dial until it clicked and opened, pulling out a pre-packed bag of money and handing it to her, with a small smile. It was heavy, heavier than she had expected. Astrid didn't open it; she knew, somehow, that to do so would be rude, questioning his word, in some way. But she could tell just from the feel of it that it was more money than she'd ever seen at once in her life.

"Do you always pay your hitmen personally?" Astrid asked, and Chang raised his eyebrows at her.

"Well, no," he replied carefully, taking off his sunglasses and looking at her directly, "but with someone new, I thought it best to check in." He stared at her for another long moment, so long that Astrid almost felt compelled to break the silence, before he spoke again, unexpectedly.

"You slit his throat."

It wasn't a question. He was thinking out loud, and Astrid could see his perception of her changing even as he looked at her.

"How old are you, Astrid?" he questioned, and Astrid felt the familiar knot form in her stomach, the one that came whenever someone questioned her too closely, only this time it felt different. He was standing closer to her than politeness would dictate, and she could smell his cologne, a subtle scent, nothing like what her mark had bathed himself in.

"Depends who you ask," she answered, her voice catching slightly, thinking of the date of birth on her forged documents.

"I'm asking you," Chang said, firmly, and Astrid knew she was to answer.

"Twenty-three." She said, though she'd had to think for a moment. Her birthday, her real one, had indeed passed, now she thought about it, making her twenty-three years old.

"Twenty-three," Chang repeated, as though turning the number over in his mind. "Young. Mind you, anyone under thirty seems young to me, these days. Must be getting old." He poured himself another drink. "Thirty-five, before you ask. Do you want another?"

Astrid shrugged.

"Is that supposed to be a yes?" Chang chided her, pouring another drink with a hint of irritation.

"Yes," Astrid conceded, adding "thank you," and hoping she wasn't pushing her luck.

"Hmm," Chang sat down in a black leather chair, over by the window, and indicated that he join her. Instead, Astrid walked right up to the window and looked out over the city. Triad HQ was in one of the few high rise buildings in Roanapur. From here you could see almost everything. The whole place was lit up. Astrid liked the night time, when the city was in its element and it felt easier to hide.

"We can go out on the balcony, if you like?" Chang asked, watching her. Astrid nodded, and he directed her over to a door which lead out onto the stone balcony. It was much warmer out here, and Astrid unbuttoned Chang's shirt in response, but left it on. Together they walked over to the balcony edge, and leaned against it, their glasses resting on the stone wall.

Astrid reached for her cigarettes out of habit, but of course didn't have any in this outfit. But before she could miss them Chang was offering her one of his. She took it, and let him light it for her. For a while they just smoked and listened to the sounds of the city.

"So, Astrid," Chang said, breaking the silence, "I've been meaning to ask you; why the fake name? I know plenty of strippers who use an alias, but it's usually 'Crystal' or 'Candy' or something of that variety, and they leave it on stage. When Revy suggested I use you, it was 'Aurora' she recommended."

Astrid took a long drag of her cigarette, playing for time and thinking before she answered. Out here, it felt like they were completely alone, for once cut off from the bodyguards she felt standing behind every door.

"I got the name when I was sixteen," she replied, finally, feeling Chang's full attention on her. "Along with a fake passport and documents, everything I'd need to break away and make sure no one would find me. I went by 'Aurora' for a long time. Even when I couldn't travel under the passport anymore, it just seemed natural to keep using it. So, I did."

"Why did you have to stop using the passport?" Chang asked, and Astrid pursed her lips. "Okay, I get it, you don't have to tell me. But let me give you some advice; if the passport is dirty, then the name is, too. Are there any warrants or anything out under your real name?" Astrid shook her head and finished her cigarette, flicking it off the edge of the balcony. "Then go back to that one. It suits you better."

"And shed _Aurora Levy_ ," Astrid replied, "just like that?" Aurora Levy had had friends in the Israeli army, other women she had served with. She had a kill count and a service record.

"Just like that."

"Boss?" A voice called from inside the office. Chang sighed, finishing his cigarette and putting his sunglasses back on.

"Duty calls," he said. He held the door open for Astrid to go back into the office. His bodyguard, underling, whatever he was, barely even glanced at Astrid, oddly dressed as she was. He was disciplined. Or used to this.

"Have someone drive Astrid home," he said, and Astrid, picking up the bag of money from where she had left if on the floor, thought that was a good idea. Last thing she wanted was to walk through Roanapur at night with however much Chang had paid her, and no fucking gun. She didn't have a death wish.

"Sure, boss," Chang's little brother replied.

When Astrid got home, she had counted out the money Chang had given her for the job. He had been right; it was more than she made in a month working for Rowan. A lot more. The next day she had taken Revy out and bought her a drink. She'd also told her to call her Astrid.


	7. Screams

With just one hit under her belt, Astrid didn't feel comfortable quitting her job at Rowan's.

She hated it, yes; hated the outfits, hated the guys that came in there... hell, now she even hated her hostessing duties more than she hated having to perform her stage act. At least on stage she was alone and didn't have to talk to anyone; hosting was a different kind of performance, and in a way, it was more draining.

Sometimes she even found herself wishing she was still a part of the group act. Whipping some bitches until their cries weren't just an act was cathartic. Hell, being whipped was cathartic. 

Chang had paid her a lot, but Astrid wasn't secure enough yet in that source of income to quit her ‘day job’. Staying off the streets- and their corners- was her priority. Chang had implied that it wouldn't be a one-time thing, but Astrid didn't know that for certain. And Rowan was a petty bastard. Quit his place, and he'd not take you back... not for a few months, at least, until his memory had run short and he was looking for another draw. Rowan was always looking for another draw; a young little thing, fresh on the scene and barely legal, if she was legal at all. And an old face worked just as well as a new one, if his regulars didn't think too hard.

So, Astrid was still working Rowan's the next time Chang brought in his latest business deal in to ply them with tits and booze.

In the time since she'd last seen him, she'd been thinking about him a lot. It wasn't something she'd admit to anyone, not even to herself, but it was undeniable; he'd been creeping into her thoughts more and more, especially at night, when she was alone with nothing else to distract her.

She was working the stage that night. Her stage act was popular, so Rowan had been pushing her to work more and more stage shifts recently. Astrid had tried to tell him that if it was a rarity, it would sell better, but it hadn't worked. The concept of supply and demand wasn't unknown to Rowan, but the concept of restricting the former to boost the latter was.

It was always more of an ordeal, when she had to go on stage. It wasn't that Astrid was stuck up, she didn't consider herself better than the other girls, or above earning enough to make her own way in the world. Not to mention she had her routine completely memorised. She would add in a few moves here and there, depending on how she was feeling, but for the most part her mind could go elsewhere while her body writhed and undulated for the patron’s enjoyment, on autopilot. But doing a stage act meant coming in early, doing her hair and makeup heavier, getting into the outfit.

"You're late," Melanie said, as soon as Astrid walked through the door.

"Bite me, Mel," she retorted, and Melanie laughed.

"Suit yourself. There's no free mirrors, you'll have to make do." She was right, every mirror was taken by a girl, some in robes, others naked (because really, who gave a fuck when your work uniform was sluttier than nudity?) and caking on makeup.

"Whatever," Astrid said, finding a chair to sit down on and pulling out her makeup bag. It was sparse, but it did the job. She pulled out a compact with a mirror and started putting on some base. You'd look dead under the lights if you didn't put something on, but Astrid went as light as possible. She found her makeup would run if she started to sweat.

"Have you seen who's out there tonight?" Mel asked, sitting opposite Astrid, already perfectly made up with winged eyeliner and a glossy red lip, a fake beauty mark thrown in for good measure.

"I just got here. Late. Remember?" Astrid said, applying black mascara with a heavy hand.

"Chang, and his entourage, and some guys I ain't seen before," Melanie replied, and Astrid, pausing what she was doing, looked at her, "and he's with some girl, all done up fancy, lucky cow."

Astrid went back to her makeup, looking at herself in the small mirror, but her stomach twisted uncomfortably.

 _What the fuck did you expect?_ she thought, angrily, _forget all that shit. Forget about him. Just do your job._

At night, when it was just her in her small bedroom, the sounds of the city rolling in through the open window, Astrid had worn his shirt. She'd slept in it, trying not to examine her motives too closely, but feeling a sense of security. She felt he really saw her, which was a form of comfort; he paid her, which was a much more solid one. Still, she had tried to never let herself forget that he had a brigade of girls who probably weren't stupid enough to keep on of his shirts and think about him when they were alone.

But speculating and knowing were two different things.

Astrid finished her makeup in silence, not relishing the thought of going out there and performing in front of Chang and his lackeys.

It was just as bad as she imagined.

Astrid walked out on stage to a round of cheers and catcalls, wearing her regulation latex. She was marginally more covered than some of the other girls, and had to make up for it in theatricality. Chang's group were in the back of the room, on leather sofa's lining the back wall. They'd retreat to the private area later, she knew, but for now they were here for the show.

For a moment, just a split second, she thought she made eye contact with Chang- she looked right at him, and he looked right back, but with those dark shades it was impossible to tell for sure. Then her eyes moved over to the blonde sitting next to him. Red dress, red lipstick to match. Looking like she could work here, showing almost as much skin as the other girls, but with a haughty expression that was supposed to tell you her outfit was worth more than you'd make all night. Never mind that she only had the one.

Astrid started her dance. She let her mind go somewhere else, away from the regulars sitting up front with their leers and their cheap drinks, away from the group sitting in the back, ordering expensive whiskey and laughing loudly.

Somehow, despite the room being filled with customers, and the other girls milling around, commanding attention and offering private dances, it felt like she was dancing just for one person. Astrid didn't look his way again, but she felt those dark glasses turned in her direction. She felt more exposed than if she had been naked, and for a moment almost felt self-conscious for the first time.

 _Fuck that_ , she told herself, angrily. _You know what you're doing. You know you're damn good at it. Let him look._

She shot a stealthy but defiant look his way, and got on with her dance.

When her routine was over, Astrid left the stage in the middle of the whistles and whoops, striding backstage before anyone could say a word to her. Looking at herself in the mirror, she wiped the sweat off her face and grabbed her makeup bag to touch everything up.

"Five minutes," Mel said, sticking her head around the door, "Rowan wants you back on the floor as a hostess, we've got some special guests in tonight, as you well know."

Astrid didn't answer. She knew the drill; a dance only took so long, and she'd be expected to host until her encore later that night.

"Aurora?" Melanie chided, looking for a response, "or Astrid, whatever you're called now. You hear me?"

"Loud and clear," Astrid retorted, unhooking her latex bra and reaching for the black dress that consisted her hostessing outfit. It, too, was latex, propped her tits up, and had a mid-length tight skirt with a slit up the side. High heels, black and higher than the ones she wore when she danced, and decidedly less comfortable, finished the whole thing off. Finally, she applied some lipstick and tied her hair up into a messy, high ponytail. The overall effect was somewhere between girlish and dominatrix.

One thing was for sure, there was nowhere to hide a gun in this outfit. The latex clung to every inch of her, but because her tits were covered and the skirt reached her knees, Rowan considered this a more professional look. Professional enough to be the face of his business, at least. Though Astrid wondered who would be looking at her face.

She walked out onto the floor, and headed towards the bar.

"No one waiting, bottle service in the back," Lucas told her, not looking up from the drinks he was making, "better head over there now, we been waiting for you to finish up."

Astrid groaned inwardly, but her face was a mask. She took the bottle- whiskey, aged, expensive, a world away from the Jack she and Chang had drunk in his office- and strutted over to the group sitting in the back, who were still laughing loudly and smoking cigars.

"Such service!" a man Astrid didn't know proclaimed as she approached. She assumed he was the one being buttered up tonight, since everyone laughed at his unfunny remark. Astrid half kneeled to refill their glasses with ice from a bucket in the centre of the table, before pouring a generous serving of whiskey for each, the unknown man's hand on her ass the whole time. When she got to the girl in red, she raised a boney, manicured hand.

"I want champagne," she whined, crossing her legs and leaning against Chang.

Each of the important looking men- that was, the ones who weren't there just as body guards- had at least one similar looking woman draped over them. At the girl in red's words, they all chimed in.

"Oooh, yes!"

"Champagne would be _perfect!_ "

Astrid looked at Chang, something she had avoided doing thus far. He still wore his dark sunglasses, but his head tilted towards her.

"You heard the ladies," he said, and Astrid's blood boiled.

"Champagne, it is," she said, stiffly, to shrill cheers and giggles. She left the bottle of whiskey on the table, and returned to the bar.

"Champagne," she said, "whatever’s most expensive. And glasses. Enough for however many stupid bints he's got over there. I swear, those cunts all blur into one if you look for too long."

Lucas chuckled, looking over under the pretence of counting. He handed her a large bottle of chilled champagne, a magnum, so large Astrid couldn't hold all the glasses.

"Fuck," she muttered, but Lucas beat her to the punch.

"Andrea!" he called, and Andy, tiny and red-haired, bounced over, "help Astrid with the glasses."

Andrea smiled and nodded. Nothing seemed to get to Andy. You'd think she'd landed her dream job, for how upbeat she was. Hell, maybe she had. Maybe any job that didn't involve dying before 30 of aids was Andy's dream. Astrid wasn't going to begrudge her that. She grabbed the glasses and an ice bucket, before falling into step behind Astrid.

"Table in the back," Astrid said, as they started walking, "I'll open the bottle, you put the glasses in front of the girls, easy peasy. Watch the guy in the red shirt, he's handsy."

Andy giggled, but stifled it as they approached the table.

"Ah, here we are," said Chang, grinning cheerfully, with that expression that said, _'everything's a game, and I'm winning'._ Andy set about placing the glasses, while Astrid got to work on opening the champagne bottle.

"AHHhh!" A shrill scream filled the room, louder than even the music, as the champagne cork whizzed right past the girl in red's head, shooting straight between her and Chang.

Astrid didn't even bother to apologise. She just kept her eyes on the pair with a wry smile to rival Chang's, as she knelt to pour the overflowing champagne into their glasses.

"That almost _hit me!_ " she exclaimed, "You could have taken my _eye out!_ " The other women around the table made sympathetic little noises, but Chang gave a hearty laugh. Following his lead, the other men around the table joined in.

"Don't worry, Chantelle," he said, still grinning, "if Astrid had wanted to hit you, she would have. Isn't that right?" He looked directly at her, now, and Astrid rose, placing the considerably lighter champagne bottle in the ice bucket now on the table.

"Can I get you anything else?" Astrid asked the table at large, deliberately not answering Chang's question, which was becoming a habit. He stared her down for a moment, then dismissed her with a wave of his hand, and turned back to the men in front of him.

Several hours and another stage routine later, Astrid was getting changed back into her streets. She was tired and grumpy, in desperate need of a smoke, when Andy came and found her in the changing rooms.

"Um..." she said, quiet and unsure, hovering on the edge of Astrid's vision and trying to get her attention.

"What's up, Andy?" Astrid asked. She had a lot of patience for the young girl. Something about her made you want to take care of her. Astrid had often wondered how Andy had ended up in Roanapur, but she had never asked. Nosing into other people’s business wasn't done around here. If she had to guess, she'd say some boyfriend brought her here and either split or got himself killed.

"Um, Mr Chang wants to see you," she said, making Astrid pause.

"I thought they all left a while ago?" Astrid queried, turning to the mirror and wiping her face with a makeup wipe. She looked tired.

"They did," Andy chirped, "he must have come back, I mean, he's outside, out back- the back entrance. He said to send you out, and that he won't wait long."

"Okay, Andy," Astrid said, finishing taking off her makeup and tossing the used wipe into an overflowing bin, "I'll head right out." Andy smiled and grabbed her own bag before scurrying off home, maybe to a new boyfriend, one who was different, this time.

Astrid couldn't bring herself to rush out and see Chang. She didn't want to piss him off, and she didn't want him to leave... but she was stubborn, and proud, irritatingly so. She'd do whatever it took to survive- whatever it took- but that didn't mean she would like it. That stubborn streak wouldn't let her move at anything more than her usual pace.

When she did finally exit through the back door, into the same alley where Chang had met her that first night, she half expected him to be gone. But he was there, leaning against the wall next to the dustbins, smoking a cigarette. He looked up when he heard the door, and Astrid could tell he was irritated. He left his sunglasses on as he watched her descending the steps towards him.

"You took your time," he said, an edge in his voice that wasn't usually there. Astrid had never heard him sound anything other than completely unruffled.

"You didn't have to wait," she said, and at that Chang tossed his half-smoked cigarette aside and pushed himself off the wall.

"What are you doing, still working here?" he asked, getting straight to the point and taking Astrid aback. That wasn't what she'd expected. "Didn't I pay you enough?"

"You paid me just fine," she said, adjusting her bag on her shoulder and crossing her arms in front of herself, "better than fine. But I've gotta have a steady income. Until I know this business is a solid thing, I ain't giving up my job."

Chang put his hands in his pockets, watching her straight on.

"You hate this fucking place," he said, like he knew her. "I thought you'd quit after I paid you. But hey, if you like shaking your ass for a bunch of losers like some bimbo, even with your skill set-"

"Speaking of bimbos," Astrid interrupted, and she could tell he wasn't used to it, "where's your date? Passed out on coke in the limo?" Chang laughed, that loud, infuriatingly cheerful laugh.

"Hey, no need to be jealous, sweetheart," he said, with a cocky grin, reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling out another cigarette to light, "if I'd known you were still for sale I'd have asked yo-"

Astrid reached into her jacket and drew her Beretta- the same Beretta he had gifted to her, now concealed in a shoulder holster- pointing it at Chang without even thinking about it. A red haze clouded her vision, and for a split second she had the barrel pointed squarely at his forehead. But Chang, reacting faster than she could blink, did some move on her, and her gun was skittering across the alleyway. He had her arm twisted and locked, his face, still concealed by his dark glasses, inches from hers.

"Who the fuck do you think you're pointing that thing at?" he growled, the grin wiped from his face, "Have you forgotten who I am?"

Astrid tried to get out of his grip, using her martial arts training honed by years in the Israeli army, but Chang countered her easily, and spun her around to press her against the hard brick. Her arm was twisted behind her back painfully, one move from him and it'd snap in two. He was pressed hard against her back. He wasn't playing.

Somehow, it had never occurred to Astrid that she might be out-matched when it came to hand to hand. Chang was known for his skill with a gun. This was a surprise, almost overkill. She remembered what he'd told her about always holding something back.

"I. Am not. For sale." Astrid forced out, breathing heavily and still furious, her hair in her face. "Let me go."

Chang's face was inches from hers, she could feel his breath hot on her cheek. She could smell his cologne, and something else. Him, she realised. For a long moment, he didn't move. Then, deciding she wasn't going to try and go for him again, his hands on her softened their grip.

"Fuck, Astrid," he sighed as he let her go, and she turned to face him. "You've got to learn to control that temper. One of these days, it'll get you killed." He walked over to where her gun lay on the ground, and picked it up. "This is a nice gun. You've gone and scratched it," he said, putting the safety on and handing it back to her. Astrid took the gun without comment. She wasn't going to apologise, that much was clear.

Chang sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Alright, then," he said, as Astrid continued to watch him warily. "Quit this shit hole-"

"Don't tell me what to do," Astrid cut him off, earning her a rare glare from Chang.

"What did we just talk about?" he said, but Astrid, holstering her gun, shook her head.

"I'm not one of your _bitches_ , and I don't work for you, I don't take orders from anyone anymore," she said, putting as much vitriol into the word 'bitches' as possible, and realising what she had said a moment too late. His raised eyebrow let her know he had caught the slip. Anymore. 

But he didn't say anything.

"Someone will be in touch," he said, instead, "soon. Keep doing things the way you did with the Columbian, and you'll stay in steady work. Stick with the Triad, or branch out, sell your services to other organisations; I won't stop you. And quit this dump."

For a moment he just watched her, waiting for the reaction he knew by now wouldn't come. Then he made a movement, almost like an involuntary twitch towards her, as though he was about to reach out but thought better of it.

Astrid realised that it was the first time they had spoken without him once removing his sunglasses. She wanted, suddenly, to see his eyes. But she knew removing those dark shades wouldn't remove the wall between them she felt she was seeing for the first time.

When she got home she took his shirt from where it lay, crumpled on her bed, and tossed it onto the floor of her messy wardrobe, vowing to let it stay there. Two days later, someone from the Triad was in touch with another job. Another hit. It paid just as well.

She kept her job for as long as she could stand. When she was earning more each week doing hits than several months at Rowan's, even her stubbornness couldn't find a good reason to keep gyrating her ass in front of drunkards and drug addicts. She quit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song I liked for this is Screams by IAMX.


	8. Angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song by The Weeknd.

The Triad still paid her better than any other group in Roanapur, but Astrid had taken Chang's advice- half because it was good, and half out of spite- and started taking jobs from other organisations. She stayed away from the small stuff, feuds over money (which were really over drugs, since that was what was being bought, and where the cash would go back to in the end), which were always more trouble than they were worth. So far, she was still able to pull off a hit on some unsuspecting idiot, who hadn't heard to stay away from too-good-to-be-true prostitutes with dark hair and big eyes.

She had seen Chang several times in the intervening weeks, but always with other people present, usually bodyguards and Triad members. Once even Revy had been in on a job, when Lagoon Company had been hired to transport some goods which Astrid would be making unexpectedly available. When she saw him, she tried to be professional, but it was difficult. He would keep trying to catch her eye, and once even asked her to stay after a briefing. Astrid had made some excuse, though it was half-hearted. The last time they had been alone still played on her mind. Astrid knew that the smart thing to do was to stay away.

The job that night hadn't been for the Triad, but she wound up at their headquarters none the less. She had heard something that Chang needed to hear.

Astrid had battled with herself for a while over whether to share this information. She wasn't a Triad member, not by far, and it wasn't good for a hit-woman for hire to show loyalties to one group. The others might not trust her among their ranks, and at worst she could make herself a target. But Chang had been the one to get her that first job, and no matter how she told it, her getting out of Rowan's was thanks to him. So when, to her horror, her mark had started speaking Arabic to his companions about a mole in the triad's ranks, Astrid eventually decided she had to pass the message on. Her mark wouldn't be doing so.

The job was done, and Astrid didn't want to waste any time, but she'd be damned if she'd show up to the triad headquarters dressed as a prostitute, even a fake one, besides which she badly needed to brush her teeth and shower. So far, she'd been in front of this man dressed in various latex outfits as a stripper, and her fake hooker get-up with a splash of blood here and there for good measure. So before heading over she stopped by her place and took a shower, scrubbing herself clean and washing her hair, before getting into her usual get-up- jeans, boots, a sweatshirt that showed off her stomach, a denim jacket. Her face was scrubbed clean. She had felt a bit better, until she arrived.

The guy on door duty, knowing her, let her in no problem, but with a sigh. When Astrid entered the main rooms, she knew why; men in suits and women in floor length dresses filled the space. Champagne was flowing, caviar was being served, for fucks sake. Even Balalaika was there- she raised an eyebrow at Astrid, who had done a job for her only last week- and Chang was holding forth in the centre of it all.

Well, fuck it all to hell.

What did she care, Astrid asked herself, what these people thought of her, with her face bare and her hair still slightly damp at the back from her shower? She didn't bother to check her jacket with the coat attendant, along with the furs that had been brought along despite the heat, and expose her Beretta, strapped into its shoulder holster. She held her head up high, but she'd never felt more out of place in her life, and considering some of the places she'd ended up that was saying something.

She walked towards Chang, who spotted her before the rest of the group, as was his habit. That wasn't to say that no one else had spotted Astrid; her appearance had already elicited whispers, eyerolls and stares. But Astrid kept her eyes on Chang, who was dressed to the nines, letting the room narrow to just him.

He dressed well, anyway; black suit, coat, white scarf, sunglasses, custom pistols concealed on his person or nearby. For an event like this, he'd pulled out all the stops.

Astrid approached the group, and suddenly didn't know what to say. She waited almost awkwardly for a moment, but Chang looking straight at her, expectantly, halted the conversation.

All eyes turned towards her.

"I need to speak with you," Astrid said, suddenly business like, "sir."

 _Sir_. Her military training kicked in at the most inopportune moments. But Chang didn't act surprised.

"Certainly," he said, "if you'll excuse me, ladies, gentlemen." He bowed his head ever so slightly and the surrounding group bowed lower. He didn't show her up in front of them, and he could have done, easily.

Chang walked towards the glass door in the back of the room, and Astrid followed without a word. He stepped out onto the empty balcony, and closed the door behind her. Astrid still felt the eyes of the party goers on her back, but Chang kept walking, leading her along the balcony to where it curved around the building, away from the floor to ceiling windows that left them exposed to the room. Immediately, Astrid felt more comfortable. She pulled a pack of cigarettes from her back pocket, and started trying to light one with the lighter she always kept inside the pack.

"If I'd known it was black tie," she said, cigarette between her lips, "I'd have worn my fancy jeans. Fuck!" The wind prevented her from getting a light going, and she tossed her cheap lighter over the balcony in frustration.

Chang presented a silver lighter out of nowhere, and held it in front of her. The flame flickered in the wind, but didn't go out. This thing had cost more than 99 cents. Astrid lit her cigarette.

"I don't know," he said, "I think that latex number of yours might have turned heads better." Astrid glared at him, and he chuckled. "Don't worry," he said, "you look fine. Sure, the women in there are dressed fancy, but no amount of money can buy what you have. And they know it."

Astrid opened her mouth to ask what exactly that was, but closed it just as quickly. She wasn't in the habit of fishing for complements.

Chang's comment hung heavily in the air between them, for a long moment.

"I assume you're not here for my company." Chang stated, breaking the silence. Astrid didn't want to answer with the truth, 'no.' It felt too blunt for how she felt, standing here, away from the rest of the world. She forced herself to remember the last time they had spoken alone. She replayed the mantra she had repeated to herself in her head; he had girls, lots of them, and being able to take out a mark with less fuss didn't make her special to him.

"I had a job tonight," she said, instead, confirming what he already knew, that she was taking jobs for people other than the Triad. "They spoke in Arabic around me, thinking I couldn't understand, but I could. No," she stopped him, seeing him about to interrupt, "don't ask, just listen. They didn't think I understood. There's a mole in your ranks. That's why they were here. Someone in the Triad, in Roanapur, is leaking information."

Chang didn't even look surprised. Astrid would come to learn that this wasn't because he already knew, but because nothing surprised him anymore, not really.

"And you just happened to be hired for a hit on this guy?" he asked, sceptically, "No one from inside the Triad hired you?"

Astrid shook her head. "Their business dealings were eating into my employer's profits," she said, not naming who her employer that night had been. She had learned the ropes of this business quickly. Don't ask, don't tell. Chang nodded, satisfied, and she knew he wouldn't press it.

"Any idea who the mole is?" he asked, "any details?"

Astrid sighed and shrugged. "Not really. I mean, he's a he, but that doesn't exactly narrow it down," the Triad only accepted men into their ranks. "And Chinese. Again, not helpful, I know." Chang had raised an eyebrow at her. "I got the impression... I dunno, no, no details."

"No, go on," Chang pressed, "what impression? Just tell me what you thought, I won't take it as gospel." Astrid nodded, satisfied. Giving what was just her opinion to a Triad boss could get her into shit, if her opinion turned out to be wrong.

"I got the impression it was a younger guy, younger than them, from how they spoke, so in his 20's. Not high ranking. And it sounded like he'd just joined the Triad, or just got promoted, I dunno how the fuck you guys do it; whatever the system is, he'd just gotten to a place where he could start passing some real information, because until recently he hadn't given them much, and they were expecting more to start coming. That's it," Astrid finished, rather lamely, shrugging again, and turning to lean on the balcony with her back to Chang, looking out over Roanapur as she smoked.

"Thank you," Chang said, moving to stand next to her, "that helps." She could feel him staring at the back of her head. "Your hair is wet," he said, gently, and Astrid felt his hand begin to play with a damp strand.

"Don't," she said, jerking her head to pull her hair out of his grasp and looking away. She felt him pull back, heard him clear his throat.

"Sorry," he said, which shocked Astrid more than almost anything else that night. "I heard you, before, you're not for sale. I guess I misread-"

"Look, it's not... I just don't want... it's been a rough one, alright?" Astrid said, finishing her cigarette and flicking it over the side. Chang didn't speak; he just waited for her to continue. "I almost got caught," she said, "when I was leaving. This guy wasn't like the first, no guards or anything, but the walls were too thin to pull off a gunshot and an exit, with all the others around."

And so, Astrid had reverted to her original method, getting naked and slitting the man's throat. She hadn't had a guaranteed hour to clean herself up. "I got dressed to cover up the blood," she continued, "but it was still fairly obvious. I took the back stairs, and I ran into one of his friends. He heard me coming, and was smarter than he looked. By the time I saw him he had a gun on me."

Astrid had her own Beretta, the one Chang had given to her, concealed on her back under her jacket, but there was no way she'd be able to draw before he pulled the trigger. Chang didn't interrupt, he just listened as Astrid talked, letting her talk, staring at her hands angrily and picking at her fingers, her words coming faster now.

"So, I did what I had to do, you know," she said shrugging. "He didn't mind the blood. Seemed to like it, the sick perv. He got his filthy hands all over me, and that distracted him enough for me to get the drop on him."

She'd shot him in the gut, and left him to die in the stairwell before anyone who'd heard the gunshot decided to investigate. Chang turned over her finished story in his mind for a moment, before speaking.

"You didn't have to actually fuck the guy?" he asked, and Astrid shook her head, wrinkling her nose.

"No," she said, bruskly, and left it at that. So, she hadn't had to fuck him; he'd still had his hands on her bare tits, down the back of her pants, in her hair... she'd hated it. She always did. Chang seemed to read her mind.

"But you didn't like it any better," he said "for a stripper turned assassin, you have one weird moral hang up when it comes to sex."

"Morals ain’t got nothing to do with it!" Astrid all but spat, taking another cigarette out of her back pocket and turning it over in her hand. "I just hate all that bullshit, alright?"

Chang raised another eyebrow. "All that bullshit?" he repeated, "you mean what, exactly, sex?" Astrid shrugged. Chang let out a laugh, "most people find it quite enjoyable, in my experience," he continued, still chuckling slightly. He held out his lighter for Astrid to use again, and she lit up. She was speaking more now than she had in the whole time he'd known her, and he planned to encourage that.

"Sure, they do," Astrid said, sarcastically. "Sex is just currency. Some people pay with money, others with your life, or a roof over your head, or a get out of jail free card when you did nothin' in the first place. Makes no difference. And I ain't selling, not anymore, not for years. Not until tonight, at least."

Yeah, Astrid thought, sex was currency, one women most often found themselves trading in, and a painful one, at that. Twice, before tonight, she had paid with sex; once with a cop, who'd said he'd let her go if she did what he wanted, and once with the traffickers, who'd wanted to 'sample the goods,' with the not too subtle hint that if she didn't comply she was dead. Both times were the same deal; get naked, let them put their hands all over you, lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling, imagining you were somewhere else and trying to ignore the burning pain, until they finished. Take a long, hot shower. Scrub your skin red. Then another, for good measure.

Beside her, Chang had taken off his sunglasses to take a good look at her. He inhaled deeply through his nose, and Astrid felt that, for the first time, he was unsettled.

"You killed him, right?" he said, "the man who caught you leaving?"

"Gunshot right to the belly," she said, "he's dead, alright. By now, anyway." It started to drizzle, lightly. Chang moved away from the balcony's edge towards a small covered seating area, gesturing for Astrid to join him when she didn't immediately follow. She shook her head. "It's nice here," she said.

They remained in silence for a while, Astrid smoking the remainder of her cigarette, leaning on the stone wall of the balcony, drizzle settling in her hair and staring at the lights of the city. Chang, watching her, unobserved, his cigarette turning to ash as he sat lost in thought.

"You're wrong, you know," he said, and Astrid turned her ear towards him to show she had heard, but he didn't elaborate. After a long pause, where he seemed to be deciding something, he held out a hand to her. "Come here."

Astrid hesitated.

"It's okay," he said, staying seated and not lowering his hand. "Just trust me, for a moment. You still have your gun on you, I take it?" Astrid pulled aside her jacket to show him the Beretta in its shoulder holster. "See, and here I am, unarmed. What could I do?" They both knew there was a lot he could do. They both knew he wouldn't.

Slowly, Astrid peeled herself off the wall and walked the short distance towards him. Feeling like a stray cat who's trust he was slowly gaining, she extended her hand and let him take it.

His touch was soft, surprisingly so, despite is calloused hands. He barely touched her, trailing his fingers over the back of her hand, and then her palm. She swallowed, though she hoped not audibly, and all but held her breath, keeping perfectly still. The button on the cuff of her denim jacket was open, and Chang was easily able to push it up to expose her wrist. Still holding her hand in one of his, he trailed the fingertips of the other up the soft skin of her wrist, and Astrid felt goose bumps spring up on her arm. He looked up at her, watching her watch his movements, still, barely breathing, lips slightly parted, before turning his attention back to just her hand. Slowly, deliberately, he raised it to his lips and kissed it, just as softly as his touches had been. Astrid inhaled sharply, and he continued, brushing his lips over her hand and trailing them over her wrist and the sensitive skin there. She felt herself flush slightly, her body tingling all over.

"Chang," she said, softly, her voice breaking ever so slightly. He looked up at her, and smiled, before placing another gentle kiss on the inside of her wrist.

"You want me to stop?" he asked, and Astrid didn't know what to say. They needed to stop. No part of her wanted to. "Does this mean you forgive me?" he asked, still smiling slightly, triumphantly.

"For what?" Astrid replied, leaving her hand in his.

"For allowing you to think, for a moment, that I thought of you in the same way I think of those girls you saw at Rowan's that night," he said, leaving her speechless. He pushed the sleeve of her jacket up even further, and trailed his lips along her forearm, before placing a kiss in the crook of her elbow, inhaling deeply. Astrid shivered, and closed her eyes for a moment as he trailed gentle kisses up and down her forearm, opening them suddenly at the sound of the glass door sliding open.

"Chang?" a familiar voice called, and Astrid jumped away from Chang, pulling the sleeve of her jacket down. He stood up, running a hand through his hair, and muttered _goddammit_ under his breath. Balalaika rounded the corner, dressed in red, cigar in one hand. "You've been out here a long time," she said, surveying Chang coolly, barely acknowledging Astrid.

"Astrid here picked up some very interesting information while on her last job," Chang said, smoothly, unruffled. "Something that affects the Triad. I'll tell you all about it, Balalaika, it might be something I require your help with." Balalaika raised an eyebrow.

"But not tonight, Chang," she said, "tonight isn't supposed to be about business. What about you?" she asked, turning her head to Astrid, "will you be staying for the party?" She pointedly took in Astrid's outfit.

Astrid cracked a smile. Balalaika was a military woman, same as she had been. Her snobbery over outfits was just for show.

"No, ma'am," she said, still smiling, "Yellow Flag is more my speed; I think I'll be more comfortable there." Balalaika paused, surprised for a moment, then laughed.

"Yes, maybe so," she said, cheerfully, "it was good of you to show such concern for an employer’s business that you'd stop by after a job. I hope Chang here is rewarding you handsomely for your services? Hmm?" The smile on Astrid's face faltered.

"Someone will be by with your payment tomorrow," Chang said, "it'll be generous; I hope if you hear anything else the triad might find interesting in future, you'll come to me again." He was all business now.

"Sure, boss," Astrid said, and made for the exit. She started to nod at Balalaika as she passed her, but the older woman grabbed her by the elbow.

"And I hope you'll feel the same about coming to Hotel Moscow," she purred, her face close to Astrid's. "After all, we are allies these days, aren't we, Chang? I seem to remember you recommending this one yourself, and she did deliver..."

"Sure are." Chang answered, and left it at that.

Balalaika let Astrid go, and she wasted no time in leaving, not looking back at Chang despite wanting to. She heard them talking as she re-entered the party, making a beeline for the exit. It wasn't until she was in the elevator that she started breathing normally again. 


	9. The Walk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They finally do it.
> 
> Chapter song is The Walk by Imogen Heap

Astrid stayed away from him for as long as she could.

She didn't go to the Yellow Flag that night. She went home, and lay in bed, smoking, unable to keep completely still, before finally going over to the wardrobe and finding his shirt, where she'd dropped it on the floor. She didn't put it on, and instead tossed it angrily on the bed, got up, and poured herself another drink.

Hours passed, and still she couldn't sleep. She lay on her bed, smoking, drinking, staring at the ceiling, restless. Her mind was racing, and she couldn't keep from replaying what had happened on the balcony with Chang over and over in her mind. She closed her eyes and saw him seated before her, his dark head lowered... the memory turned to fantasy, one where they weren't interrupted... before stopping herself, sitting up in bed, angry. She'd never felt like this before, not for any one person. She was angry at him for making her feel this way, and angry at herself for letting it get that far. She didn't want to get mixed up in this mess... getting involved with Chang could only be trouble. She just wanted to keep her head down, survive, make enough money that she didn't have to be afraid of ending up on the streets. Getting mixed up with a Triad boss hadn't been the plan.

The next day she couldn't stop thinking about him for long. Every time his face came to her mind, she'd push it aside violently. There was a heatwave; Revy, in a bad mood herself, rounded Astrid up, and before long they ended up at the rip-off church, because the large stone building was cooler than any other place in Roanapur. They drank, played cards, Eda poked and prodded and talked about guys, something which Astrid hardly noticed before but which now made her squirm. Her mind was only half on the game.

The rest of the week was much the same. Being apart from him mixed everything up in her mind; from afar he was the mafia boss, a gangster, with too much power over her and whatever he wanted at his disposal. Booze, entertainment, pussy. He wasn't sitting around pining for her, she was sure. When they were apart everything got twisted, but Astrid still couldn't help remembering the absolute clarity she felt when the two of them were completely alone. It was so much simpler when it was just the two of them.

Fuck.

Her resolve broke with the heatwave.

It was raining heavily that night, when Astrid left Yellow Flag after just one drink, to protests from Revy and Eda. She just told them there was something she had to do, and made her way through the teeming streets towards the Triad headquarters, ducking under tarps and umbrellas in the market as much as she could, to avoid the heavy rain. Every instinct she had- except one, which had been growing louder each passing day- was screaming _bad idea_. But she didn't care anymore.

When she made it, she walked up to the door guard, a man she knew by sight, and he her.

"Is he in?" she asked, thinking quickly of some made up business she could use as an excuse for needing to see him.

"In his office," the guard said, jerking his head towards the elevator to let her know she could go through, "we've been told to let you in, whenever you showed up."

Cocky bastard.

Astrid walked to the elevator and stepped in, pressing the button for the 3rd floor, Chang's office. When the door opened, two more of Chang's little brothers appraised her, not saying anything. They must have been told to let her pass, too. Astrid knocked on the office door, waiting to hear Chang call "come in," before she opened it and slipped inside. He was sitting at his desk, wearing a white shirt with the tie loosened, no sunglasses, for once. He looked up when she entered.

"I didn't think you'd take this long," Chang said, smiling, and Astrid cursed him silently. The smile was wiped off his face as she strode across the room towards him without pausing. He stood up just in time to meet her, and she grabbed his face and kissed him, hard.

Chang returned the kiss, wrapping his arms around her, pulling her harshly against him, and Astrid moved her hands into his hair, thinking _finally_. He was warm, and incredibly strong. He surprised her by grabbing her ass and picking her up, placing her on his desk and pulling her right to the edge, so she was flush against him. She gripped his shoulders tightly and pressed against him. Chang broke the kiss, both of them breathing heavily, and pushed her jacket down over her shoulders, kissing her exposed neck. Once he had her jacket off, he had to work out how to get rid of her shoulder holster.

"Fuck," he muttered, pausing kissing her neck to try and get the buckle undone. Astrid twisted her way out of the holster, one arm at a time, like she usually did, and put it, gun and all, on his desk. Chang went back to kissing her neck, working up to her ear, his hands roaming over her body, pushing the tank top she wore up at the back. "So, I changed your mind, hmmm?" he murmured in her ear, cocky, triumphant.

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about this all week," Astrid admitted, too weak against him to play games, "I tried to stay away, in the end I-" she broke off and inhaled sharply as he pulled her firmly against him, and she could tell the effect her words were having on him, "in the end I couldn't fucking stand it."

"Stubborn girl," Chang said against her neck, and Astrid could tell he was smiling. He kissed her again before pulling her tank top over her head and pushed her back on his desk. After that, everything became a heated, intense blur of hands and sweat and their voices filling the room.

When it was over Astrid lay naked on Chang's desk, covered in sweat, with him still half on top of her. They were both breathing hard, and Astrid was still reeling from what had just happened.

"Fuck," she murmured, weakly, pushing her damp hair off her forehead, and Chang chucked.

"That was the idea," he said, kissing her chest, her stomach, before pushing himself off her and opening his desk drawer. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes, took out two, handed one to her. "Next lesson," he said, teasingly, "smoking after sex. Nothing beats it."

Astrid propped herself up on her elbows, and let him light the cigarette for her. She inhaled deeply, laying back on the desk as she exhaled, blowing smoke at the ceiling. She arched her back slightly, stretching.

"Fuck..." Chang said, watching her, his own cigarette still unlit.

"That was the idea," Astrid retorted, grinning at him. They smoked in comfortable silence for a while. It was Astrid who finally broke the silence.

"On the balcony, when you... why did you do that?" she asked, thinking about what had transpired between them, what had led them here now.

"Because I wanted to," he said, simply, "that's really the only reason to do anything. I wanted to. I'd wanted to do that since I first saw you at Rowan's, sticking out like a sore thumb." Astrid shook her head, "It's true. Tell me, Astrid, why would I lie? I could have any number of women in this city; why would I bother with all this?"

"Maybe you only wanted what you couldn't have," Astrid replied, stubbornly, sitting up on the desk, and Chang chuckled.

"I won't deny, that flavoured things nicely," he said, "knowing that I couldn't have you when I wanted, for a million different reasons, was... a pleasurable kind of torture. But only because I did want you, already, no matter what." Astrid flushed, and Chang smiled again. "Does that embarrass you? That I would say I wanted you? I wanted you. I still want you. And I'm a man used to getting what he wants." He put out his cigarette in a glass ashtray on his desk, already half full, and moved closer to her, brushing her hair back from her face and forcing her to look at him. "I'll bend the world to your will, Astrid, anything that worries you, that stands in the way of what I want, I will change."

"Just that simple?" She asked, sceptically, and Chang chuckled again.

"Nothing in this world is ever simple," he said, and left it at that.

"So, no promises," Astrid said, and Chang paused, before shaking his head.

"No," he replied, "there will be no promises between us, except for one; as long as you don't betray me, you will never be hurt because of me, or if I can prevent it. You have my word."

Astrid knew what he meant. They weren't going to start a relationship, she'd known that from the beginning. It wasn't what she wanted. That was too messy, too complicated, impossible, and restricting. She wanted her freedom. But she wanted him, too. And he felt the same.

"Okay," she said, "no promises."  He kissed her, and she tasted herself on his mouth.

"Stay the night," he murmured when they broke apart, "I'm not done with you yet."

"Won't your... co-workers," Chang raised an eyebrow at her choice of word, "see me?" He laughed.

"They've already heard you, I'm sure," he said, making Astrid blush furiously.

"Well, fuck," she spat, making Chang laugh again.

"Don't worry, it's nothing they're not used to." It was Astrid's turn to raise an eyebrow.

"That blonde cunt from Rowan's?" she asked, then, quickly, "no, don't tell me. I don't wanna know. Just don't fucking talk about them when you're with me. Got it?"

"Yes, ma'am," Chang replied, clearly slightly amused. Astrid gave an exasperated sigh and turned away, but then he was there, close to her again and turning her head back to look at him. "Hey," he said, still grinning, "okay, if that's how you want it. Whatever you want. Will you stay the night?"

Astrid made him wait for a moment before nodding.

"Good. My personal rooms are upstairs." Chang set about getting dressed, pulling on trousers and shirt, not bothering with any more than the basics. Astrid, taking his lead, did the same. Chang led her to the door, and out in the hallway two of his guards were standing by the elevator. Neither of them looked at Astrid, or Chang. They stayed the picture of respect and professionalism. Astrid thought, for the first time, that there had only been a wooden door separating them from what she and Chang had been up to. This was going to take some getting used to.

"Don't worry about them," Chang said, confidentially, for her ears only, as they stepped into the elevator. He pressed the button for the top floor.

"I wasn't," Astrid said, stubbornly, and Chang chuckled. When the elevator doors opened, Astrid stepped out, and looked around, momentarily stunned. Chang's windows overlooked most of Roanapur, with a view of the ocean. The room was minimal, but luxurious. There was a modest living space, with a bar and a seating area, and a small set of steps led up to the bedroom. The bed was huge, and there was a large walk in wardrobe which Astrid was sure was filled with white shirts, black ties, and black suits. Maybe a few different coloured scarves, to mix things up.

Off the bedroom was a bathroom, a huge shower with a glass door, and an equally huge bathtub. These rooms, too, had a balcony.

"Take a shower, if you want," Chang said, brushing hair back off her shoulder; now that he could, it seemed he always wanted to be touching her. "Or a bath. Whatever you want. I'll make us some drinks. Do you want anything to eat?" Astrid shook her head, wondering if there was a kitchen concealed somewhere. "Okay, let me know if you do. Anything you want, I can call down for."

"So, whatever I want?" Astrid teased, and Chang huffed. "I think I'll take a bath," she decided, and headed into the bathroom.

The bathroom, too, was elegant but minimal. Modern, not fussy. Astrid turned on the taps on the bath, and started picking up and examining the small bottles next to it; bubble bath, bath oil, bath cream... she didn't know one from the other, and so compromised by adding a little of each. When it was full she stripped off her clothes and dropped them on the floor, before stepping in. The bath was huge. Astrid dunked her head under the water, wetting her hair, before coming back up. Straining slightly, she reached out of the bath to grab her cigarettes out of her jeans pocket, and lit one up. She looked around for something she could use as an ashtray, and removed a bar of soap from a soap dish, deciding that would do.

After ten or fifteen minutes, Chang came in, wearing a robe and carrying two drinks. He took in the bath, almost overflowing with bubbles, Astrid's clothes on the floor, and the repurposed soap dish, with wry amusement.

"Here you are," he said, handing one drink to Astrid.

"What is it?" She asked, examining the glass and taking a sip.

"Old Fashioned," Chang replied, and Astrid shrugged before downing half.

"Old fashioned or not, it's pretty good," she said, at which Chang laughed, but didn't correct her.

"Are you comfortable?" He asked, and Astrid wrinkled her nose slightly.

"Not really," she replied, "I mean it was nice at first, but now I feel like I'm being stewed. I dunno how you stand it for long. I might get out soon, I'm probably clean enough by now."

Chang stuck his hand in the bath water. "Did you run it too hot?" he asked, and Astrid shrugged again. "Don't shrug," Chang chided, "answer properly."

"I dunno," Astrid responded, insolently, and Chang tried and failed to hide a smile, "I've not had many baths. Not like this, anyway. My place has a shower, and before that... well, no baths. Or showers, really." Chang listened, and, though she could tell he wanted to, didn't ask anymore.

"Well," he said, finishing off his own drink. "I'm going to take a quick shower. We had quite the workout. Help yourself to anything on the bar." He turned away, towards the shower, and Astrid stood up, soap bubbles dripping from her. Chang turned to take in her naked form, before she took a towel from the rail and began to dry herself.

"I don't have any spare robes," he said, "but you can use this." He took the robe he was wearing off, and handed it to her. In doing so he caught sight of his back in the mirror. "You scratched me," he said, touching his hand to the red marks.

"What," Astrid said, glossing over his comment on her enthusiasm and taking the robe, wrapping herself in it, "you mean you don't have a closet full of robes and nighties for all the girls you bring back here?"

"Considering you told me not to talk about other girls around you," Chang said, reaching into the shower to start the water running, "you ask a lot of questions about them. The answer is no; I usually don't have them stay." Astrid didn't know what to say to that, so she said nothing.

She left him to his shower, walking out into the room and looking around. Everything was neat and organised, nothing like her place, which was a mess. There were no personal effects anywhere, no picture frames, although there was a bookshelf with several leather-bound books. Astrid saw what she recognised as a cigarette dispenser on the table, and took one, along with a lighter. She went over to the bar and poured herself a whiskey, not knowing how to make anything fancy like he had. Once she had everything together, she stepped out onto the balcony, closing the door behind her.

As usual, the Roanapur heat was to be relied upon. The heatwave was over, but the rain had stopped, and even at night the air was warm enough that Astrid could let Chang's robe hang off her shoulders. She lit her cigarette and started smoking, looking out over the city, feeling peaceful. Roanapur, to her, was a heady mix of home, and freedom. She felt like she belonged here, at the ends of the earth. More so than she had anywhere else. Being an assassin for hire had never been the plan, being a stripper even less so, but Astrid found she didn't mind so much. She plumbed the darkness of her mind, in the early hours of the morning, when a man expecting sex from her wound up on the end of her knife. Dark sides, she felt, ought to be looked after, even cultivated. Not pushed down, where they would fester. In that respect, the residents of Roanapur excelled.

The balcony door slid open, and Chang came out, wrapped in a towel from the waist down.

"I always seem to find you on a balcony," he said, moving so he was leaning next to her.

"I like looking at the city," she said, "especially at night."

"Hmmm," Chang mused in agreement. "There's no place like it."

"Not many people would say that... at least, not in a positive way," Astrid said, taking another sip of her whiskey before offering the glass to Chang. He took it, and drank.

"I'm very protective of this city," he said, "there's no place like it on earth. Believe me, I've looked. We're free from all the bullshit here. Law enforcement and organised criminals live together in harmony. Everyone knows what they're getting themselves into. Everyone lives by choice, not chance. What?" he asked, looking at Astrid and finding her watching him with a small smile on her face.

"Nothing," Astrid replied, looking away, back at the city. "I like that. By choice, not chance. Very poetic."

"Alright," Chang said, grinning despite himself, "how would you describe it? How did you end up here?"

Astrid snorted with laughter. "Thought you'd slip that one by me?" she asked, and Chang took another sip of whiskey before handing the glass back to her.

"Can't blame a man for trying," he said.

"By choice, and by chance, to answer your question." Astrid drained the glass. "I took my life into my own hands when I was sixteen. But it was chance that I ended up here, specifically. I'd never even heard of Roanapur before I washed up here. We all seem to wash up here, in the end."

Chang opened his mouth to protest, but Astrid interrupted him with the one thing she knew would shut him up.

"I was in the IDF," she said, "before I came here. Not immediately before, the trip took a while, wasn't exactly a straight line."

Chang seemed to stand up a little straighter. "The IDF?" he asked, trying not to sound too eager, though Astrid was giving him something he'd been looking for for a while.

"What?" she asked, "never heard of it? Your researchers didn't fill you in?" Chang had the good grace to look slightly abashed. He cleared his throat.

"They couldn't pull up anything on you," he admitted, "you were travelling under a fake name, which you told me, but you changed the last name depending on who you spoke to... am I right?" Astrid nodded. "Smart. We couldn't nail down a name. Fake or otherwise, it would have been something. So, we couldn't find anything."

"But I gave you my real name," Astrid answered, continuing before he could chime in, "not Astrid. My real fake name. Aurora Levy. That was the name on the passport I had. Only you were searching in the wrong language." Chang looked surprised. Astrid loved surprising him; it almost never happened.

"IDF," she continued, "Israeli Defence Forces."

"Israeli?" He interjected, "I thought you were American?"

"I am," Astrid answered, "well, I was. I dunno if I still count, I mean I never had a proper passport... anyway, I was born there, and I got fake documents there, saying I was Israeli. I spoke Arabic, not Hebrew, at first, which was a pain but not insurmountable. Made my way to Israel, joined the army- all I knew- served for over four years."

Chang paused for a long moment, clearly wondering which question to ask first.

"You spoke Arabic?" he asked, and Astrid shook her head.

"Not now," she said, "maybe some other time. You asked what I was doing before I came here. You've asked, before, who I am. That's the answer. I was a solider. That's where I learned everything I know."

He stared at her in stunned silence for a while, then laughed.

"I don't know what I was expecting," he said, still smiling, "but it wasn't that."

Astrid shrugged, finishing her cigarette. Chang moved so he was standing behind her, and pushed the gown lower down her shoulders. Astrid smiled as he wrapped his arms around her waist and started kissing the back of her neck and her shoulders, pushing her still damp hair out of the way.

"Don't you ever use your bed, Chang?" She asked, and felt his breath on her neck as he laughed softly.

"We can make use of it, if you prefer," he answered, "and my name is Bai. You can call me that, when we're alone."

"Bai," Astrid murmured, trying the name out, and he inhaled sharply, pulling her against him. She could tell he didn't often hear his name any more.

They made their way to the bed, taking things much slower than they had the first time around, when they'd both been at the end of their restraint. They fell asleep together, but when she woke up the next morning he was already up and gone.


	10. Bad Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is Bad Man by Wizardz of Oz because of a great AMV which is easy to find on YouTube.

**Roanapur, 1995**

 

After that first night, Astrid found it hard to stay away from Chang for long. He was like a drug, and she missed his touch the moment she left. If they could, they'd fuck every night, but they both had jobs to do, and it was in both of their interests to keep their relationship, such as it was, quiet.

Several months passed this way. Chang would call Astrid at her apartment and ask her to come over, and they'd spend the night together in his private rooms, which quickly became their sanctuary. When she did a hit for the Triad she always picked up her money in person and stayed the night.

When they were alone Chang was almost playful. He could always make her laugh. He indulged her immature antics, letting her experiment with mixing drinks (with disgusting results) and only chiding her for jumping on the bed to mess with his bodyguards the third time (because the second time he had definitely heard a crack somewhere, and it wasn't even _that_ funny the first time).

They talked a lot. Astrid was still slow to open up, and Chang had learned almost nothing new about her past since she'd told him she had been a soldier. But he knew other things, like not to ask too many questions, because when she wanted to tell him something she would, and that she liked to sleep with him at her back.

She knew that when she woke up in the morning, he'd have gone without waking her.

But Astrid could never get in touch with him, if she wanted to. She had the numbers for Triad headquarters, but that wasn't a direct line to Chang. She'd have to call up and talk to one of his little brothers, ask if he was around. And he often wasn't, she knew. He was busy a lot, always working. Astrid got it, and she had a life of her own, too, she didn't sit by the phone waiting. But there were moments, when she was alone in her apartment at night, maybe just back from drinking at the Yellow Flag, maybe staying in to chain smoke, stare at the ceiling, and think; in those moments, she'd want to call him, and knew she couldn't. All she could do was wonder.

So, Astrid was half pleased, half irritated, when Chang hired her, Revy and Lagoon Company to help out with a job. Pleased, because it was an excuse to see each other without suspicion. Irritated, because she couldn't do what she wanted to do with him in front of Dutch and Revy.

Dutch, the man who Revy now worked for, was an enigma, in every sense of the word. He was friendly enough, seemed competent, and Astrid was happy to trust that he knew what he was doing, probably better than she did. But she couldn't figure him out. He seemed intelligent, enough to be out of place in this line of work. There was no word on what he had been before he wound up in Roanapur. Astrid, Dutch and Revy met at Lagoon Company's offices before the job to discuss what they were going to do.

"Okay," Dutch began, his deep voice filling the office with ease, "this is the job; we're transporting cargo to Mr. Chang and the other mafia bosses, nothing more. Our cargo is Mr. Roth." Revy, in the process of loading and checking her Berettas, laughed.

"Shit," she said, "what'd he do?" Dutch shrugged.

"Don't know, don't care. I didn't ask. It's not good to ask questions in this business. Astrid, I don't normally work with people outside the company, but Mr. Chang recommended you and said we might need the extra gun. He said you worked with Revy."

Astrid nodded and shrugged at the same time, glancing at Revy.

"Yeah, we worked together," she said, truthfully, "but not on a job like this."

"You can say that again," Revy cackled, finishing up with her Berettas and holstering them. She took out a cigarette and lit it, swinging her heavy boots up on the table with a thud.

"Either way," Dutch continued, "if Revy says she can trust you," he paused, looking at Revy, who blew out a stream of smoke and nodded, "then that's good enough for me. So, we pick up here," Dutch pointed to a spot on the map near the water, "while the boss's men do whatever it is they do to Mr. Roth's entourage. We shuttle him around the bay until things cool down, effectively keeping him hostage. Then we take him to the drop off," Dutch indicated another point on the map, a bar, one Astrid hadn't been to, "and hand him over to Mr. Chang, Balalaika, and the rest. Should be straight forward. Got it?"

It was.

Astrid and Revy had been shown a picture of Mr. Roth, but even if they hadn't he would have been easy to pick out. He was wearing a cheap dark suit, and was in the centre of his wanna-be bodyguards looking for all the world like a man afraid for his life. Half of his guys tried to run when the assault team, headed by Hotel Moscow, showed up. After that he was easy pickings.

"Shut the fuck up!" Revy screamed in the man's ear, grabbing hold of his hair and trying to drag him along, keeping one gun on him. "This guy’s gonna piss himself," she said to Astrid, who had her Beretta out and was covering Revy's back.

"You got him?" Cho, one of Chang's men, asked Astrid, raising his voice to be heard over the gunshots and general chaos. Astrid gave a definite nod, her attention still on providing cover for Revy. "Okay, see you back at the rendezvous point."

Revy, backed by Astrid, half dragged half shepherded Roth to the port, where Dutch was waiting for them. They shoved him on the boat, still whimpering, and Dutch took off without waiting.

"Move it! Comon'!" Revy kicked Roth in the back, shoving him down into the cabin. Astrid followed, holstering her Beretta.

"How'd it go?" Dutch asked, as soon as they descended.

"Easy," Astrid replied, pistol whipping Roth who had tried to make a last-minute run for it when he saw Dutch. Revy laughed.

"Yeah, too easy," she said, taking out her own Beretta and waving it at the ceiling, "didn't even get to fire these babies. Gonna need a reason to, soon, before I die from boredom."

"Well, don't shoot in here, Revy," Dutch retorted, dead pan, "last thing we need is a ship full of holes. Take him down to the hold, Revy."

"Sure thing, boss. Comon', you!" Revy saluted with her pistol before turning to Roth and giving him another kick, while Astrid approached the co-captains seat and sat down, lighting up a cigarette as she went.

"Want one?" she asked Dutch, once the clanging sounds of Revy kicking Roth down to the hold had faded. Dutch nodded, and Astrid handed him the pack with her lighter in it. When he had lit up, Dutch reached under the controls and grabbed a beer from a cooler.

"Want one?"

Astrid took the beer he offered, and decided Dutch was alright. They drank in comfortable silence, neither of them being big talkers. When Astrid finished her beer, she leaned forward on the controls, careful not to push anything, and rested her chin on her folded arms, staring out the window at the sky, which was slowly darkening.

After a while Revy joined them, saying Roth wasn't going anywhere. They drove around the bay for a few hours, until it got close to their drop off time.

"Should head in now," Dutch said, shifting the controls and steering the boat towards the pier.

"I'll go check on the guy," Astrid said, standing up and heading into the hold. Roth was exactly where Revy had left him, sitting in a corner, looking white as a sheet. Astrid brought him out, and together she, Dutch and Revy escorted him the short distance through the streets of Roanapur. Revy kept her gun pressed into his back, her trigger finger twitching, with the promise that if he tried to run he'd get a bullet in the back for his trouble. The way Roth looked at Dutch told Astrid that he wasn't going to try running again.

"This is the place," Dutch said, stopping and indicating a bar that was as close to fancy as it got in Roanapur. There were two men outside waiting for them, one a Triad member Astrid recognised, the other a Russian that she didn't. They approached Dutch and exchanged nods.

"This way," said the Russian, leading the four of them around the back of the bar and through a side door. Roth let out an audible whimper as the door opened into darkness, but Revy gave him another kick to get him moving.

The sounds from the bar permeated the walls, loud music and chatter. They headed upstairs, and went through a door into another room. As soon as the door shut behind them, the sounds of the bar downstairs were shut out.

This room was like the bar downstairs, but more plushly furnished; it was mostly red, with arm chairs and tables, as well as its own private bar with a bartender. Chang, Balalaika, and several other bosses Astrid had never seen before, were all seated around a table, their men surrounding them.

"Mr. Roth!" Chang welcomed, standing up, immediately taking the situation in hand, "so you finally chose to join us?"

Roth stammered, searching for a reply that wouldn't come as Chang smiled down at him, his eyes hidden by his glasses.

"Make Mr. Roth comfortable," he said to his little brothers, and they grabbed him, shoving him roughly into a wooden chair on top of a tarp, and producing duct tape to strap his wrists and ankles to it. Roth found his voice.

"It wasn't me, I swear!" he all but screamed, completely losing it, struggling uselessly, his eyes bulging.

"What wasn't you?" Balalaika asked, pausing to take another drag of her cigar, "the unauthorised drug trafficking through our city? Or the attack that killed one of Verrocchio's men?" She gestured to the blonde man wearing a green suit.

"We didn't know! We didn't know who he was. Please-!" Astrid had stepped over to where several Triad members she knew were standing, her back to the wall and half in shadow. She wanted to stay, to see what happened next. No one was paying any attention to her.

"You can go, Dutch," Chang said, "you'll receive payment soon."

"Sure thing, Mr. Chang," Dutch replied, grabbing Revy by the shoulder and steering her towards the door. "Come on, Revy. Let's go drink."

"Anything you want on my tab, Dutch," Chang called after them, and Revy laughed. The door opened, and the sounds from the bar downstairs came into the room.

"Thanks, boss man!" she called as she left, shooting Astrid a wink before the door closed. All the while, Roth had started screaming.

"HELP! Someone help, please, he-!" the door shut, cutting off the sounds from downstairs, around the same time Chang slugged Roth in the face.

The chair rocked backwards on its back legs for a moment, but didn't fall. Roth shut up. Chang flexed his hand, towering over Roth, who cowered.

"Now, Mr. Roth," he said, as though they were having a perfectly normal conversation, "you're going to tell us everything we want to know. And to help you along, we'll be employing methods to jog your memory. Anything to add, Verrocchio?"

Verrocchio shook his head, grinning, a cigarette hanging out of the side of his mouth.

"Looks like you and yours got it handled, Chang," he replied, his eyes never leaving Roth's face, the grin never dropping.

Astrid had been watching the scene intently, but suddenly felt eyes on her. She looked, and saw Balalaika watching her closely. The Russian held her cigar between her teeth, and stared at Astrid while she took another long drag, and blew the smoke into the room. Astrid felt unable to look away. Eventually Balalaika turned her attention back to Chang, who sat down in a chair and put his feet up on the coffee table.

"Okay, Mr. Roth," he said, as his men took out a large, suspiciously stained meat cleaver, "question one..."

Chang and his men made short work of Roth. Whenever he hesitated, insisted he didn't know, or gave an answer they didn't like, he lost a finger. One of Chang's men hacked the offending digit off with the cleaver. The method was effective, and resulted in a lot of blood and screaming. The other bosses took turns asking their questions. At one answer, Balalaika nodded to her second command, who swiftly left the room, presumably to take care of something.

Astrid watched, fascinated. She had never seen anyone really tortured before; in the Israeli army, she had been subjected to torture training, but being a woman and not in one of the very specialised units she had experienced the milder version. It had been mostly psychological, keeping her in the dark, not letting her sleep, berating her. As fascinated as she was by the scene in front of her, she was equally interested in Chang's reaction. His eyes never left Roth. Not long after the torture started he shifted position, turning his chair so he was facing Roth straight on, leaning towards and resting his elbows on his knees. His fingers were steepled, and he stared at Roth over them, his eyes obscured. He never raised his voice, and he never reacted, even when Roth lost his last finger and screamed bloody murder, sobbing loudly.

"I think that's all we're going to get out of him," Chang said, once Roth's scream died to a whimper.

"How do you want to dispose of him, Verrocchio?" Balalaika asked, looking at the Italian, "it was your man he killed, after all."

Verrocchio laughed, leering at Roth.

"I think he needs a new pair of shoes. Boys, see to it that he gets them."

"What? No, please, I told you everything, I swear, I SWEAR..."

Chang shrugged as Roth was dragged away by Verrocchio's men, kicking and screaming despite the blood loss. "Not my preferred method," he said, "but each to their own." He turned back to the table at large, and Astrid thought his eyes glanced her way for a moment, but it was hard to tell.

"Well, I think we can consider tonight a success," Balalaika said, as Roth's screams faded away.

"Agreed," Chang replied, "I think we should celebrate. My tab downstairs is still open, and your boys are welcome to it." Balalaika chuckled, while her men behind her grinned.

"I'm sure you'll live to regret those words, Chang," she said, though she was smiling.


	11. So It Goes...

Chang's men started to file out first, and Astrid joined them. They were on the stairs when she felt a hand on her lower back, and turned quickly to see Chang walking beside her, grinning.

"You stayed to watch?" he asked, quietly in her ear.

Astrid's first thought was that someone would see them, but then she noticed that the other Triad members were surrounding them on the stairs, effectively blocking them from view.

"I wanted to see," she replied, shrugging, and Chang raised an eyebrow. Astrid elaborated; "I just wanted to know what it would be like. I wanted to see what you'd do." Chang nodded, seeming satisfied with her answer. His hand was gently stroking her lower back in a way that made her wish they were alone. All her attention kept being drawn to the one strip of skin between her top and her jeans, where his warm fingers were touching her. Next to her he was difficult to read, with his dark shades and hard expression, but it was amazing how much he could communicate with a touch that no one else could see.

When they reached the main bar, Chang reluctantly removed his hand from Astrid.

"We have a private booth," he said, and Astrid looked over to where the Triad and Hotel Moscow were congregating, toasting with shots and already surrounded by a few working girls in skimpy outfits.

"I don't think I could pass for one of your booth girls," Astrid said, teasingly, gesturing to her outfit, knowing full well that her tight jeans and tight, cropped t-shirt showed off her figure and taught stomach, "and besides, I see Revy."

Revy was indeed still at the bar, drinking rum by the glass alone and looking half way to drunk. She saw Astrid and yelled _"get your ass over here!"_ or something along those lines. It was loud, and Astrid could only tell by reading her lips.

"I'd better go before she comes over here," Astrid said, reluctantly, and turned to leave, but Chang grabbed her wrist and quickly pulled her back to him.

"Don't go far," he said in her ear, deliberately close enough for her to feel his hot breath on her skin. Then he turned like nothing had happened, and walked over to his private booth. Astrid approached Revy, who was drunk enough to comment.

"HAH! What the fuck was that? Eh? Here," she shoved a glass of rum Astrid's way, "took you long enough, I've been here ages. Dutch left. Get drinking, partner, we made a killing today, and for what? A babysitting job. Cheers," she and Astrid toasted and downed their drinks in one, before ordering another. When the bartender came with the bottle, Revy reached over the bar and grabbed it.

"Just give us the- let go- it'll save time, dammit, it's on the boss’s tab-"

"We're drinking the bottle anyway," Astrid said, standing up on the footrest of her barstool and leaning on the bar, getting in the barman's face, "just put it on the tab," she gripped the top of the contested bottle and started lifting it away. The Bartender conceded with a scowl, and threw up his hands, walking away muttering something about _"drunk bitches."_

"Nice!" Revy said, pouring two more glasses, so full they almost spilled. "So, how'd it go up there? That fucker didn't look like the type to hold out long."

Astrid started telling Revy what had happened in the room upstairs, the two of them laughing and getting steadily drunker. But her attention kept being drawn to the private booth in the back of the room, and to the man holding forth there. She couldn't help noticing that he kept looking her way, too, she could tell even with his sunglasses hiding his eyes. His attention would shift, and she could feel him watching her.

She felt a slight thrill at the idea that she had the attention of this man, who had the attention of everyone else. All eyes were on him, but his eyes were on her.  The drunker she got, the more she dared to look over at him, daring him to read her increasingly dirty thoughts in her eyes and biting her lip slightly, trying to hide a smile.

Girls kept approaching Chang, one persistently trying to sidle up next to him, crossing her legs in his direction and playing with his tie in a way that made jealousy flare in Astrid's chest, but Chang brushed her off and soon one of his bodyguards escorted her away. Astrid could have sworn she saw a slight smile on Chang's lips, like he knew she was watching.

This went on for a while; the bar grew increasingly louder and busier as its patrons got into the swing of the night, and Chang and Astrid played their own private game, unnoticed by anyone else, tension building and ready to break.

When the place was at capacity, a Triad member stepped up to the bar next to Astrid to order another bottle.

"Back stairs," he said discretely to Astrid, almost too quietly to be heard over the music and chatter. She looked at him in surprise for a second, not quite sure of what she had heard. He nodded to the door marked _"private"_ which lead to the stairs she, Dutch and Revy had entered through when they arrived. Astrid glanced over at the Triad's booth, and saw Chang was gone.

"Bathroom," she said to Revy, who was almost passed out drunk at this point. She just waved a hand at Astrid, who left, weaving through the crowd to get to the door. It was busy and dark enough that she could slip through unnoticed into the dimly lit stairwell.

As soon as she did Chang grabbed her, shoved her against the wall, and kissed her.

"What kept you?" he said against her lips, his voice rough, his hands wasting no time running over her skin, her back, her stomach, gripping hard.

"So impatient," Astrid chided in between kissing him back, which made Chang laugh out loud. Astrid clamped a hand over his mouth, biting her lip to stop from laughing herself. "Shhh! Someone will hear you," she said. The sounds of the bar could still plainly be heard through the wall. Chang removed her hand from his mouth and pinned her to the wall by her wrists, kissing her again, hard and fast, desperately.

"Got someone watching the door," he explained hurriedly, as he pulled her t-shirt over her head and palmed her breast, eliciting a soft moan from Astrid. "That," he said, his voice thick with lust, "that's what I was looking for. That sound you make. Yes," he kept touching her, making her gasp and bite her lower lip, "just like that, just like that..." he continued to murmur to her as he kissed her neck. Astrid tugged his tie so it was loose, and hurriedly unbuttoned his shirt so she could run her hands over his chest and feel his skin. The rest of the clothing coming between them was quickly disposed of or pushed away, Chang picked her up and held her against the wall, and after that Astrid didn't care who heard them. She could only hope the loud music, laughter and shouting drifting through the closed door was enough to drown them out as their moans filled the stairwell and Chang urged her on.

When it was over Astrid leaned against Chang, her knees weak, half held up by him. It was he who broke the silence.

"Let's get out of here," he said, "come back to headquarters. Stay the night." Astrid nodded, and Chang grinned. They put themselves back together, Astrid smoothing her hair in the back in an attempt not to look like someone who'd just been fucked in a stairwell. She went to open the door back into the bar, but Chang grabbed her hand, shaking his head.

"We can leave out the back," he said, nodding towards the door behind them.

"Revy-"

"Was so drunk when you left she probably doesn't even remember your name. Revy will be fine. Come on, it's better if we're not seen."

Astrid had to agree with Chang, and besides, Revy was a big girl. If she knew her at all, she'd probably left already, gone to get some more smokes or find something to shoot at.

So, Astrid and Chang stepped out into the Roanapur heat. His car was still outside, and they got in quickly. As soon as the door closed and they started driving, Astrid slid over to Chang's side of the seat and onto his lap, kissing him slowly.

"Mmmm," Chang hummed into her mouth, "you're in a mood today. What's brought this on?" He hadn't bothered to put his sunglasses back on, and Astrid was able to see his eyes.

"That woman, in the bar," Astrid admitted, taking off Chang's tie, and he grinned at her, "all those women, actually. I didn't like it."

"Didn't like what?"

"How they were... all over you, like that."

"You were jealous."

Astrid blushed, embarrassed to admit it, and Chang laughed, not at her, but at her reaction, and at the little wrinkle in her nose, like she was mad at herself for being embarrassed and even more so for showing it by blushing.

"Believe me, Astrid, you had my full attention," he assured her, "and when we get back, I'm going to give you just that."

"Just what?"

"My full, undivided attention." He kissed her.

 

An hour or so later they lay in bed, Astrid's head on Chang's chest, him playing with her hair.

"Bai?" Astrid said, quietly, breaking the silence.

"Mhmm?" Chang hummed in response, his eyes closed, still playing with her hair.

"When you were a kid," Astrid continued, "what did you want to be? When you grew up, I mean." Chang could tell the wheels in her head were turning in ways he couldn't make sense of yet. He had learned that if he answered Astrid's questions, and let her talk without interrupting, all would be revealed.

"A cop," he replied, truthfully, and Astrid lifted her head off his chest to look at him sceptically. "It's true. I wanted to be a cop."

"How did you get from wanting to be a cop to being a Triad boss?" She asked, watching him, "what changed your mind?"

Chang paused for a moment, and in that moment, he decided to tell her the truth.

"Nothing changed. I was a cop, in Hong Kong, for a long time." Astrid stared at him. Chang could tell something very complex was going on behind her wide eyes, but as much as he wanted to he held back from questioning her. It would only make her retreat inside herself. Better to let Astrid ask the questions.

"How did you end up here?" she said, and again Chang replied with the truth.

"Being a cop wasn't all I thought it would be. Right, wrong, justice... those words don't mean anything. I got put in the division dealing with organised crime, mainly sex trafficking, and then..." he trailed off, shrugging. He'd gotten a lead on the Triad, gotten in deep, and then one thing had led to another. Astrid was quiet for a moment.

"That's how I ended up here, too," she said, finally, "well, in this part of the world, anyway. Roughly."

"Hmm?" Chang queried, feeling sleepy.

"Sex trafficking."

Suddenly he was wide awake. "What do you mean?" he asked, gently, not sure he'd heard right.

"I was trafficked here," Astrid said, her head resting on his chest again, not looking at him. She spoke slowly, staring into nothingness, and Chang could tell it wasn't the darkened room she was seeing. "I got caught by these guys in Chicago, and I couldn't get away. I was stupid, back then. Young." She gave a small, hollow sounding laugh. "They drugged us, all the girls, and got me on a plane with fake documents. My fake passport, birth certificate. The Israeli one." Chang was almost holding his breath as Astrid spoke, trying to contain the rage that was growing in his chest, letting her talk, letting her get it out. "But I got away, at the airport." Chang took a deep breath, steadying himself.

"Where did you get away?"

"Hong Kong," Astrid admitted, after a pause, and Chang felt his insides turn to ice. Hong Kong. Had he been a cop, working trafficking when she'd been brought into the country? Could he have done something? He stopped himself from running the dates in his mind. It couldn't do any good. Not now.

"Who?" he asked, his voice hardened with rage, and Astrid looked up at him questioningly. "Who was it? Did you know their names?"

Astrid knew from his tone to answer.

"Jake Larson," she said, "Kane something, I didn't know all of their... Jake was the leader. They were probably working for someone, but I don't know who."

"When and where?"

"'87. Chicago, on the south side." Chang nodded. It might not be enough, but then again... a name, and a place, he'd found people with less. He wrapped his arms around Astrid and held her to him. When the Triad found him, Jake Larson was going to wish he'd never been born.

They lay in silence for a long time, Chang letting the woman in his arms calm the anger he still felt towards those who had harmed her, and not realising that Astrid, with her head on his chest, could hear his racing heart slowly calming, betraying the rage he'd tried to hide. A while later, he spoke.

"What did you want to be, when you grew up?" He asked her, quietly. Astrid was silent for so long he thought for a moment she wasn't going to answer.

"Far away," she said, finally, "nowhere. I wanted to be nowhere."

Chang understood.


	12. The Heart Wants What It Wants

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short, sad, transitional chapter.

As the months passed, the weight of her relationship with Chang began to weigh on Astrid. The deeper it grew, the heavier it felt, and she carried it with her every day.

Astrid sat alone in her apartment, on her bed, watching her phone as it rang for the second time that night. It was dark, but the light from the street outside was enough to see by. The ringing went on for a long time, but she didn't answer. Eventually it stopped, leaving her in silence. Inside she was conflicted.

A big part of her had wanted to answer the phone. She wanted to go to Chang, and spend the night with him inside their sanctuary. She still wanted him, more than anything. One little word hung in her mind, one she wouldn't say, not even to herself.

But in the morning the bed would be cold and empty. Astrid thought it was only partly Chang's work that made him leave her side without waking her; she thought it was also a fear of that early morning intimacy, of an almost domestic routine of breakfast, coffee and cigarettes, pretending to be what they weren't.

So, Astrid would wake up alone, and leave alone, sometimes stopping for coffee with the lower level Triad members, her daylight relationship to them more established than her one to Chang. Because they only ever saw each other in the dark, she had realised.

She would leave alone, and wait for another phone call. Astrid always had to wait, and it frustrated her, made her angry. And it hurt. She was in pain, and the cause was also the cure. She knew he sometimes fucked other girls, and while she also knew they meant nothing to him, she couldn't help the jealous knot twisting in her stomach.

He did whatever he wanted, and so could she, she knew, but what they both wanted had consequences. People were getting suspicious. Balalaika knew, Astrid was sure. On the few occasions Astrid had met with her, while doing work for Hotel Moscow, she had made comments Astrid knew alluded to her relationship with Chang. Balalaika knew, and she wanted Astrid to know she knew. She also wanted her to know it was a bad idea.

Astrid lay back on her bed, curled on her side, and staring up at the street lights outside.

She had known from the beginning that she should stay away from Chang, but not for these reasons. She'd known there would be consequences, but not like this. The person who made her feel better than anyone else in her whole life was also the person who hurt her the most. She _knew_ he didn't want to hurt her. She knew him, and she trusted him, and she knew he would never, ever intentionally hurt her. But she was still in pain.

The lights outside began to blur.


	13. Maybe You Need Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Need Me from Eminem's new album. Check it out.

Chang called again the next night. Again, Astrid didn't answer. She paced her apartment, the ringing going straight through her brain and making her want to scream. She needed to get out. She wanted to run, keep going and not stop. She'd settle for getting blind drunk.

Astrid walked into Yellow Flag twenty minutes later, and strode up to the bar. She'd thrown on something a little different, a mini skirt (Beretta strapped beneath it in a thigh holster) and black boots with a heel, even some makeup, dark eyeliner smudged around her eyes. It was her lucky night; Eda from the rip-off church, dressed in something that would have made Jesus blush, and Revy were sitting at the bar, already drinking, and bickering.

"Having a party without me?" Astrid asked, elbowing in between them and trying to grab Bao's attention. "Hey! Yeah, you, who else works here? Whiskey, double. Hell, bring the bottle."

Revy elbowed Astrid back, making her laugh.

"Well, you're always fuckin' busy these days," she said, a know-it-all grin plastered on her face. "We figured you'd be off doing... something."

Astrid shrugged. "Yet here I am, -" she was cut off by Eda putting her hands on her waist and dragging her back from the bar to take a good look at her.

"What the hell is this?" she said, giving Astrid a gentle shove to make her do a spin, "I didn't know you owned anything other than jeans? See, Two Hands, even Asti can mix it up sometimes, would it kill ya to wear something other than those old cut-offs?"

"Cut the shit, Eda," Astrid said as Revy started to protest, pushing her way back to the bar to grab her drink from Bao, who had finally decided to do his job, "you've seen me wear this before. Put it on my tab, Bao."

"What tab?" the barman asked incredulously.

"Well fucking open one then! Shit, I gotta tell you how to do your whole job?" Astrid downed the double shot of whiskey and poured herself another.

"Damn, girl," Eda said, laughing. Astrid shrugged again.

"Gotta catch you two up."

 

Astrid caught up, and then some. The whole bar was alive tonight; music was blaring from the jukebox, some guys were having a bust up in a corner, cheered on by about ten more, all betting. Revy and Eda were drunk, but not like Astrid, who was showing no signs of slowing down. The nun had found a willing man, and was pressing up against him, while Revy clambered over the bar to get more booze, the three of them giving a chorus of _"on the tab!"_ in response to Bao’s protests. A song Astrid thought she recognised came on the jukebox.

"I love this song!" She yelled, jumping up. Revy scoffed.

"Oh yeah?" she asked, "what's it called?"

"Who cares?" Astrid retorted, leaving the other two girls to go dance. The room was a blur, and before she knew it some guy was pressing up on her. Tall, dark eyes, a tattoo on his neck. Astrid felt his hands snake around her waist and just like that she was dancing with him. And why the fuck not? She could do whatever the fuck she wanted. He smelled like sweat, beer, and cigarette smoke. He pressed her against him, feeling her up, and Astrid swayed, but he held her up.

"You okay, sweetheart?" he asked, grinning. He had a slight accent.

"Yeah, I'm good," Astrid replied, in a drunken haze, "I'm real good." The guy grinned again, and kissed her. Astrid kissed him back. Somewhere in the background she thought she heard Eda cheering and laughing. He kissed her hard, drunk himself, all teeth and tongue, but Astrid felt... nothing.

It wasn't the same.

She broke the kiss and pushed him away, laughing it off, but he wasn't going to take no for an answer. He tried to pull her back, and she pushed him harder this time, laughing louder.

"Fucking prick tease!" he spat at her, grabbing her wrist. Astrid clocked him, shoved him into a group of men behind him, and the bar around her exploded. Some guys were cheering, others were looking for any excuse to start a fight themselves, and spilled drinks were as good a reason as any. When he came at her again Astrid put him on his ass, clumsily, but still grinning, and kicked a table over on him. His friends had joined them. Fuck it. Fuck _this_. Astrid pulled out her gun and fired three rounds into the ceiling.

"You wanna fucking play, boys?" she asked, slurring her words slightly. "How about Russian Roulette? You can go first," she aimed her gun square at the men in front of her, and they scattered.

Astrid was laughing, the bar was in chaos, people scattering everywhere, and Bao was shouting every profanity he knew at her. Police sirens blared outside.

"Comon'!" Revy was suddenly at Astrid's side shoving her gun down and trying to drag her towards the exit. Eda was nowhere to be seen. Always there when the chips were down, that one. "Come. On! We gotta get out of-"

Revy didn't even get to finish her sentence. The police burst through the door, their own guns raised, pointed squarely at Astrid and Revy.

"Hands in the air! Drop the gun!" Astrid was too drunk to get what they wanted at first, so they repeated themselves. She dropped her Beretta, and put her hands behind her head.

"Two-Hands?" The police chief yelled, "what the fuck?"

"It wasn't me!" Revy protested, her own hands up, but Whatsup didn't believe her.

"Alright, girls," he said, as Revy and Astrid were cuffed, Astrid still swaying. "You're coming with us. Take their guns."

Astrid and Revy were shoved in the back of a police cruiser, Revy ripping into the cops, and Astrid for getting her into this mess. Astrid leaned her head on the window and watched the red and blue lights illuminate the world outside.

 

"Real smart idea, Asti," Revy said from the metal bench where she lay, staring at the ceiling. "Russian fucking Roulette." Revy seemed to think for a moment, then laughed.

Astrid, sitting on the floor of the cell with her knees up, joined in. She was still drunk as hell, and needed a smoke.

"You got any smokes on you, Revy?" she asked, and Revy shook her head.

"Cops took ‘em." Astrid groaned, letting her head fall back against the wall. "We gotta get the fuck out of here, before I die of boredom," Revy muttered. Astrid, for a lack of anything else to do, stood up and started unsteadily pacing around the cell.

"How?" she replied, after a too long delay that made Revy snort.

"Make a call," Astrid raised an eyebrow at Revy, and resumed trying and failing to walk an imaginary straight line, her arms held out. "Come on. You know who I'm talking about," Revy continued. "Call him."

Something in Astrid's drunk brain clicked.

"No," she said, firmly.

"Awh comon'-"

"No."

"But-"

"No."

"Would you just-"

"No."

"-listen-"

"No no no no no, nonononono-"

"OKAY!" Revy yelled, silencing Astrid, "Christ."

"Hey, keep it the fuck down in there!" A cop called from down the hall.

"Bite me!" Revy yelled back, sitting up and giving the finger in his general direction. She lay back down on the hard bench, blowing her bangs out of her face. "I fucking hate cops."

"Me, too," Astrid agreed, continuing to walk, and muttering to herself, "horny fucking pigs. Only one get-outta-jail-free card they take."

"Huh?" Revy asked, her arm thrown over her eyes.

"You know what I mean, Two-Hands," said Astrid, still slurring her words slightly, "You give 'em what they want and they'll cut you loose."

Revy sat up and watched Astrid, still pacing, a vien starting to pop in her forehead.

"You do that?" she asked, her voice deceptively calm. If Astrid had been sober she would have seen the red flags a mile off.

"I mean... _no_. I _did_ , 'cause you gotta do what you gotta do, you know... _you_ know... maybe we could do paper-scissors-something for it-" Astrid stopped talking when she felt Revy's fist connect with her jaw.

If she'd been sober she probably could have taken the hit, but drunk as she was it sent her spinning into the metal bars.

"Fuck, Two-Hands!" She shouted, her head spinning, holding on to the bars to keep herself up, "what the shit was that for?"

"Don't talk to me about fucking cops ever again," Revy growled, raising her fist, "got it?"

"Got it," Astrid replied, holding her jaw and flexing it, hearing a definite click, "Jesus..."

"And call Chang."

"Revy, no-" Revy cut her off with a look.

"I'm in here because of you!" she yelled, "you fucking owe me, Astrid. Swallow your fuckin' pride, or whatever, and call him." Astrid scowled at Revy, and the two of them stared each other down for a long moment.

"Fine," she said, shortly, looking away. She could tell something had really pushed Revy's buttons. Revy started banging against the bars.

"HEY!" she yelled, "Hey, assholes! We want our fucking phone call!"

It took a while, but Revy wouldn't shut up, so eventually the cops brought a phone. Astrid took it, and dialed the number for Triad headquarters under Revy's watchful eye. One of Chang's little brothers answered.

"Hey," she said, knowing he'd recognise her voice, "is he in?"

Revy listened to the muffled sounds from the other end of the line, still watching Astrid, who raised both her eyebrows in a _'what?'_ expression. Then Chang came on the line, and his voice cut through her like an electric shock.

 _"Hello?"_ Astrid paused.

"Bai?" she said, finally, quiet. He didn't answer. "...I'm in trouble."

Chang sighed. _"Where are you?"_

Chang's men showed up soon after Astrid made the call, but by then she was sitting on the floor of the cell, slumped against the wall, half passed out.

"Is she okay?" Cho asked Revy dubiously, as the cop opened their cell.

"She's fine," Revy said, not even looking at Astrid, shoving her way past the cop and out of the cell, "she's your problem now. Where are my guns?" Revy walked away down the hall, leaving Cho and his little brother to deal with Astrid.

Cho approached her and knelt, tapping her gently on the cheek.

"Hey, Astrid?" he said, frowning slightly, trying to get her attention. "Asti?"

Astrid and Cho had always gotten on well. When she did a job for the Triad, it was usually he who would get in touch. He didn't mind her hanging around in the mornings, or if Chang was late getting back from somewhere and she was waiting. Astrid opened her eyes, frowning, trying to focus on Cho.

"She's with us," he said, before manoeuvring Astrid so he could pick her up. "Come on, girl. Let’s get you out of here." He carried her out of the station and put her in the back of the car. Astrid lay down on the back seat, her eyes closed. She must have fallen asleep, because before she knew it they were at Triad headquarters, and Cho was picking her up again and carrying her in.

Another of his little brothers was waiting for them, on guard.

"He said to send her up, when she got here..." he said, trailing off as he looked at Astrid. "Or bring her up, I guess." Cho nodded, and his brother pushed the elevator buttons for him. He stepped in, still carrying Astrid, and the door pinged shut behind him.

Cho looked down at the girl in his arms, her makeup smudged, eyes closed. She didn't know it, but a lot of the Triad had a soft spot for her. Astrid could be tough, even a bit cold, but when she relaxed, which she seemed able to do within the safety of Triad headquarters, she opened up. She was around a lot, often smiling, laughing, maybe a little bit immature. And a little sad, at the same time. The elevator doors opened, and Cho stepped onto his boss's floor. With Astrid in his arms he couldn't knock. Instead he stood at the door and cleared hais throat, loudly.

"Boss?"

After a moment, the door opened. Chang took in the scene in front of him, and sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He stood back to let them in.

"Is she okay?" he asked, and Cho nodded, bringing Astrid over to the bed and laying her down.

"Just drunk," he said, "she'll have a hell of a hangover in the morning." Chang sighed again.

"What happened."

Cho told him what he had been told by the cops, about Astrid shooting up Yellow Flag and getting arrested. Chang watched Astrid sleeping in his bed while he talked.

"Thanks for going to get her," he said, when Cho finished. He wasn't in the habit of thanking his subordinates, but he also wasn't in the habit of sending them on personal errands, either.

"No problem, boss," Cho replied, taking his cue to leave. When they were alone Chang walked over to the bed and sat down. The movement woke Astrid, who opened her eyes blearily.

"Bai?" she said in a small, soft, slightly scratchy voice, looking up at him. Chang felt the anger he had been feeling a moment ago draining out of him, to his annoyance. "I'm sorry." Chang brushed her hair back from her face.

"Go to sleep," he said, gently, everything he had been planning to say to her gone.

 

The next morning Astrid woke up in Chang's bed alone, with the hangover from hell, and only a blurry memory of how she'd ended up there. She left before she ran the risk of seeing him again; she didn't want to talk about the night before. She went home to sleep it off.


	14. Everytime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Eda needs someone to be sensible and tell her no, and instead finds a very muddled Astrid. 
> 
> The song I like for this one is Everytime, by Britney Spears, and to understand why I chose it you really need to watch the scene in Spring Breakers where it's used to surprising effect (YouTube).

Astrid avoided Chang for several weeks after the incident at Yellow Flag.

The next time she saw Revy, the redhead acted like nothing had happened between them. She didn't bring up what had happened in the jail cell, something Astrid only had a fuzzy memory of herself, and so Astrid didn't bring it up, either. They carried on like normal. It took a little bit longer for Bao to let her back into Yellow Flag, but the holes in the ceiling were easy to patch, nothing like the war zone Revy had turned his bar into on several occasions (which Astrid reminded him of, loudly, and often, until he relented).

It didn't take long until her phone stopped ringing. Astrid had listened to it ring out several times in those first few days, sitting curled up on her bed and staring at the phone as it rang, biting her nails. He stopped calling quickly. Astrid had expected as much, but she still felt regret that first night the phone didn't ring.

She just didn't know what to say to him. She couldn't even imagine where to begin. And so, she said nothing. Astrid knew she was going about things the wrong way, and that she had really fucked up this time. But she needed space.

Astrid missed Chang. Especially at night, when she was alone in bed. She couldn't keep his face from her mind for long. He was like a ghost she carried around with her everywhere. She wanted to see him, but she was stubborn and mixed up. She was difficult, she knew it. Knowing it didn't change anything. She started drinking more and more, taking as many jobs as she could to keep busy, even the shitty 'drug deal gone wrong' gigs she had avoided for so long. She was drinking at Yellow Flag (watched beadily by Bao) the night Eda found her.

"Hey, Asti!" she said, swinging herself onto the barstool next to Astrid, who raised two fingers in acknowledgement.

Bao got the wrong end of the stick and poured her another two fingers of whiskey. Astrid was about to correct him, then thought better of it.

"What's up, Eda?" she asked, taking out her cigarettes and lighting up.

"I've got a job," she said, grinning, right to the point, "a good one, big pay day. Heard about it up at the church. Some assholes stole a load weapons from one of our contacts, and hell, if they stole them they can't get all twisted over ownership; I figure if they're stolen, they’re fair game."

"Huh?" Astrid said, only half paying attention and not getting what Eda was driving at.

"We steal the weapons back ourselves, dummy! And sell 'em, to their original owner, or the highest bidder." Astrid was shaking her head. "Awh come on! Why the hell not?"

"Why aren't you asking Revy to go in on this with you?" Astrid asked, taking another drag of her cigarette.

"Two-Hands wouldn't want in on this," Eda replied, looking shifty, and Astrid raised an eyebrow.

"Exactly," she said, gesturing at Eda with her glass, "it's a crazy fucking idea, Eda. I mean, what kind of weapons did they steal, to be worth stealing them back? AKs? M4s? And I'm gonna waltz in there with my fuckin' Beretta, which, don't get me wrong, I love, but... keep your hair on, Bao, I'm not doing nothin'!" Astrid had picked up her Beretta to illustrate her point, and Bao almost had an aneurism.

"No, smart ass!" Eda retorted, smiling properly now. There was nothing Eda liked more than knowing something you didn't. "We've got a pretty good supply up at the church, ya know. We can borrow a few." Astrid raised her eyebrows at the word _"borrow."_   She finished her drink.

"Let's see these guns," she said.

 

"Told ya," Eda said, as she opened the door to the rip-off church's private arsenal. Astrid had to admit, she was impressed. She knew the church was well armed, but she hadn't expected this. There were all sorts of pistols, semi and full automatics, even RPGs, not to mention bullets for days.

"Okay," Astrid conceded, picking up an MP5K and examining it, "this is pretty fucking cool."

"Told ya," Eda repeated, smugly. Astrid looked at the nun for a long moment, biting her lower lip.

"You're sure this is a good job, Eda?" She asked, and had hardly finished the sentence when Eda bounced into the armoury, picking up guns herself.

"Yeah, I'm sure, alright! Come on, we've gotta hurry if we want to catch these fuckers by surprise."

Astrid stuck with the MP5k and strapped as much ammo to herself as she could without impeding her movement. She also chose another pistol as a backup to her trusty Beretta, in case she didn't have time to reload.

Eda drove them to a large abandoned building on the outskirts of the city. It looked like it had once been an office block; there were large open rooms and a lot of concrete.

"Last time," Astrid said, "you're sure about this?"

"Will you stop asking? And yes," Eda replied, in the process of checking her weapons. Astrid took a breath, remembering her military training. It had been a while since she'd done something like this, but it should be just like a standard raid. And that stuff was like riding a bike to her, she wouldn't ever forget it. Your C.O. took care of that.

"I'll take point," Astrid said, gripping her MP5K. "You take my six."

"Your what?"

"My back, Eda. Cover me."

As soon as they got inside the building, everything went to shit. Only Astrid's military experience saved her. She acted on instinct and managed to roll behind a concrete pillar as gunfire went off all around them. Astrid had no idea where Eda had gone, if she had made it at all, and so was relieved to see the blonde slam her back to the next pillar down from Astrid.

"What the fuck, Eda?" Astrid shouted over the gunfire, "these guys are military!" Their uniforms, weapons, and the way they responded to the intrusion, left no doubt in Astrid's mind. These weren't the dime a dozen gangsters Eda had said they were.

"I didn't know!" Eda called back, firing some supressing fire around the pillar and quickly pulling back. "What do we do?"

Astrid took a deep, steadying breath, and tried to calm down. Her heart was racing, she could hear it pounding in her ears, and she was acutely aware that this might be the last stupid, impulsive decision she ever made. She had to calm down. She had to think.

She swung out quickly from behind the pillar to give some more supressing fire, buying herself time. They fired back and she retreated, plaster dust raining down from where their bullets hit the pillars and the walls. Astrid took another breath.

 _Think_ , she told herself, and amazingly it wasn't her former C.O.'s voice she heard in her head, but Chang's, _you need to get out, you can't take them all. They've got you pinned, they'll move in soon, you have to move fast. Where are your exits?_

Astrid looked, and saw a window with an already half broken pane, and a fire exit.

_Window is closer to you, fire exit closer to Eda. Split up. Divide their fire. You'll have to run._

"Eda!" Astrid shouted over the gunfire. The nun, who had been firing rounds again, pulled back, looking at Astrid as she reloaded. Astrid indicated the fire exit.

_You'll need supressing fire._

"Supressing fire," she yelled, confident that none of the men shooting at them could hear, not even entirely sure that Eda could, "on my signal, for five seconds!"

_And then run._

"Then run!" Eda looked pale, but she nodded. Astrid reloaded, and looked at Eda, listening to what was going on behind them. When there was a slight lull in the gunfire, indicating that someone was reloading, Astrid gave the signal.

She and Eda both pulled out from their cover at the same time, and started firing. Astrid counted in her mind, hoping Eda was doing the same.

_Five._

She hit one guy, and he went down.

_Four._

She kept firing, trying to keep the other side ducking for cover, not giving them a moment to aim.

_Three._

She felt her arm jerk, but no pain. Ignored it.

 _Two_.

It would be a miracle if they both made it out of this alive.

_One._

Astrid ran. She dropped her MP5K, considerably lighter and almost empty, not any use from this point onwards, and ran for the window. She felt something clip her right ear, but didn't slow down. Her adrenaline was pumping, making everything seem much slower, the distance to the window seemed impossible to cover in time.

She made it, and flung herself through, breaking the rest of the pane and covering her face from the shattered glass. Hitting the ground hard, Astrid didn't pause. She started running again, pulling out her Beretta from her shoulder holster in case she met anyone, and hoping to fuck Eda had made it out.

They'd left the keys in the ignition, the one and only smart decision they'd made that day. Astrid made it to the car a second before Eda, and jumped into the driver’s seat.

"Come on!" she yelled, ducking as the military men exited the building and started shooting after them. Eda dived into the passenger side.

"Drive!"

Astrid didn't need telling twice. The back window shattered as she pulled away, flooring it, her heart pounding. The gunfire faded. They didn't seem to be following, but Astrid didn't slow down.

Finally, it became apparent they were in the clear. Astrid shuffled up from her slouched position so she could drive properly. It was twilight, and the sky was growing darker. Her heartrate began to slow, but remained in the 'imminent heart attack' range. As the adrenaline slowly wore off she did a quick assessment of her condition, and became aware of a sharp stinging in her arm and ear, both bleeding profusely. She had been grazed by two bullets. Only grazed. Thank God for small miracles.

There were a lot of small cuts on her hands and forearms from the broken glass, and she'd have a nasty bruise from her rough landing.

It could have been a lot worse. They drove in silence.

"I'm so-"

"Don't." Astrid cut Eda off, not looking at her. She drove to the rip-off church, stopped. Eda got out, and turned to say something else, but the look on Astrid's face shut her up. Even for Roanapur, tonight had been a shit show. Eda shut the door and walked away. Astrid was keeping the car for the night.

Once alone, Astrid examined her arm and checked out her ear in the mirror. A small chunk was missing from the latter, and it was bleeding more than such a small wound had any right to. It stung like a bitch, her whole ear hot and radiating pain. The bullet that had grazed her arm had also ripped through her jacket. She was covered in plaster powder.

Astrid leaned forward, resting her arms on the wheel, and her forehead on her arms. She had always been impulsive, a little wild, even, and lately she had been even more so. She had gotten herself into bad situations before, but tonight had been next level. How could she have been so stupid? She thought she knew better than that, now. Hadn't she learned anything?

"You're going to get yourself killed, girl," she said, into the silence. She'd been upset lately, restless, but she didn't have a death wish.

Shifting slightly, Astrid accidentally hit the horn and jumped. She pulled herself together, and started driving again. There was only one place she wanted to go.

 

That the bullet riddled car made it to Triad headquarters was another small miracle. It had started to stutter a mile out, and Astrid doubted she'd be able to get it started again. She walked into the lobby, still half dazed from adrenaline, not sure what to say. As it turned out, she didn't need to say anything.

Chang was in the lobby, flanked by his men, clearly about to leave. He stopped short when he saw her, staring, removing his sunglasses to be sure of what he was seeing.

Astrid opened her mouth to say something, maybe his name, but no sound came out.

"Cancel my meeting," Chang said, and Cho nodded, stepping away to make the call. He approached her, and Astrid couldn't even enjoy how she had clearly surprised him, a rarity. To her horror she felt her bottom lip quiver slightly as she stared up at him.

Chang's expression was unreadable. He was angry at her, she knew. She had stopped taking his calls with no explanation, had been running around Roanapur acting out, getting drunk, taking bad jobs. She should have been better. Should have had herself together by now. She wasn't a kid anymore. But one unkind word from him now would shatter her.

As he looked at her, Chang's expression softened. She must have looked really pitiful. Not one to be outdone, he surprised her right back by stepping forward and folding her into his arms. Astrid sank into his embrace gratefully, wrapping her arms around his waist under his black overcoat, squeezing her eyes shut. Chang was stroking her hair, and Astrid took a deep, steadying breath, inhaling the familiar scent of the man she had imagined by her side all night, the same man she had spent the last several weeks desperately trying not to think about, to forget.

He brought her up to his room, his arm around her shoulders the whole way, seeming not to care that she was getting white plaster dust all over his suit and coat. Chang didn't ask her any questions yet, but Astrid knew they were coming. She just hoped he'd let her pull herself together before she had to explain. Astrid sat down on the bed, knowing she needed to do something but not sure where to start.

"You should take a shower," Chang said, and after a moment Astrid nodded, but didn't move. She was still lost in her head, trying to process what had happened tonight, and what had driven her to it. Chang knelt and started unlacing her combat boots, pulling them off, before taking off her jacket and pulling her shirt over her head. The jacket was ripped and her shirt was covered in blood, both beyond saving. He examined the graze on her arm, a small crease appearing between his eyebrows. "Stand up."

Astrid complied, and he undid her jeans, also covered in plaster and blood. Once she was naked he nodded to the bathroom, and Astrid, happy, for once, to be told what to do, went and started the shower.

She sat on the edge of the bath until the steam filling the room told her the water was hot enough, then stepped in. The water made her wounds sting, her ear especially, making her wince, but she stuck it out, feeling it was the least she deserved. She stood with her face to the spray, her eyes closed. The water ran white, then red, as the plaster dust and blood was rinsed down the drain. Astrid grabbed some soap and started scrubbing.

Once she was done, she felt more like herself. When she finished she shut off the water, wrapped herself in a towel, and re-entered the bedroom. She was still bleeding on herself, but there wasn't anything she could do about that. She found Chang in the bedroom with a small first aid kit he had fished out from somewhere. He had taken off his coat, scarf, and tie. He nodded to the bed, and Astrid complied.

"What happened?" He asked, applying strong smelling antiseptic to Astrid's ear first, which was bleeding the worst, making her wince. Astrid took a deep breath and started to tell him everything that had happened that night while he bandaged up her ear and her arm. Her voice was weak and rough at first, but as she spoke more she found her voice again. Chang was silent while she spoke, but when she finished he stood, inhaling slowly as he looked at her.

"What the fuck, Astrid?" Chang said, his voice low, and she couldn't meet his gaze. "What were you thinking? You could have been killed, you realise? That bullet that hit your ear was about an inch away from going straight through your brain!" His voice rose as he spoke, and Astrid turned away. It was rare to see Chang angry.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't," Chang took a deep breath, calming himself down, "don't be sorry. Just... Astrid, I don't know..." he stopped, shaking his head. Then she felt his hand on her chin, turning her face back to look at him. "I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you," he said, plainly.

There was so much more that needed to be said between them. Astrid was still a confused mess, Chang was still in the dark about half of what she was feeling and angry at her, furious, not just for the stunt she had pulled tonight. But for right now just the fact that she was here and alive was enough for him. Chang bent and kissed her cheek, gently, then the other, and before he knew it he was kissing her lips. She was kissing him back, and then he pushed her back onto the bed, gently, like she was made of glass. He rid himself of his clothes without ceremony, and left them in a pile on the floor along with the towel Astrid had been wearing. Then he was on top of her, his hands in her damp hair, kissing her everywhere, not wanting to miss any of her perfect skin, grateful for every inch of it, every touch tinged with the pure relief that she was here, with him, and safe.

 


	15. The Mess That You Wanted

Astrid dreamed she was back in military training.

Her C.O. was handing her a gun, long barrel, fully automatic, showing her the mechanisms and how to hold it. He was standing behind her, speaking over her shoulder. He sounded distant, like she was underwater. Her whole attention was on the gun.

 _"Adjust the grip here,"_ he told her, reaching around to show her, _"reload here. Try the scope."_

Astrid lifted the gun and put her eye to the scope. All she could see was shadowy blackness, everything was dark. There was something moving, catching what little light there was, but she couldn't make it out.

She looked up from the scope, and found herself staring down the barrel of a gun. She heard a click.

 

Astrid woke with a start, sitting up in bed with a gasp. Her heart was racing, and for a moment she looked around, panicked, before she remembered where she was.

She was alone, in the large, white bed. Sunlight was streaming in through the windows. She took a few deep breaths, running a hand through her messy hair, brushing it back off her face. After a short while she got out of the bed, moving quickly.

Her jeans were still crumpled on the floor, still dirty, with blood on them, but they'd do for getting home. Her t-shirt was filthy and had gotten the worst of the blood. Astrid left it where it was, walking over to Chang's wardrobe like she had several times before, and hesitating for the first time. Usually he didn't mind if she borrowed one of the many white shirts he kept there, but things weren't usual between them, right now. She made up her mind, taking a shirt and putting it on. Combat boots came last. She left her ruined jacket.

Astrid stuck her head out of the door, looking around, but the corridor was empty. She hurried to the elevator and started pushing the button repeatedly, impatient. She made it to the lobby before she was stopped.

"Astrid," Cho called after her, and she stopped, unable to just ignore him. Cho walked over, smiling sympathetically. "He said he didn't want you to leave."

"Why?" Astrid asked, crossing her arms in front of her.

"I think because you keep disappearing," Cho told her, raising an eyebrow, and Astrid looked away, not answering. She was acting like a petulant child, but she was so messed up she didn't know how else to act. "Come on, let’s get some coffee. You want a smoke?" Astrid sighed and nodded. Cho liked her, she knew, but he had his orders and he wasn't going to let her leave. "Good. And we'll re-do your bandages." Astrid put a hand to her ear and felt the blood seeping through the dressing.

Astrid and Cho walked to the kitchen, somewhere Chang never went himself. He sat her down on a stool, leaning forward against the counter, poured her coffee from a communal pot, gave her a cigarette. It was something they had done before.

"Okay, let me take a look," he said as Astrid drank, gently peeling the bandage off her ear. The blood had dried and stuck to the wound, and Astrid couldn't help wincing as it was peeled away. "Sorry. Phew," Cho gave a low whistle, "that was a close one. Let's get it cleaned. This might sting a bit, sorry, not much I can do about that."

Cho dabbed at her ear, cleaning up the blood, and applied a fresh bandage. He did the same with her arm, which was a much cleaner and easier wound. By the time he was done Astrid had finished her coffee and cigarette. Cho handed her another one, and she lit up.

"How long does he want to keep me here?" she asked, her hands still wrapped around the empty coffee cup.

"Until he gets back," Cho replied, pouring himself a cup of coffee. He lifted the pot to Astrid, but she shook her head. "Like I said, he doesn't want you disappearing again. Shouldn't be long now."

Astrid felt her stomach twist anxiously. For the first time in a very long time she was nervous to see Chang.

"Don't worry," Cho told her, and Astrid realised she had been chewing her bottom lip, a nervous habit she was trying to kick. "The boss..." Cho trailed off, not sure what to say. That Chang cared about Astrid? That it'd be okay? Or other generally reassuring things that felt way too personal and presumptuous? "Well, you know," he finished, finally. Astrid raised an eyebrow, before looking back down at the table. "You want some advice?"

Astrid looked back up at Cho. "Shoot."

"Don't go in there with your armour on," he said, "guns loaded, on the defensive. I know that's hard for you."

"You do?" Astrid asked, and Cho chuckled.

"Yeah, Astrid, I do," he replied, still smiling. "You've been hanging around here long enough, now. I know a few things about you."

"Is-" one of the Triads little brothers entered the kitchen, looking around and stopping when he saw Astrid, "Boss is back," he told Cho, "he wants her upstairs." Cho gave Astrid a reassuring smile.

"Don't want to keep him waiting."

 

Chang's back was to her when she entered his rooms. He heard the door close, but didn't immediately look around. Instead he stared out the window, looking at the city. Astrid wasn't ready for this conversation, and despite what Cho had said it was hard not to put her proverbial armour on as she stared at the back of his head, waiting.

Astrid had been running her whole life; when she was a kid they'd moved around a lot in the military, it hadn't taken her many years in the foster system before she ran away, and when she'd been caught by traffickers she'd run again. She'd kept running, travelling, even in the military. She'd stayed in the IDF for five years, but eventually she even ran from that, too. Now she'd run to the ends of the earth, and there was nowhere else to go. But that didn't mean she didn't still feel the urge to run rather than face what she was sure would be a confrontation.

Finally, Astrid couldn't stand it anymore, and opened her mouth to speak just as Chang turned around to look at her. Under his gaze she closed her mouth, silenced again. He spoke first.

"What's gotten into you, Astrid?" he asked, walking towards her, running a hand through his hair. "For a while now, you've been acting out. Getting drunk, ignoring my calls, taking bad jobs, like the one last night. What's wrong with you?"

Astrid opened her mouth to answer, but couldn't find the words. She stood there, trying to think how to explain what had been going on in her head lately, when she didn't even fully understand it herself. She wanted Chang, but being with him hurt. And it wasn't just him, it was the whole city. She loved and hated it in equal measure, just like she loved and hated the man standing before her. For a while Astrid had been a soldier, and while it wasn't perfect at least she had been _something_. Here she was nothing. A stripper, a fake hooker, a killer for hire. A Triad boss's main girl. Astrid was silent for a long time, searching for her voice. Too long.

"You know what," Chang cut in, frustrated with her, angry, "it doesn't matter. It stops now. Understand? No more of this bullshit." Anger flared in Astrid's chest, and her expression, her whole stance, changed.

"Don't tell me what to do," she said, but Chang cut her off again.

"Just who do you think you're talking to?" he asked, his voice growing steadily louder, "what makes you think you can talk to me like that? What makes you think you can ignore my phone calls? When I call you, you answer- "

"You don't fucking own me, Bai!" Astrid yelled back, and she could see him fuming. "Stop acting like... like..."

"Like what, Astrid?" Chang said, his voice lower now, dangerous.

"Like I'm your fucking whore," Astrid spat, rage clouding her judgement, saying things she didn't mean. "Like one call and I'm meant to rush to your side-"

"You were just a stripper when I met you!" He shouted back, his arms spread wide in incredulity, "need I remind you? And who got you out of that place? Who gave you your first job? Is that how you treat a whore?"

"Shut up!" Astrid all but screamed, her eyes shining. The one person she had never thought would call her _"just a stripper,"_ had been him.

For a moment Chang looked like he was about to hit her.

"Don't talk to me like that," he repeated, "who exactly do you think you are?"

"I don't know, Bai!" Astrid shook her head, holding out her arms so he could take a good look at her, tears rolling down her face now. "You tell me."

Chang inhaled deeply, gripping the back of a chair so hard his knuckles were white.

"You think I treat you badly? Like a whore, or a stripper? No other girl could get away with what you get away with. No other girl could walk into my headquarters uninvited, unannounced, covered in blood like you did last night-"

"Then why don't you go have one of those girls?" Astrid said, her voice still raised, "if I'm so much trouble-"

"You are,"

"- then what the fuck do you need me for?!" Astrid folded her arms across herself, biting the inside of her lip to try and stop from crying.

"Is that what this is about?" Chang asked, "other women?" Astrid let out a humourless laugh, looking away from him, amazed that he would reduce it to this. "You're jealous. Was I unclear, at any point, what this was? Didn't I tell you, right from the start, that there were no promises between us? So now what, you want more? You want a relationship?"

"No." 

"Some sort of commitment from me?"

"No."

"Then what, Astrid, what do you want-?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Astrid shouted, her hands in her hair, effectively silencing Chang. He opened his mouth to speak again, but Astrid had had enough. She turned and all but ran from the room, slamming the door on the sound of him calling after her. She pummelled the elevator button, wiping her eyes roughly with his shirt sleeve. When the elevator arrived she stepped in, and as soon as the door closed she burst into tears.

Her crying jag was short, stifled by sobbing into her hands. She pulled herself together by the time she reached the ground floor, and ran to the exit. No one tried to stop her.


	16. Out Of Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to where we started.

**Roanapur, 1996, present day**

 

Several months passed. Life in the city went on. Astrid kept working, but no longer for the Triad. She wasn't contacted for jobs, and her phone didn't ring in the evenings anymore. Lagoon Company took on a new hire, a Japanese business man who went by Rock, and Astrid watched in amusement as he and Revy danced around each other, Two-Hands too hard headed to admit what was obvious to everyone around them, or just incapable. Astrid didn't push her on it, or poke fun. She knew first-hand what happened when you pushed Revy's buttons, and besides, people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Astrid got her head together. There had been a few days, after her final blow up with Chang, when she'd seriously considered leaving the city. There were places where she could get a new name, documents, like she had before. She had a little money saved. There was nothing stopping her from packing everything she owned into a backpack, and disappearing. Nothing, except that for better or worse, she belonged in Roanapur. The city was the closest thing to a home Astrid had ever felt. And Chang had been right, there was nowhere else in the world like it.

Her one serious brush with death had been enough, and Astrid stopped taking stupid jobs, stopped making impulsive decisions. She didn't get blind drunk, or get herself arrested. The jobs she did were clean, straightforward, well paid. But she kept busy. She went out most nights she wasn't working, usually to Yellow Flag, not liking to be alone.

She consciously forced herself not to think about Chang too much. During the day, it wasn't as difficult as she thought it would be. Before, it had been like she was living two lives; her day-to-day, where she walked in the sun, got on with things, made a living, and the life she lived with Chang in his bed, hidden from prying eyes. The former hadn't changed. It was only at night, when she was alone, that she couldn't get him out of her head. Which was why she didn't like being alone any more. Missing him was a constant ache that she learned to ignore, like a bad tooth. 

 

Then, a few days ago the Triad's offices had been blown up.

After what had happened at Lagoon Company's office Astrid had been half expecting Chang to get in touch. But she hadn't expected him to show up at her apartment door.

The knock was unexpected, and so she grabbed her Beretta off the table before walking to the door and checking the peephole. She paused when she saw who it was.

"I can hear you in there, you know," Chang said through the door, his tone slightly amused. Astrid paused for a moment, her palm flat on the door. Then she took the chain off the door and opened it.

"You surprised me," she replied, looking up at him. She was wearing a button-down shirt, underwear, and nothing else. It was a hot night. She hadn't bothered putting on more clothes; Chang had seen it all before, even if it had been a while. Even if things were different now.

"That's not something I ever get tired of," he said, "can I come in?" Astrid nodded and stepped aside, and Chang, for the first time, entered her small apartment.

The apartment was one open room, with a small separate bathroom, two windows with metal blinds and a view of the building opposite. There was no kitchen, just a mini fridge in what could be called the living room. Astrid had never learned to cook, and there were about 10 places within 100 yards where she could get cheap food. A sofa, a coffee table, a sort of sideboard, and a small TV comprised most of the furniture. She had a CD player with cheap speakers attached, an untidy stack of CDs next to it. There were some clothes on the floor and the sofa. To split off the bed from the rest of the room Astrid had put up a flimsy curtain, but it was pushed aside at the minute.

"Nice place you got here," Chang said, wryly, and Astrid took his point.

"It does the job," she said, folding her arms, "it also has the advantage of still being standing." Chang chuckled.

"Point taken." Astrid moved over to the window and twitched the blind, looking for Chang's cars, wondering where his guys were. "Although those hot heads only took out part of our offices, the main building is still standing- and I came here alone, since you're apparently wondering."

Astrid raised an eyebrow.

"Really?" she asked, "actually alone? No driver, no bodyguards, no little brothers?"

"Actually alone," Chang replied, nodding, "I am capable of taking care of myself, you know." He took out a cigarette and lit it, pushing aside the clothes on the sofa to sit down. Astrid grabbed the ash tray off the window sill and put it on the coffee table in front of him. "Want one?" he asked, and Astrid nodded, taking a cigarette and lighting up.

He watched her while he smoked.

"You showed your hand with the RPG the other day," she said, finally unable to take the silence anymore "to Rock, anyway. Once things had calmed down he had a lot of questions." Chang looked at her seriously, taking a long drag of his cigarette, smoking it down.

"Anything I need to take care of?" He asked, "does he need a reminder not to talk?" Astrid shook her head.

"He's curious, about a lot of shit that doesn't concern him, but he'll keep his mouth shut. Still," she tapped the ash off the end of her cigarette, "you shouldn't have done it. I don't need you to protect me."

"Even against RPGs?" Chang queried, smiling.

"Even against RPGs."

Chang sighed, finishing his cigarette and stubbing it out. "That was the promise I made to you," he said, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees, hands together, peering at her over steepled fingers. "That you wouldn't be hurt because of me, or if I could prevent it. The only promise I made you, if you remember?"

The ghost of their last real encounter hung in the air. The shouting. The careful shattering of any illusions. Door slamming.

"I remember," Astrid said, sharply, turning her back on him, walking over to the window, "why the fuck are you here, Bai? What do you want?"

Chang's reply was level, measured, but she could tell he was seething. "Don't talk to me like-"

"I'll talk to you however the fuck I want!" Astrid shouted back, coming to the end of her short temper. Same shit, different day. She turned, and he was on his feet.

"Control your temper-"

"Don't tell me what to do! I... fuck, I don't want to do this again. I don't belong to you, alright?" She turned her back to him for a moment, running her hand through her hair, but turned again when she heard Chang striding towards her, angry. Astrid raised her hand to hit him, shove him, or nothing, she didn't know. Chang grabbed her wrist and gripped tightly, his rage showing in the mark he'd leave. Astrid tried to shove him away from her, but he held on.

"What I want is you; that's what I fucking want, that's what I've always fucking wanted. Why do you have to be so god damn difficult? Why won't you just do what I want?!" His voice raised almost to a shout, for the first time.

"Because that's not who I am," Astrid replied, her voice low, now. "I don't do things just because you want me to. I always thought I'd made that clear. I've been telling you almost since the day we met, shit, I've tried to tell you again, tonight, but you don't want to hear it. You don't control me."

Chang's grip on her wrist softened, and he stared at her. She could see his expression softening, along with his grip. Then he took her by surprise, and kissed her.

The kiss caught Astrid off guard, and longing flooded her as he pulled her closer. It had been so long. So long, and she had missed him so much. It never went away, wanting this man. It was a constant ache, one she never got used to, no matter what she told herself. She kissed him back, deeply, tension in her body she hadn't realised she'd been holding finally releasing. Then the memory of their fight intruded. All the things they'd said. All the reasons she'd had for leaving. Astrid broke the kiss, turning her head away from him. 

"I know you well enough to know you want this," Chang murmured in her ear, moving to kissing her neck, but Astrid was stubborn.

"Go find one of your other girls," she spat, "I'm sure one of them will blow you if you ask nice, take care of that-" she reached between his legs and gave his growing erection a sharp squeeze, "-for you." Chang glared at her.

"Maybe I will," he said, grabbing her hands so she couldn't try anything else, "they never give me half the trouble you do..."

It was Astrid's turn to glare now. He was calling her bluff, and she was stubborn enough not to fold. "Fine," she said, even as he pushed her backwards against the wall, pinning her hands up, "go fuck the next girl in your rota, just don't think I'll be here waiting. You take care of you, I'll take care of me. You think you're the only man in this city I could have-?" Chang cut her off by shoving her more firmly against the wall, though not hard enough to hurt.

"Don't toy with me," he growled, and Astrid felt a nervous flutter in her stomach as he glowered down at her, eyes flashing. She had hit a nerve. "I don't want anyone else's hands on you, I'll kill anyone who touches you." Astrid could tell she shouldn't push too far, but she couldn't help it. She wanted his jealousy, for once. She was sick of being the one left wondering who he was with that night.

"Thought I was nothing but trouble?" she said, knowing she was in dangerous territory, but also able to feel his growing hard on against her thigh, "what do you care who I fuck? Why do you care what I do with other men?" In one swift movement Chang spun her around so she was facing the wall, still pressing hard against her to stop her from getting away, hitching up the shirt she was wearing and slapping her hard on the ass.

The sharp pain brought a wave of pleasure Astrid had been unprepared for. She gasped, her mouth slightly open, eyes fluttering closed for a split second before she regained her composure. Just the idea of Chang in control of her like this was almost too much for her to comprehend. But she didn't want to cave in.

"Insolent little girl," he growled in her ear, now rock hard against her, "what'll it take to get you to behave yourself?"

"I don't belong to you- fuck!" Astrid repeated her earlier statement, and Chang hit her ass again, right on the same spot. She couldn't help moving against him slightly, and Chang chuckled.

"You're starting to like this, aren't you?" he said, reaching around and unbuttoned her shirt. He let his hands drift over her breasts, as Astrid sucked in a breath and bit her lip.

"Fuck you," she spat, and Chang laughed softly again.

"Only if you learn to behave yourself," he said, and Astrid opened her mouth to curse him again, but before she could he pulled her shirt off and pushed her onto the bed, face down. "Stay there," he said, "palms on the bed. Don't move." Astrid made to turn, but he pushed her down. "Do what I tell you," he said, and with minimal resistance she complied. Her whole body was humming. Slowly, Chang pulled down her underwear, leaving her naked. But he didn't touch her.

For a long moment there was silence, and Astrid, facing away from him, couldn't tell what he was doing. She tried to turn again, to provoke a response, and Chang delivered by slapping her ass once more. This time Astrid gripped the bed sheets hard. "Stay still," Chang murmured, leaning close to her ear, "be a good girl and I'll give you what you want." His voice, what he was doing to her, all of it, was enough to make her head spin. Astrid bit her lip and, with a huge force of will, complied. She didn't turn, but heard Chang undressing.

After what felt like a long time, she felt him pressing up against her. She moaned softly and raised off the bed, but Chang pushed her back down again.

"Stay still," he told her again. Astrid bit her lip and scowled at him, but did what he said. "Good girl." _Good girl._ A shiver ran through Astrid at the words. She had heard them before, in a different context. All at once she wanted him so much she couldn't stand it. She wanted him to make her his own, tell her what to do so for once she didn't have to think, erase the past from her mind.

"Bai," she said, her voice breaking slightly. In his name was a plea. Chang smiled, and didn't make her wait any more.

 

They collapsed onto the bed when they finished, Chang flat on his back, Astrid half on top of him. As soon as she caught her breath, Astrid tried to move away, but Chang wrapped both arms around her and pulled her tightly against him.

"No," he murmured into her hair, "stay with me."

"You played dirty," Astrid replied, "that wasn't supposed to happen."

"You enjoyed it, don't try and pretend you didn't."

"Not the point..." Astrid muttered into his chest, no longer trying to get away. Chang gave a deep sigh, his chest rising and falling beneath her cheek.

"Fuck... Asti that was the best... damn." Chang struggled to find the words. "I missed you so much, you have no idea... I was going crazy without you."

"So, I'm not _'nothing but trouble,'_ then?" Astrid jibed, and Chang rolled them over so he was on top of her. Most of her soft, dark, slightly curled hair was strewn over the pillow, and Chang brushed away what had gotten in her face.

"You know I didn't mean that," he said, kissing her cheek, her neck, her chest, "I know you don't need me to tell you. I'm sorry for what I said. I was pissed. So were you. And I don't care." He stopped kissing her body to look her in the eyes. "Fight me, hate me, torture me in every way you can think of, just stay with me. Let me be selfish, and greedy. Let me keep you. Keep coming back to me, never stay away again. And I'll give you anything you want."

Astrid stared at Chang for a long moment. She'd never seen him like this, never heard him talk like this. She rolled them over again, and Chang let her, so she was straddling him, her hands on his chest, looking down at his face. She pushed back her hair, and asked, "anything?"

Chang nodded, taking her hand from his chest and kissing her palm.

"Stop fucking other girls." Astrid stated her demand, and Chang paused, looking at her.

"We decided, years ago, we wouldn't be that to each other. You want monogamy? A relationship?" Astrid shook her head, looking down, away from him. "Then what?"

"I just... I hate it, alright. I fucking hate the thought of you with them." She dug her fingernails into his chest, "I can't stand it. If you can fuck who you want," she looked back into his face, her eyes flashing, "then so can I. You won't stop me. And I'll stay away when I want to. And come by when I want, too."

Chang was silent for a long time.

"I don't like rules," he said, "I don't like restrictions. You know who I am. You know what I do."

"I don't care about that stuff," Astrid said, moving to get off him, but Chang sat up, putting both arms around her pulling her back.

"Stay," he interrupted, holding her close, and Astrid conceded, remaining straddling him.

"I don't care if you have girls as decoration at parties," she continued, "if you go to strip clubs, if you take a date to a business dinner. I don't give a fuck about any of that. But I don't want to show up to Rowan's to pick up a mark, and hear Candy bragging about how she blew you in the back of your car before you passed her over to your business associates as a _'gift'_." Chang inhaled angrily, before putting his hands in her hair, looking up at her face.

"That stupid bitch... don't listen to them. No, look at me," Astrid had turned her face away from his, and Chang pulled her back, "Astrid, you are the only woman who has my heart. You are not like those other girls." Astrid looked at him, stunned. It was the closest thing to a declaration that had ever passed between them. Chang paused, sighing. "I don't like rules," he repeated, slowly, "they only exist to be broken, otherwise you didn't need them in the first place. So, I'm not promising you anything. This will not be a rule between us. But... okay."

Astrid looked at him, confused.

"Okay?" she asked.

"Okay," he repeated, "I said I'd give you anything you wanted. You won't be hearing any other girls talk about... spending time with me. I'll be focusing my attention on you from now on. If, in the future, that changes... well, then you'll have a decision to make. But for now, that's how things will stand."

Astrid kissed him.

When she woke up late the next morning, he was gone. Some things didn't change.

Astrid rolled over and looked for her alarm clock, which had fallen under the bed. It was past noon. She sat up, yawned, stretched, and started looking for her cigarettes when she heard a knock on the door. She looked at it, then laughed to herself slightly, standing up and throwing on the shirt Chang had taken off her last night.

She opened the door, about to make a joke about how this wasn't like him, when she was hit on the side of the head.

Astrid went down, struggling, trying to get to her gun that was lying on the coffee table, but impeded by two much stronger men. Then one of them jabbed a needle in her neck, and everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter was a bit more sexually explicit than I usually write, but I felt like it was necessary for their dynamic. I'm not great at that kind of writing, but I think I did an okay job.
> 
> Bonus points if you remember where Astrid heard "good girl," before.


	17. Far From Home

Astrid woke in a dark, concrete room. The only light came from the slightly open door; there were no windows. She was kneeling, her arms above her head, her hands chained and hooked to something, which was holding her up. She felt sick. The room was spinning, and Astrid closed her eyes, focusing on getting her head together. Slowly, she regained full consciousness, and gave herself an assessment.

Her knees were sore, and her arms were numb. Her neck, where she'd been injected, ached. She shifted her hands, tugging at her bonds, and heard a clink; chains, or handcuffs. Aside from that she seemed to be fine, apart from the fact that she was completely and royally fucked.

Chained up in a Roanapur basement. Astrid couldn't think of a worse predicament to find herself in. The room was stiflingly hot. Her mouth was dry. Astrid took three deep breaths, trying to stifle the fear and panic that was threatening to take over. She'd been trained for this- well, not this, exactly. She'd been trained in the military to keep calm if captured and withstand interrogation. Locked in a dark room, kept in uncomfortable positions, deprived of sleep, food, berated with questions. The major difference was this was for real, and she doubted her captors now would stop short of physical violence. Who knew who these fuckers were, or what they wanted.

The door opened.

"She's awake," said a man, tall, skinny, but strong looking, wiry, balding and with shitty tattoos peeking out from under his short sleeve shirt. Two other men entered, one shorter, with a full beard, visible even with the scarf wrapped around his lower face- they all hid their faces-  the other just as tall, but built differently, bigger.

"Finally," said the shorter guy, walking up to Astrid and grabbing her by the chin. "Hey, sweetheart, look at me." He slapped her, hard, hard enough to make her ears ring, then pulled her face back around to his. "You listening? Good. Here's what's going to happen. You're going to behave yourself, alright, not cause us any trouble, and we promise not to hurt you too much. Your boss man is going to give us what we want, and then you'll walk out of here."

"Or," interjected the first man, "he'll decide you're not worth it, and leave you here for us to play with." All three laughed.

"Got that? Hey!" He hit her again, harder this time, with a closed fist. Astrid felt her lower lip split. "I'm talkin' to you!"

Astrid spat blood in his face, and didn't answer. Once you started talking, it was harder to stop.

"You cunt!" shouted the bearded man, wiping his face. He punched her, right in the face, and again, then kicked her hard in the ribs. The wind was knocked out of her and Astrid gasped for breath.

"That's enough. Fuck, we need her alive." Said the first guy, the tall one, and the bearded man stopped, breathing hard, angry.

"Watch yourself, you little bitch!" he said, jabbing a finger at her, wiping again where her spit had been. They left, closing the door, leaving her in darkness.

Astrid coughed, and spat out more blood on the floor. She tugged on her restraints, spent a good ten minutes achieving nothing more than bruising her wrists, before she gave up. Handcuffs, she was sure now, good ones. She was secured to something that wasn't moving. She wasn't getting out that way.

She wanted to scream, but forced herself to stay silent. The best thing to do was say nothing. Say nothing, give nothing away. Not even how fucking desperate you were to get out, something they must know already.

Boss man. Astrid knew who that could be, but she was still confused. Chang, it had to be. Someone was holding her, hoping to get something out of Chang. Well, they'd be fucked. They were as good as dead. When they made their demands, when he found out someone had her, he'd come. He'd come for her, and he'd kill them all, every last one.

...wouldn't he?

Chang was serious about his business. And he answered to the Triad back in Hong Kong. He'd been doing this long before Astrid had arrived in Roanapur. Maybe there had been other girls, one's he'd never told her about, ones who'd ended up in a basement like this one...

Astrid's thoughts grew darker the longer she hung in that room.

 

Chang paced his office, agitated. He poured himself a drink, and looked out the window over the city.

He had just called Astrid for the second time that night, and there had been no answer. Until yesterday, that wouldn't have surprised him. But now... Astrid was impulsive, difficult, sometimes impossible. She was difficult to predict, and she didn't always handle things well. But Chang knew all of that because he knew her. And this wasn't like her. After their last conversation, she would have taken his call.

He pressed a button on the intercom on his desk.

"Send Cho in."

Not two minutes later Cho walked into his office.

"Yes, boss?"

"Call Yellow Flag," Chang told him, "check if Astrid is there. If not, go to her apartment. Let me know if you find anything."

Cho hesitated, something he never did when given an order. "Is something wrong?"

"Hopefully nothing," Chang replied, "get in touch as soon as you find her, or... as soon as you find her."

"Sure, boss."

Cho turned to leave, when one of their little brothers burst in without knocking.

"Dailo," he blurted out, looking hassled.

"What?" Chang demanded, putting his drink down forcefully. "What is it? What?"

 

"...she's not gonna know shit!"

"Well there's only one way to find out."

The door opened, and Astrid squinted at the sudden light, her eyes adjusted to absolute darkness. She'd been left hanging there for hours, a day, she wasn't sure anymore. Her arms and hands were numb. Two of the guys from before, accompanied by someone new, entered the room, one of them carrying a long chain.

One of them walked right up to Astrid and slapped her, hard.

"Hey," he said, grabbing her by the hair and making her look at him, "I got your attention? You with us? Good."

The guy with the chain, the new one she hadn't seen last time, chuckled and let the chain swing gently back and forth in a pendulum motion.

"Damn," he said, "her boss sure know how to pick 'em. Look at her." Astrid scowled, but said nothing. She was wearing one of Chang's shirts, mostly unbuttoned, underwear, and nothing else. She wasn't even armed; the one time she answered the door without her Beretta in hand.

"Hey, girlie, you hear that?" The first guy said, still gripping her hair tightly, "he likes you. Maybe if we get the go ahead, we'll let him have a go on you. Maybe we all get a turn, huh? 'Cause your boss, he ain't got back to us yet. We made our demands, and we hear nothin'. What do you think about that?"

Astrid stayed silent, staring at him defiantly.

"I said," he punched her, and for a second all she saw was a bright light, "what do you think about that? Answer me?"

"She don't know shit, man," his friend said, from where he leaned against the wall, "I told you, these guys don't tell their bitches anything about the business."

"She's not meant to be just some hooker!" The first guy yelled, getting angry, which didn't bode well for Astrid, "that was the whole fucking point! He's meant to give a shit what happens to this one, yeah? That's what we were- what we know." He changed tack fast, but not fast enough. Someone told them to go after her.

"Still," replied the man in the corner, half hidden in the shadow, "she's just a girl. He won't tell her anything. I didn't think this plan would work. What the fuck does he care if he loses this one? He'll get another. What does Hong Kong care if he loses his favourite? They won't let him pass on any info to get her back. We should cut our losses and have some fun."

Astrid still said nothing. She was trying not to jump to conclusions. The truth was, they were right. Chang didn't tell her anything about the business, aside from what she needed to do her part, when he hired her. She had no idea why he hadn't responded to them. She hoped it was because he was looking for her, but it could be... she didn't know for sure that he hadn't decided not to trade anything for her. To not even respond.

"You've been quiet all this time, sweetheart," said the guy with the chain, taking a step forward, "that ends now. You're gonna tell us anything we want to know, anything about your boss we might find interesting. Even if we can't get what we want out of him, we can at least make this worth our time."

He approached her, swinging the chain around in a circle. "Last chance. You talk, or you scream, your choice."

Astrid was determined to do neither, but almost failed the second the chain hit her back. Her mouth opened, but she silenced the scream in her throat.

It went on for a long time. They didn't always use the chain, and they made sure she didn't pass out. The whole time, Astrid didn't scream, though it took every inch of will power and concentration not to. Everything else went away, and all she focused on was not screaming, until she'd forgotten why keeping silent had been so important in the first place. Because aside from her pride, Astrid had been sure that they wanted her to scream, would get off on it, and that her screams would start a whole other round of games for them.

She didn't scream. Eventually they got bored, or figured if they kept going they would kill her, or both. They left her hanging in the dark, spitting blood, her ears ringing. Her knees had been scraped on the rough concrete floor. Everything hurt. Astrid drifted in and out of consciousness, unable to sleep, listening for every slight sound, anything that might give her a hint of what was to come next. Time had warped, for her. What could have been seconds felt like minutes, and minutes felt like an hour. All she could do was wait.


	18. World in Flames

"Mr. Chang, if I may say so, sir, you need to calm down." Dutch's deep, level voice seemed to wash over Chang as he stormed into Lagoon Company's offices.

"You know the situation, Dutch," he said, his pistol in his hand, finger twitching to the trigger in a way that made Revy watch his hand nervously, "and you tell me to calm the fuck down?!"

"With all due respect, sir, yes," Dutch replied. Chang glared at him, looked for a moment like he wanted to shoot him. They both knew he wouldn't.

"We're getting a location, as we speak," Chang said, still pacing, "as soon as we do, we go in. I'd hoped you'd help, but I'll do it myself if I need to."

"That's exactly what I'm worried about, Chang," Dutch said. Revy, watching, rubbed the back of her head and lit up a cigarette. "You should stay away from this. Right now, they don't know what they got. You go in there, guns blazing, you'll show your hand. Let us handle this. We can do this job."

Chang shook his head. No. No way. He was getting that location, and as soon as he did he was going in and killing every last one of them.

"No," he said, "Two Hands, you in?"

"Hell yeah," Revy said, shrugging at Dutch, who sighed and shrugged himself.

"Sir!" a young man stopped in the doorway, panting from running, looking harassed and more than a little bit terrified, "sir, we have the locatio-"

Chang pushed past him, and Revy followed.

"Shit..." Dutch said to the empty room. He picked up the phone and called Balalaika.

 

"What's the plan, boss?" Revy asked Chang in the back of the car, which was speeding through the streets of Roanapur. She checked her Berettas, reloading, making sure everything was good, something Chang would usually have done himself, but he was sitting on the edge of his seat, agitated, seemingly willing the car to go faster.

"The plan is we kill them, Two-Hands," he said, through gritted teeth. "We get in there and we kill every last one of those scumbags."

"Uhh..." Revy shifted uncomfortably, looking at Chang with uncertainty for possibly the first time ever. It wasn't like the boss to not be completely in control. Chang sighed.

"You and I will take point," he said, speaking quickly, "my men will cover the outside and back us up."

"Got it," Revy said, reassured. He hadn't lost it; this operation wasn't going to go to hell. Get in, get Astrid, get out. Simple.

 

Astrid heard gun shots. The man who had been in the process of ripping the buttons off her shirt- she wasn't sure which one, they had all started to blur- paused in his actions.

"What the fuck was that?" he asked his friend, who shrugged, "well go find out!" He jumped up and ran to the door, pulling a gun as he went. Gunshots continued, a full assault, what sounded like at least four people, but from the rhythm Astrid thought it might just be two. She laughed, her head hung low, blood dripping from her lips onto the floor. Soon she was hysterical, unable to stop laughing.

"What?!" demanded her captor, grabbing her by the chin and forcing her head up. "What?!" He slapped her, and Astrid stopped laughing.

"Awh, sugar," she said, the first words she'd spoken since she arrived, "you're gonna die."

 

Chang and Revy carved through the amateurs like a hot knife through butter. Even so, Chang's whole focus was on pushing forward, getting through the door, then the next one, moving deeper into the building, to where he would find her. He didn't check his back, and several times Revy had to cover him.

"Slow down, boss!" she yelled, emptying her Beretta into some guys skull and shoving in a new cartridge. Chang didn't answer, killing the next guy that rounded the corner. Then the next, and the next two. And the one who came up the stairs to his left, who tried to turn and run when he saw the barrel of the gun pointed right at him. He fell backwards down the stairs, and Chang paused. A basement.

 

Astrid's captor crashed back down the stairs as quickly as he'd run up them, his gun still half in his pants, his skull blown open at the back. She thought about calling out, but couldn't find her voice. All her energy had left her. She heard someone coming down the stairs, and the next face she saw was Chang's. He lifted her chin, then ducked between her lifted arms, raised her up to take the weight off. Astrid groaned as blood began to rush back into her arms and hands. He reached up, freed her hands from the chain holding her to the ceiling, and then sank to his knees with her.

A few gunshots were fired upstairs; Revy finishing up.

"Astrid..." he said, in her ear, sounding more lost than she'd ever heard him. She couldn't respond, but relief like she had never known flooded her, despite the pain she was still in. He had come. He hadn't left her here to rot. To die. She should have known better than to even think it. Astrid tried to grip onto him, but her hands were too weak. In one movement Chang manoeuvred her into his arms and stood, lifting her easily. Moving swiftly, he headed up the stairs, running into Revy half way.

"I've got her," he said unnecessarily, "take point, Revy, I can't carry her and a gun." Revy nodded, staring at Astrid for a moment before turning. Chang needn't have worried; there was no one left able to fight. Together they left the building, and headed to Chang's car, the driver ready to go.

"Make an example of them," Chang said to two of his brothers, standing by the door, who nodded and headed inside as they left. Chang climbed carefully into the car, not letting go of Astrid, who's hands were still handcuffed together around his neck. Revy piled in behind them.

"Drive," he said, and they started moving. He turned his full attention back to Astrid, who was on his lap, her head on his chest. Chang shifted to take off his coat, and Astrid groaned as he jostled her. "Shhh, baby," he murmured, without thinking twice about Revy, watching them, "you're okay." He got his coat off, and wrapped it around her.

"Shit..." Revy said, looking at Astrid, her eyes lingering on the bruises and broken skin. She hadn't known what she'd expected, but it hadn't been this.

 

They arrived at the Triad's headquarters quickly. The driver got out and opened the door for Chang, helping him manoeuvre Astrid.

"Take Revy back to Lagoon Company offices," Chang told him, "or wherever she wants to go. Two-Hands, you and Lagoon Company will be compensated for your work tonight."

"Thanks, boss," Revy said, her usual energy lacking. The driver closed the car door.

Chang walked with Astrid into the office, moving quickly, and was met at the door by several of his brothers, some looking concerned, others agitated, almost annoyed.

"Get a doctor," he ordered, "quickly. Send him up to my room. And bring up some warm water, and cloths. And bottled water. Alcohol. Any prescription meds we have lying around. And someone bring something to get these handcuffs off."

"Yes, boss," Chang's brother said, as the elevator doors closed. He looked down at Astrid, still in his arms, and felt sick. Her right eye was bruised and swollen, along with her cheekbone and lip, both of which had split open.

"Bai?" she said, quietly, almost making him jump. Her voice was dry, scratchy, and she sounded exhausted.

"You're okay," he answered, as the doors pinged open, "you're safe."

Chang entered his rooms with her and carried her over to the bed. He laid her down as gently and slowly as he could, removing her handcuffed hands from around his neck, but she still groaned in pain as she shifted and put weight on her bruised back.

"I know," he murmured, soothingly, "I know baby, it'll feel better soon..." he was only half lying. As soon as the doctor arrived he planned on medicating her into blissful oblivion, maybe sooner. He brushed her hair, matted with blood, back from her forehead. She was half naked already, wearing only one of his shirts, which was splattered with blood. He cut it off to assess the damage, rather than move her to take it off properly and risk hurting her more.

There was a knock while he was working, and the door opened.

"We have what you asked for, sir," Chang didn't look at them, his eyes on Astrid's body, the bruises that had been under the shirt now visible.

"Get the handcuffs off," he said, stepping back, his eyes not leaving her. One of his little brothers approached with metal tools he used like a key, keeping his eyes respectfully on his task. It didn't take long. Astrid's wrists under the handcuffs were bloody. "Where's the doctor?" Chang asked, kneeling back down next to the bed once his little brother stepped away.

"On the way. Close," was the reply, and Chang nodded.

"You can leave," Chang said, "send him up as soon as he gets here." His brother's left without another word, and Chang picked up one of the cloths they had brought up. He dipped it in the bowl of warm water, wrung it out, and started soaking the blood off her skin. He started with her hair and face, pressing gently, then moved onto her wrists. She whimpered gently as he pressed the rough cloth to her broken skin, but Chang shushed her and spoke softly to her as he worked, promising it would be quick.

"Turn over, Astrid," he said, sitting on the bed and putting his hands under her shoulders. "I'll help you." With some effort Astrid rolled over, exposing her back to him. Chang inhaled sharply. Her back had received the brunt of the chain, and had the worst bruises. The skin over her shoulder blade, where it was stretched thinnest, had split from the force of the blow. For the first time Chang started to worry about internal bleeding, and wondered again where the fuck that doctor was.

Her back was mostly bruises, but he cleaned off the small amount of blood, finishing right when the elevator pinged open and the doctor entered, without knocking.

"Thank you for coming," Chang said, standing and looking at the doctor, a small Thai man, who the Triad always went to when they needed, which wasn't often. In their line of work, you were usually either fine or dead. The doctor waved away the thanks, and approached Astrid.

"Beaten?" he asked, bending to examine her back, and Chang nodded.

"I was worried about internal bleeding," he said, his arms folded across his chest, watching as the doctor examined her.

"You were worried, hmm?" the doctor replied, "let me worry, yes?" He ran a hand over her back, feeling the bruises, and Chang watched Astrid visibly shudder, slipping in and out of consciousness. "Cracked ribs," he said, nodding, "probably fine, only way to know for sure is to bring her to hospital. But even if she bleeding, we'll have time to get her there. I suggest watching and waiting, for now, I check on her again in the morning, for my usual fee."

Chang nodded, slowly. He wanted to avoid going to a hospital.

"I'll need to clean the wounds," he said, "pass my bag." Chang complied; the doctor could get away with insolence those without his skills couldn't. He pulled out a strong-smelling antiseptic, and began applying it to the split skin on Astrid's back. She inhaled sharply at the sting, hunching her shoulders to get away, but the doctor held firm.

"It's okay, just antiseptic," Chang told her, moving around to the other side of the bed to get closer to her. When the doctor was finished he applied some paper stitches, and left it at that.

"Roll her over," he said, and Chang complied, gently rolling Astrid over as he had before. The doctor hummed when he saw her face.

"Hmmm," he said, frowning, "pretty girl. I do my best, but there might be a small scar, here and here," he indicated her cheekbone and eyebrow, where her skin had split on some scumbag’s knuckles. Chang felt a new wave of rage wash over him. The fact that those pieces of shit, who weren't even good enough to look at her face, had possibly altered it irrevocably...

"Do what you can," he said, his voice level, despite how he felt. The doctor nodded and went through the same routine of applying antiseptic.

"Hold the skin together," he told Chang, when it came to applying the paper stitches, "better to get an even line." Chang did as he was told, gently holding the edges of the cut so the doctor could apply the stitches. Lastly came her wrists, which he disinfected like everything else, and bandaged.

"Might be some marks here, too," he said, shrugging, "not a lot I can do about that. Skins rubbed, can't do stitches..." he went into his bag, rummaging around and pulling out bottles of pills.

"What about her ribs?" Chang asked, and the doctor shrugged.

"Not much we can do about those. They heal on their own. Could bandage her, but doesn't do much..." he saw how Chang was looking at him, and sighed. "Alright, but I'm telling you, make no difference..."

Chang held Astrid up while the doctor tightly wrapped a few layers of bandage around her middle. When he was done, he lay her back down. Astrid's eyes were closed, she hardly seemed aware of them.

"She's been like this since I got her out," Chang said, "half unconscious. You don't think she hit her head?" The doctor briefly examined her skull.

 "Was there much blood? From her head?" Chang shook his head. "Then no, she fine. How long was she gone for?" He pulled out a small light and tried to lift Astrid's eyelid to examine her, but she blinked and turned her head.

"72 hours," Chang said, through gritted teeth.

"Hmmm. She fine, see. Exhausted. But I can set up an IV, for dehydration." The doctor pulled and IV bag, tubing, and a needle from his large bag, followed by a stand that unfolded to the right height. "Need this a lot, in my line of work," he muttered, "lots of drunks, ODs..." he stuck his tongue between his teeth as he focused on getting the needle into Astrid's vein. She flinched. "Hold her steady." Chang complied, and the doctor got the needle in, securing it with a piece of tape.

"Give her two of these," he put a pill bottle on the table, "it'll take care of the pain and she'll sleep for a long time. Then give her these," he put a second bottle next to the first, "painkillers. Give her a little booze if they need an extra kick. Not too many."

"Thank you," Chang said as the doctor stood, "you'll receive your payment downstairs, and come back tomorrow to check on her. For the same fee, of course."

"Of course," said the doctor, and left without another word. Chang picked up the bottled water, took out two of the pills from the first bottle, and put an arm behind Astrid's shoulders, propping her up. She groaned in pain. "I know," he said, "just take these, here," he put the pills in her mouth and brought the water bottle quickly to her lips. "Drink. It'll help with the pain, then you can sleep. I promise."

Astrid did as he said, and then he lay her back down. Chang went to move away, but felt her weak grip on his wrist. Of everything that had happened over the last few days, that was what broke his heart. She wanted him near, she trusted him and didn't want him to leave, she looked to him for comfort. But it was his fault she was lying in that bed in the first place.


	19. Real Life

"Did you give her the pills, like I said?"

Astrid was awoken by someone prodding at her arm, talking over her. With what felt like a great effort she opened her eyes. It took her a moment to take in her surroundings.

At first she didn't recognise where she was, only that she was in a large bed instead of a concrete basement. Her whole body felt heavy, like she was tied down. When she became aware of her body, she became aware of the pain she was in. Everything hurt. It was hard to tell what was wrong, to tell one pain from another.

"Astrid?"

Chang's voice broke through Astrid's hazy thoughts, and she turned her head to see him standing by the bed, next to a man she didn't know. This man was the one prodding her arm, pulling out a needle she hadn't known was there. Astrid inhaled sharply as the needle was removed, and Chang glared at the other man.

"Sorry," he said, not sounding it at all. "Okay. I check for bleeding now." He went to pull down the bed sheet that was covering her, and Astrid recoiled.

"It's okay," Chang told her, sitting at the head of the bed and brushing back her hair, "he's a doctor. He just needs to check for... for internal bleeding."

"Hmmm," said the doctor, not looking at Astrid and pulling down the sheet. He poked and prodded at her abdomen with cold fingers. "Not distended, good sign. Any dizziness?" he looked at Astrid, who shook her head with great effort. "Okay." The doctor took out a stethoscope and pressed it to her stomach, tapping her skin, listening, then doing it all over again. Astrid watched, confused, not understanding what he was doing.

"She's okay," he said, finally, and Chang pulled up the bedsheet to cover her again, "give her more meds, rest, don't strain yourself. You be fine." Chang nodded, and stood to escort the doctor out. "My fee-"

"You'll be paid downstairs," Chang cut him off, "your usual amount." Astrid could tell he was losing patience, and the doctor could, too. He didn't say anything else, just left.

Chang walked back over to Astrid, who was trying to sit up, wincing as her ribs screamed in protest.

"Don't try to move," Chang told her, "here." He grabbed a pillow to put behind her so she was in slightly more of a sitting position.

"I heard something about meds?" Astrid said, her voice horse and scratchy from disuse. Chang picked up a bottle from the bedside table and tipped two pills into his hand.

"Here you go," he said, giving them to her and then holding water to her lips so she could drink. When she swallowed Astrid lay back on the pillows, that small exertion taking a lot out of her.

Chang sat down in a chair he had pulled up to the bedside, and Astrid felt his eyes on her. She looked at him, to see him looking more lost than she had ever seen him. He seemed at a complete loss for words.

"I've never seen you in the morning," she said, the realisation hitting her. Chang looked at her questioningly. "You're always gone when I wake up." Suddenly he was unable to hold her gaze.

"I'm sorry," he said, finally, his voice cracking. He sounded broken. "I am so, so sorry."

"It's not your fault," Astrid told him, staring at the top of his head, bowed low.

"It is," Chang replied, firmly, sounding angry, but not at her, "it's entirely my fault."

Then he began to tell her everything he had learned while she had been taken, and during the night while she slept.

"You remember, two years ago," he started, "you told me about a mole inside the Triad, in Roanapur?" Astrid gave a small nod, anything more too difficult. Chang sighed. "Would you believe me if I told you there were two moles?"

"No," Astrid answered, at once, and Chang gave a small smile.

"Well, no," he conceded, "you're right, it wasn't exactly like that. There was a mole, just like you said, low level guy, had been with us for a little while. Then there was another. A rat. Hadn't been with us that long, got spooked, regretted getting in so deep. He wanted out. So, he started relaying information to the police in Hong Kong." Chang paused for a moment, rubbing his eyes, then continued. "When we started investigating, turned out some of our people had been suspicious of this guy for a while. We put some pressure on him, and he cracked, easily enough. We thought he was your mole."

"But the other guy..." Astrid said, slowly, almost not wanting to hear the answer.

"The other guy, the real mole, he saw what we did to the rat and got scared. Stopped leaking information, for a while. Said he needed to go quiet. That's what he told us he told his real boss, anyway. He's the one who sold you out."

"Who was it?" Astrid asked, and Chang looked at her sharply. He didn't want to say. "Who?"

"Wei," he answered, finally, and Astrid looked away. She had known him. Not well, but well enough. They'd played cards together. He was a jumpy guy, overly cautious, and Astrid had used to tease him about it. Those memories took on a different colour, now.

"Why?" she asked, her voice thick. She could tell Chang didn't want to answer.

"They wanted information out of me," he said, eventually, "Hong Kong have an operation underway that they wanted to know more about. They... they didn't know what they had. They thought you were..." he stopped, taking a breath.

"Your favourite?" Astrid finished for him, remembering what she had heard while she was captive.

"Yes," Chang confirmed, quietly. "They thought they were sending a message, nothing more. To them you were... you were more than a hooker, but less than a wife." Astrid could tell how hard it was for Chang to say these things, and didn't hold his enemy’s assumptions against him. He continued. "I led them right to you. I'm sorry, Astrid. When I visited your apartment, they knew where to find you." Astrid felt her eyes fill with tears. She'd never heard Chang like this, sounding so broken, so pleading.

"But you came for me," Astrid said, gently, desperate to alleviate his guilt.

"Of course, I came for you," he said, "of course... I should never have let this happen. No one should ever have been able to touch you. Of course, I'd come for you. Did you think for a moment that I wouldn't?"

"No," Astrid lied, managing a small smile. The dark places her mind had wandered while she was locked in that basement didn't matter anymore. She wouldn't hurt him more than he already was for the world. Chang took her hand in both of his, and rested his forehead on their clasped hands. They stayed like that for a long time.

Astrid made to push herself off the bed, and Chang looked up at her.

"Don't-" he began, but Astrid cut him off.

"Bathroom," she said, and he relented. "I feel gross." In truth, she really wanted to get out of that bed for a moment, maybe just be alone. She needed some time to breathe, assess, process.

Chang helped her out of the bed, Astrid wincing as the movement hurt her cracked ribs. She had a feeling everything was going to hurt for a while. He brought her a robe, so she wouldn't be cold, and Astrid put it on gingerly. Then she left him, walking into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her with a click.

She turned to look in the mirror, and her eyes filled with tears, shocked. She looked awful.

It was even worse than she had thought. Her eye, brow, cheek and lip were completely swollen and bruised. Her lip was split, purple with blood, as was her cheekbone and above her eyebrow, which both had stitches. Astrid turned and lowered the robe so she could see her back in the mirror. It was a patchwork of black and blue, almost no skin left unmarked.

Astrid clapped a hand to her mouth to stifle a sob. The shock of it all hit her all at once. She hurriedly turned the taps on the sink to drown out the muffled sounds of her crying, keeping her hands clamped over her lips, sobbing as she stared at her reflection, almost unrecognisable.

It took her a long time to get herself together. Finally, she took one last long shuddering breath, and wiped her eyes for the last time with a cool damp cloth. They were still red, but there wasn't anything she could do about that. If she stayed in the bathroom much longer Chang would think something was wrong.

She exited to find him pouring himself some whiskey.

"Want one?" he asked, and Astrid nodded, not trusting her voice, her throat still thick from crying. Booze to mix with her pain meds sounded like just what the doctor ordered, right now. Chang poured her a generous amount, and handed it to her. Astrid gulped it down, sitting on the bed, gripping the side to keep steady.

"Okay," Chang said, gently, taking the glass when she was done. Then he followed suit, and drained his own. Astrid lay back down in bed, on her side, to take the pressure off her bruised back.

"Do you have to go?" she asked, looking up at him. Chang hesitated for a moment, and Astrid knew he did. The city didn't stop because one girl got beaten. Hell, that's practically what this city ran on. But instead of apologising, he wavered.

"Not right now," Chang answered, and Astrid gave a small smile, glad to be wrong. He pulled off his shoes and took off his tie, leaving it on the chair he had pulled up to the bed. Then he lay down next to her in his shirt and suit trousers, gently putting an arm around her, letting Astrid find a position that was somewhat comfortable, which was made easier by the painkillers starting to take effect. Soon the booze kicked things up a notch, and Astrid drifted off to sleep.


	20. You Want it Darker

Astrid stayed at Triad headquarters for a couple of weeks after her kidnapping. There were several reasons for this; the first, that Chang wanted to keep her where he knew she was safe, went unspoken. The other, more practical reasons, were that it wouldn't be good to draw attention to what had happened to Astrid, and walking around Roanapur looking like a distasteful advert for domestic violence would do just that. Not to mention that at Triad HQ Astrid had everything she needed, whereas at her own apartment she didn't even have food.

After his uncharacteristic display of vulnerability to Astrid, Chang went back to his usual self, completely in control. Despite living at the Triad offices, Astrid didn't see him all that much. He was always busy during the day, sometimes working late into the night. If anything, he was more withdrawn than he had been before. Sometimes he'd spend the night in his office, drinking steadily and staring out over the city. Astrid could tell he was turning something over in his mind, and knew better than to ask what it was.

Her bruises got worse before they got better, but soon they were looking a lot worse than they felt. The cuts on her cheekbone and above her right eyebrow would leave small scars, but Astrid didn't mind that too much. Her ribs were what bothered her the most, though now the pain was just a constant mid-level kind. Well, her ribs, and the boredom. She self-medicated for both with booze, mixing in the painkillers at night to get to sleep.

Most of the Triad members Astrid knew were pleased that she was okay, and angry at Wei on her behalf. But she noticed that several others, ones she didn't know personally, seemed irritated with her. Not just for hanging around HQ, but for everything, for getting taken in the first place. Over the next couple of weeks Astrid picked up a general feeling of dissent within the Triad, friction between those who supported Chang unquestioningly, and those who felt Astrid was causing trouble their boss shouldn't be involving them in.

Thanks to boredom, and people generally getting used to her presence, Astrid heard a lot she wouldn't have normally. She heard about the Triad brothers flying in from Hong Kong before Chang told her.

She knew better than to bring it up herself; Chang didn't often talk about the business with her, and he didn't like to be questioned. If she needed to know, he'd tell her. And she did.

It was an uncharacteristically cool evening, and for once Chang was with Astrid in his private rooms rather than in his office. He had mixed them up two Old Fashioneds, and the pair of them were drinking and smoking in comfortable silence. Astrid could tell there was something on his mind.

"We have some visitors coming, soon," Chang said, out of the blue, and Astrid who had been watching the sky outside turned to look at him, waiting for him to elaborate. "From Hong Kong. The Triad's main offices."

"Why?" Astrid asked, surprised and unable to hold back. Chang stretched and yawned.

"Well," he said, "because of you, actually." Astrid felt a jolt of panic, and Chang smiled slightly at the look on her face. "Don't worry, it's not you they have a problem with." He didn't say who their problem was with, but Astrid thought she could guess. "I can handle it. There's a meeting set up, and Balalaika will be there."

"Why Balalaika?" Astrid said, "if it's Triad business-"

"Don't worry about it," he told her, looking and sounding so completely relaxed that Astrid couldn't help but be reassured.

"When will they get here?"

"Tomorrow."

There was silence between them again for a little while.

"Can I be there?" she asked, eventually. Chang looked at her, wheels turning.

"Yes," he said, surprising her. She had been expecting a firm no. "Yeah, I think that would be a good idea." He smiled at her, then sighed, finishing his drink. "Come here."

Astrid stood up carefully and walked over to him. Chang took her hand and gently pulled her down so she was sitting on his lap in the chair. He put a hand to her cheek, looking at her bruises.

"Do they still hurt?" he asked, and Astrid shook her head.

"Not much." Chang stroked her cheek gently.

"Good."

He was behaving very differently to how he had the past two weeks. He had been distant, not cold, not uncaring, but absent and not overly affectionate. When he was with her Astrid could tell he was thinking about other things, matters he found troubling. He spent a lot of time in his office. Now he took her hand again and raised it to his lips, kissing her palm.

"Stay with me, a while," he said, quietly. They sat together for a long time.

 

The representatives from Hong Kong arrived the next day, as promised.

Astrid wasn't afforded a seat at the table, and hadn't expected one. Like when she had seen Chang and the other mafia bosses torture Roth, she stood in the back, next to a few select Triad members. Cho was flanking Chang, standing over his right shoulder, just as Boris was standing by Balalaika.

"Thank you for joining us, Miss Balalaika," Chang said, surveying her from behind his dark sunglasses, "can we get you anything? Another drink, perhaps?"

"Yes, Chang," Balalaika replied, "thank you." Astrid had a million questions; what concern was she to Hong Kong, for starters, and why was Balalaika at the meeting when none of the other Roanapur bosses were? But she knew to keep her mouth shut.

"Before we begin," Balalaika interjected, her blue eyes drifting over to Astrid, "is it necessary for your... consort, to join us for this meeting?" The eyes of the two men from Hong Kong flitted to Astrid.

"This is Triad business," one of them said, "we don't usually allow outsiders-"

"Need I remind you, Mr. Zhang," Chang said, firmly cutting him off, "that Miss Balalaika here is also an outsider." Astrid understood then that Chang bringing her into the meeting had been a power play. "And while we're on the topic of what we don't usually do, gentlemen," Chang leaned back in his chair, holding out a hand in which Cho promptly placed a cigarette, lighting it for his boss, "we don't usually question the autonomy of individual factions within the Triad. Never before have I had to ask permission from our boss to take action. Have the rules on that changed?"

"This is not a question of permission," came the reply, "this is a matter of your actions affecting our organisation as a whole, not to mention a question of whether your judgement can still be trusted."

Chang didn't answer. He just watched Zhang, flicking ash off the end of his cigarette, cold. Astrid wondered how anyone dared speak to him like that. After shifting awkwardly, Zhang continued.

"After the girl was taken you took the location yourself, seemingly without thought to the consequences, without planning," he said, "if it weren't for Miss Balalaika cleaning up after you, pressuring their associates into non-retaliation, the situation could have escalated- and it's nothing to do with your autonomy, Mr. Chang," Zhang added, catching Chang's look, "it is a question of your judgement being clouded."

All at once, Astrid understood what was happening. She’d been in Roanapur long enough to have some understanding of the intricate power structures that consisted the different mafias. One’s place at the top was never secure. Someone had sensed that Chang had wavered, and they were trying to take the opportunity to topple him.

"Our priority," Balalaika said, silkily, "has always been to maintain the status quo here in Roanapur. To that end Hotel Moscow have always been happy to call the Triad an ally. I am here simply for assurance that you haven’t put the wellbeing of one girl above that."

Chang stubbed out his cigarette.

"Someone took something that belonged to me," he said, slowly, his voice low to ensure the others had to listen closely. Astrid bristled, but said nothing. Chang picked up his glass from the table and drank from it, slowly. "It was a personal attack. And you're God damn right that I made an example of them. I couldn't let that level of disrespect slide. My intention was to leave no one in any doubt of exactly what happens to people who think they can fuck with me." The threat was veiled, but it was there. Silence followed.

"It wasn't just the kidnapping," the other man, Wu, said, moving on, beaten on that front. "What about the incident with the 14K in Chicago?" Astrid felt a small shock run through her, like she'd missed a step going down stairs.

"What about Chicago?" Chang asked, his voice measured, but sounding like a man who would only humour his companions for so long.

"You ordered a hit on a man in Chicago, a known trafficker." _Jake_ , Astrid thought. "A trafficker who was working for the 14K Triad in the area. And not just any hit, either. I saw the photographs."

"The 14K are not our allies," Chang said.

"They aren't our enemies, either," Zhang retorted, "and we want to keep it that way. It took a lot of smoothing over, that hit. It was seen as a sign of disrespect."

"It was meant as such," Chang informed them.

"It was meant as revenge," Wu corrected, beginning to lose his cool, "for this girl," he jabbed a finger in Astrid's direction. Chang slammed his glass down on the table, making Astrid, along with Wu, jump.

"I've had enough of this," he told them, his voice more dangerous than Astrid had ever heard it. "The Triad affords its members autonomy, freedom to act as they see fit. That's the way it's always worked, and that is how it will continue to work. My judgement has never been in question. By my judgement, and my actions, is this city still standing; a city, I might add, that provides ample profit and business opportunities for Hong Kong. And rest assured, Miss Balalaika," he continued, now turning his attention to the Russian, "that my commitment to this city, and our mutual benefit, has never wavered."

"Well," Balalaika said, an amused smile on her face, "that's good enough for me." The men from Hong Kong looked sour. Chang had beaten them. Balalaika's eyes turned on Astrid for a moment, and this time Astrid met her gaze. Balalaika smiled. There was no warmth in it.

"Then we're done here," Chang said, standing up, "if you'll excuse me, Balalaika, I have business to attend to. Gentlemen." The meeting was over.

 

Astrid slipped out onto the balcony while Chang and Balalaika went through the pleasantries (what was left of them) and smaller business details with Zhang and Wu. She took out a cigarette and lit it, looking out over the city. That seemed to have gone well; Chang came out on top, at least. Astrid thought there was no longer any danger to his position. But something still didn't feel right about the whole thing.

She heard the door sliding open, and turned, expecting Chang, possibly Cho, but not who stepped out onto the balcony.

Balalaika closed the door behind her and approached Astrid, who glanced inside to see the others dispersing. She was still smoking her cigar, which Astrid could smell strongly. Boris was standing by the door, his back to them.

"Well, well, well," Balalaika said, smiling in a way that put Astrid's back up, "you've caused quite a stir, do you know that? It's been interesting to see Chang wrong footed, for once. You must really be something special, to be worth it." The taller woman raised an eyebrow as she looked down at Astrid, who said nothing and focused instead on trying to keep her face neutral. Balalaika tutted and raised the hand holding her cigar to Astrid's bruised and cut cheek, giving it a gentle pinch. The smoke from her cigar made Astrid's eyes water.

"Such a pretty face," she said, feigning sympathy, "what a shame... well, you can push past a few scars. Take it from me." She removed her hand and took a drag of her cigar, blowing the smoke out in front of her, and for a moment all Astrid could see was a haze of grey smoke and piercing blue eyes. "Still nothing to say?"

A million smart ass retorts flitted through Astrid's mind, but she kept her mouth shut.

"Hmmm. And I'd heard you were mouthy. Maybe you've finally learned something. Well, let’s see if you can't keep it up and learn something from me, now." Astrid listened intently, and Balalaika paused for effect. "This," she gestured to Astrid's bruised face, "will happen again. As long as you're with him, it will happen again. You're not his wife, and so aren't afforded the same protection- that's just the way it works in our world. And you don't want that, do you? You want your freedom, to keep working your little hit jobs, with a target on your back. A point of weakness for him. And he knows it."

Astrid's eyes narrowed slightly.

"Thank you for your concern," she said, taking a leaf out of Chang's book, keeping her voice level, her head cool, "but I don't plan on letting anyone else get the drop on me like that again."

Balalaika laughed and finished her cigar, tossing it onto the floor. "That's what you think now, little volchitsa," she told her. "If you don't want to take my advice, then take this next piece; as long as you are dear to that man, sleep with one eye open. And shoot straight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Volchitsa is Russian for "she wolf."


	21. (I Just) Died In Your Arms

It was past midnight before Chang and Astrid found themselves alone. He mixed two drinks for them while Astrid smoked out on the balcony. The weather was still cooler than usual, with a slight breeze coming in off the ocean. The city glittered beneath Astrid, looking almost pretty, in its own dirty, neon kind of way.

Chang had been silent since the meeting had ended. Something was wrong, Astrid was sure. She just knew it. She could feel it in her gut.  She kept waiting for him to talk to her, for everything to become clear again, but the longer it went on the more afraid of the truth she became.

"Are we okay?" she asked when he stepped out on the balcony, ice clinking in the glasses he carried. He stood next to her, leaning on the balcony wall, putting their glasses down on top of it. He smelled familiar to her, now, and Astrid breathed deeply, taking in that heady mix of his cologne and the ocean breeze.

"In what sense?"

"With Hong Kong," Astrid said, "is everything okay now?" Chang took a slow breath, and didn't immediately answer. He drained half of his glass.

"Yeah, baby," he told her, finally, "everything's fine." He put a hand on her cheek, turning her face to his. The moonlight lit her beautifully, even with the cuts and bruises. Astrid was about to open her mouth to ask if he was sure, thinking about what Balalaika had said. Something was up with him, she could tell. But Chang kissed her, stopping her from speaking.

They had sex that night, slowly, carefully, Chang doing the work while trying not to hurt Astrid. It was nothing like the times they'd fucked in the past, but the difference wasn't a bad thing. There was almost a quiet desperation in the way he touched her, Astrid thought later. He spent a lot of time roaming over her body, like he was memorising every inch. But maybe she was imagining things that hadn't been there, knowing what she knew now.

 

Chang woke before Astrid, as he usually did. She was getting dressed when he re-entered the room, fully dressed himself in his usual suit and tie, sunglasses and all, carrying a briefcase.

"What's that?" She asked, and Chang stood stiffly, not smiling at her.

"It's for you," he told her. He put the case down on the bed without ceremony, and Astrid stared at him for a moment, trying to catch his eye, to make him look at her, which was impossible when his eyes were concealed behind those glasses. Finally, she turned to the case and clicked it open.

"What is this?"

The briefcase was filled with cash, large bills, and Astrid knew without looking they'd be non-sequential and well laundered. It had to be close to $100,000... no, it would be $100,000 exactly, she was sure. On top was an American passport, and a folder with other documents. Astrid picked up the passport and opened it.

Her own face stared back at her, next to the name _Alys Woodhouse_ , aged 25, her age, but with a different birth date.

"Bai?" He walked away from her, over to the bar, pouring himself a drink, even though it was early. Her heart was in her throat, beating hard. This didn't feel real. She picked up the folder and looked inside. There was a birth certificate, a high school diploma, and even a driver’s license. A plane ticket. "Bai?" she repeated, her voice growing louder, "what the fuck is this?"

"It's for you," he answered her, finally, looking at her from behind his sunglasses. "For you to get out of here."

"Out of where?"

"Out of Roanapur. Out of the country. You can't stay here."

"The fuck I can't," Astrid told him, standing up, "Bai, what are you... you want me to leave?"

"No," Chang shook his head, "I don't want you to leave-"

"Then what-"

"I need you to leave." Astrid stared at him. "You're not safe here. What happened before could happen again, and I can't have that. I promised you that I would keep you safe. This is me keeping that promise."

"Did Balalaika get to you?" Astrid ran a hand through her hair, trying to process what was happening. "It this because I'm a _‘point of weakness’_ , for you? Because of what Hong Kong said?"

"This isn't coming from Balalaika," Chang said, dodging the question, "it's coming from me. Leave Roanapur, Astrid. Make a fresh start, somewhere else. You can have a real life. A better life." Astrid stared in stunned silence for a while.

A real life. This was her life. This was who she was. No amount of money and fake qualifications would change that. 

"When did you decide to do this?" she asked, realisation dawning on her. Even Chang couldn't get a passport, documents, and money together overnight. Suddenly the last two weeks, how he had behaved last night, and the night before that, took on a different light. "How long have you known you were going to try and send me away?"

He didn't answer.

"No," she said, finally, her voice rising again, emotional, and Chang removed his sunglasses, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Astrid-"

"No. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving the city, and I'm not leaving you. No."

"Astrid, don't be difficult, not now, not about this," Chang pleaded. "You need to leave."

"You don't decide what I do," Astrid told him, standing before him with her feet planted, her hands balled into fists, "you don't just tell me to leave." Chang sighed.

"I'm telling you now. Trust me, Astrid, this is for the best." He put his sunglasses back on.

"This is as much my city as it is yours!"

Chang's dark glasses glinted as he looked at her, his expression hard.

"This is my city," he said, turning his back on her. "Get out."

 

Astrid sat on the hard floor of her small apartment, numb.

The briefcase from Chang was on her bed, closed. Several hours had passed, and the room was dark. Light from the streetlights outside streamed in through the metal blinds, the shadows looking like bars all around her room. An open bottle of whiskey was on the floor next to her, Astrid's hand clamped around the neck.

She raised it to her lips and drank.

The case kept drawing her eye, the most vivid thing in the room. $100,000. What she wouldn't have done for that kind of money only a few weeks ago. The jobs she would have taken, the shit she would have put up with.

She didn't want it like this, though.

Astrid tried to imagine taking the briefcase, packing up her few possessions, and leaving Roanapur. The plane ticket to the States was for tomorrow night. For the first time in almost a decade she would be back in the U.S., as Alys Woodhouse.

Thinking about it made her feel detached from her body, like an outsider watching a pretence of a girl. The thought of going back made her chest constrict. The girl who had been born an American, who might have lived her whole life out in Chicago, was dead. Anything other than blue open skies and the sea, other than complete freedom, felt like a cage.

She thought about the people she had killed. First as a soldier, then for money. She'd killed to move up in the world, to get paid. There was no going back. She hadn't even looked behind before she slit her first marks throat. She didn't want to look behind now.

Chang's actions felt like a betrayal. The man who had given her this briefcase wasn't one she recognised. He was cold, as distant from her as if he were on another planet. For the last two years of her life, Chang had always been there to save her. Now what he thought would save her was killing her inside. He didn't know what she needed.

No one was going to come get her out of this, this time. So, what was she going to do?

Astrid sat on the floor all night, drinking slowly, thinking. She thought about Chang, everything she had learned about and from him, and about the Triad, in the last two years. Everything she had learned while living at HQ the last two weeks. She thought about the city, it's heartbeat as familiar to her as her own, it's streets like the back of her hand. She thought back to her military training, running tactics and scenarios in her head. The sun rose slowly. By the time her room was bathed in golden light, filtered through the blinds, she had a plan.

She would have to move quickly. The plane ticket Chang had given her was for that night, and if she wasn't on the flight he would know, she was sure. She couldn't be where he could find her when he found out. Astrid got up, feeling steady and calm despite the whiskey she had imbibed. She had made up her mind. She changed clothes, packed a small bag, strapped her Beretta to her thigh, filling her jacket pockets with ammo and money, not all the money Chang had given her, but enough, a couple of stacks. The rest she hid under the loose floorboard she used, still in the briefcase, with the rest of her meagre savings, suddenly much supplemented. Astrid left the passport and documents in the briefcase. She didn't want to use them, half felt like setting fire to the lot, and if things went badly it was unlikely that she would be in any position to be using a passport, but there was always a chance. Finally, she shoved any would be essentials that weren't in her small bag under the floorboard, on top of the briefcase. Things like the TV and her now broken CD player she could leave, but most of her clothes had to be hidden. The goal was to make it look like she had left. 

Astrid locked up and went with Chang's money to the best gun shop in Roanapur.

She was betting everything on what she knew about the man whose bed she had shared on and off for two years. If she was right, her plan should work. If it had all been a lie, she'd likely not live out the next 72 hours.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to the (I Just) Died In Your Arms remix by Hidden Citizens while I wrote this, fits better than the original.


	22. Paint It Black

Chang didn't look at Astrid's retreating back as she left his rooms, slamming the door behind her. He couldn't bring himself to. He couldn't watch her walk out of his life forever, his last glimpse of her of the back of her dark head, angry, hurt, because of him.

For the last time, because of him.

He walked over to the chair where just two nights ago he had sat with Astrid in his lap, and sat down, his arms resting on his knees. Chang drank his whiskey slowly, not moving from his position.

Panic rose in his throat, sudden and unbidden. He was making a mistake. How could he let her go? Once she left Roanapur, he might never be able to find her again. All at once a life without her smile seemed incomprehensible.

Chang stayed firm, sitting as still as a statue, his muscles tensed, until the urge to run after her, to send people to her apartment to stop her leaving, faded. He had been battling with this for weeks, and had made his decision. He had to let her go. He couldn't guarantee her safety if she stayed. She was a pressure point for him, one his enemies would use against him. Unbidden, images of Astrid lying on a slab in a morgue, beautiful face bloodied, eyes blank, flashed before his mind. The same images he had fought the whole time she had been missing. Every time one of his men came to him with news during that time he had expected the worst. He had imagined hearing the words, identifying her body, the crushing guilt he would feel holding her small, cold hand in his own, for the last time. He imagined living the rest of his life without her, knowing it was his fault.

This was preferable. Chang took out a cigarette and lit it, turning his silver lighter over and over in his hand. He looked out at the balcony, where he would often smoke, more so since Astrid had come into his life. He couldn't bring himself to step out there, now.

Their last night together had been bittersweet, tinged with the knowledge of what he was about to do. Knowing it was the last time, and knowing that she didn't know. There was no way he could have told her. Stubborn, impulsive Astrid, with her hot temper. He couldn't have told her of his plan until it was already in place. Selfishly he had kept quiet, to steal that last night with her. He had tried to burn the image of her beneath him for the last time into his memory, wishing all the time that he had paid better attention all the other times they had been together, thinking they had forever. He should have remembered every detail.

There were a lot of things he should have done.

A long time passed. Then, a knock on the door.

"Dailo?" Chang sighed, not turning.

"What is it?"

"Miss Balalaika is on the phone, sir." Chang pushed his sunglasses up and rubbed his eyes for a moment. The city didn't stop, no matter how much you might want it to.

 

Chang tried to keep his focus on the matter at hand, but he was distracted. The joint venture with Hotel Moscow had been in the works for some time, and it wasn't something that could be put off. Sensitive information would soon be entering the city, information that was worth a lot of money. A lot of organisations would want to get their hands on it, but the Triad had received a tip that would put them ahead of the pack. The military precision of Hotel Moscow would be an asset in this operation. It was a tricky one, with a lot that could go wrong, and required his full attention. But Chang kept looking at the clock.

The flight he had booked for Astrid was at 6pm that evening. Once she got on that flight- if she got in that flight- she would likely be lost to him for good. Once she landed he had no way of tracking her. If she kept the fake name he had chosen for her, there was a chance, but if not...

Forcing himself to stop that train of thought, Chang turned his attention back to the operation.

 

6pm came and went. He had put someone in charge of checking whether the plane ticket was used, one of his tech guys, and requested a report either way. It would come soon, he knew. Chang didn't know what he wanted to hear.

6:02. Where was that man?

Finally, a knock on his office door.

"Yes?" A nervous looking young man entered, and Chang waited for him to start. He said nothing. "Well?"

"She- the plane ticket wasn't used, sir." Chang stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray in front of him.

"She didn't get on the flight."

"No, sir."

_Goddammit, Astrid._

But that didn't necessarily mean anything. She had taken the briefcase after all, with the money and fake identity. Maybe she had decided to go somewhere other than the States. Chang knew she didn't have fond memories of the place.

"Send someone to her apartment. Send-" he had been about to say Cho, before remembering Cho was working the joint Hotel Moscow job, "send Tao."

"Yes, sir." He left.

Agitated, Chang turned his attention to the map of Roanapur on the wall. Hotel Moscow would largely oversee the tactical details, of identifying possible problems in the field, examining the area for vantage points and exits. But Chang didn't like to be out of the loop, and he didn't like to leave things to chance. In this business, you couldn't plan for everything, but you could sure as hell try.

The sky outside slowly darkened.

 

 

Another knock on his office door, sooner than he had expected. But then he looked outside, and saw that several hours had passed.

"Yes."

Tao entered. Chang waited for the report.

"No answer at her apartment, sir," he told him, "we entered, but there was no one there. The place looked cleared out. Like she left in a hurry."

A wave of feeling Chang hadn't been prepared for washed over him.

"Thank you, Tao," he said, effectively dismissing him, and turned back to the map. He heard the door click shut.

So, she had left, after all. That was good, he told himself. But he had no idea what her plan was, or where she was going. If not to the States, then possibly anywhere. He'd have no way to find her. No way to know if she was alright.

Chang didn't sleep that night. He spent the night in his office, drinking, reading reports from Hong Kong, going over the particulars of the upcoming operation in his mind and on the map. As much as he tried not to, he couldn't help wondering where Astrid was now. Was she safe? Was she alone? Did she have somewhere to stay for the night?

He would have to get used to not knowing. Astrid could take care of herself. She had done so for years, before he had met her, and she would do so again. But for the past two years he had been there to catch her if she fell, a safety net. It was hard to let go.

 

He must have dozed off at his desk. The early morning sun woke him, and Chang opened his eyes, disgruntled. He had a headache. He made his way up to his rooms, ordering breakfast on the way. By the time he had finished showering it was ready.

Chang ate and dressed, impeccable as always in a black suit and tie, crisp white shirt. Black sunglasses came last, as always. It wouldn't do to look anything less than completely together, especially in front of Balalaika. A good appearance was a sign of pride, in yourself and your work, and looking dishevelled was a sign of weakness, something some of the so-called crime lords in this city never understood.

The morning and afternoon passed slowly, tediously. Chang knew that Hotel Moscow were also waiting for the go that could come at any time, some of their men on surveillance. When the time came Balalaika would make her way to Triad headquarters, their base for this operation.

Today, Chang didn't like waiting.

Hours passed. It was dark before he heard anything.

A knock on his office door.

"What?" Chang answered, sounding more irritated than he would have liked.

"Sorry, sir," his man said, bowing, "the mark is on the move, sir. The operation will be underway, shortly." Chang nodded.

"Is Miss Balalaika here, yet?"

"On her way, sir."

"Good. Send her in here, when she arrives. Bring in the radio equipment." It was time to stop thinking about Astrid. He had a job to do.

 

"Good evening, Chang," Balalaika greeted him as she entered his office, "it's a good night for it."

"Balalaika," Chang replied, smiling at the Russian, "thank you for joining us on this. You decided, in the end, to leave the combat to your men?"

"I think the Sergeant can handle this one, don't you?" Balalaika sat in one of the chairs Chang had provided. On the table before them was a radio, it's operator nearby.

"I quite agree," Chang said, "that's always how I like to do things, anyway. Can we get this radio up and running?" he added to his men, and Balalaika nodded to the solider at her right who stepped forward and provided the frequency. Chang sat down and lit up a cigarette, offering his lighter to Balalaika for her cigar, and pushing the ashtray towards her.

The radio crackled.

_"Kapitan?"_

"Sergeant," Balalaika responded, "are you in position?"

_"Roger, Kapitan."_

"Cho," Chang interjected, "you're there too?"

 _"Yes, sir,"_ came the reply.

"Good. Let's make this a clean one."

_"Roger that."_

There was crackle on the radio for a moment, while Chang looked to the map on the wall, at the spot where Boris and Cho were lying in wait, along with a few select members of the Triad. They were on a rooftop, where they would have the best vantage point. Elsewhere in the city, more of their men were keeping eyes on the target. Several outsiders had been brought in for this operation, the local criminals of Roanapur who could be trusted to handle small stuff without fuss and for a fee. It was essential not to spook this guy too early, or he'd disappear like a rat into the crisscrossing network of the city.

There were other organisations who were going to try and grab the disc, as well as some small-time criminals who were out of their depth, and didn't know it. The tip the Triad had received on the target should keep them far enough ahead of the pack for that not to matter.

More radio, static, then Boris' voice.

 _"Kapitan,"_ he said, _"we might have a problem."_

Balalaika looked at Chang before answering.

"What problem, sergeant?"

 _"Two of our hires have been taken out,"_ came the reply, and Chang stood up, his hands on the desk, _"we still have eyes on the target, but he's been diverted."_

"Take care of it, Sergeant," Balalaika ordered, "we've put too much time into planning this operation to lose the disc now."

 _"Roger, Kapitan."_ Balalaika looked over the table at Chang, blowing out a stream of cigar smoke.

"You know anything about this, baby?" she asked, eyebrow raised.

"No," Chang replied through gritted teeth, "not a damned thing."

"Another organisation trying to get in on the action, perhaps?"

Chang sat back down. "Possibly," he said, "oh well. Can't say I wasn't expecting that. What I do wonder, though, is how they got in so quickly?"

"Hmmm," Balalaika mused in agreement, "it's almost as if they had access to our information-"

She was interrupted by a crackle from the radio.

 _"We've identified the problem,"_ Boris' voice crackled over the radio, _"gunman, in an abandoned building not far from here. Sniper. Appears to be acting alone; there's no one else in the vicinity."_

"A sniper?" Balalaika asked, sharply.

 _"Affirmative,"_ came the reply through the static, _"they've just taken out members of another organisation making a move on the target. We have eyes on the enemy. Appears to be a woman, medium build, no visible identifying features. We have a shot."_

A sniper. A woman.

Realisation hit Chang like a bullet.

"Don't shoot!" he said, standing up again, slamming his hands down on the desk, "don't take the shot, damn it! Stand down!"

Balalaika stared at Chang. The radio crackled.

_"Kapitan?"_

Chang's heart was racing, and panic like he'd rarely known was flooding him. He gripped the table, knuckles white, waiting for the reply from Balalaika, for more information to come through the radio. He needed to know what was going on. He needed to be there.

Balalaika's response seemed to take eons.

"Stand down, sergeant."

 _"Affirmative,"_ Chang breathed a sigh of relief, _"target appears to be in her sights. Target down."_

"Can you still get the disc, sergeant?" Balalaika asked, not taking her pale blue eyes off Chang, who remained standing, not looking at her, instead staring at the radio as though if he looked hard enough he could see what was going on with his own eyes instead of having to wait for information which now felt agonisingly slow.

 _"Negative,"_ Boris replied, _"not without taking out the sniper. We have no men close enough."_

"You still have eyes on the target, sergeant?"

_"Affirmative-"_

Chang lost patience with the military back and forth. "Cho," he demanded, "tell me what's going on."

 _"She's on the target, sir,"_ Cho replied, _"she'll have the disc by now."_ Chang's breathing grew heavy with anger.

"Abort the mission," he ordered.

 _"Yes, sir."_ The radio went dead.

Chang strode out of his office without a word, without looking at Balalaika, anger rising in his chest. No one followed him. He stopped only when he was alone. He threw the glass he was still holding at the wall, where it shattered.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like last time, song I listened to was the remix by Hidden Citizens.


	23. I'll Show You How to Win

It's always a good idea to hold something back, in case you need it. A skill your enemies- or your friends- don't know about. That's what Chang had told her, years ago, when he had given her her first job.

Astrid had heard a lot while she had been staying at the Triad's headquarters. One of those things had been the tip that came in regarding their next operation, the requisition of a disc with sensitive material on it, a disc that would be worth a lot of money in the right hands.

She had taken Chang's money and bought a sniper rifle, top of the range. It had cost a small fortune, and was even better than the one she had used in the Israeli army. It had been years, but as soon as she'd held the rifle again, put her eye to the scope, it was like no time had passed. She dressed in dark, form fitting clothes, the best not to be spotted. Then it was just a matter of getting into position, and waiting.

She was betting everything on Chang not being able to kill her. Putting all her trust in what they had. There was no way anyone else would have been able to pull off a stunt like this, not alone, against both the Triad and Hotel Moscow. Her relationship with Chang would either be a shield, or her death warrant.

It was a gamble Astrid decided she was willing to take.

 

Balalaika entered Chang's office for the second time in 24 hours, carrying a folder which she tossed down on the desk, the contents spilling out.

Astrid hadn't left Roanapur. Instead, she had screwed him.

"Aurora Levy," Balalaika said, her voice like ice. Chang looked at the contents of the folder, mostly pictures, now strewn over his desk. Pictures of her. "Israeli Defence Forces, five years. A decorated sniper, before she absconded in 1993. Real name, Astrid Knight."

Chang shifted through the pictures of Astrid. In one she looked much younger, her hair long and curly, dressed in a green flannel and standing before a view of a forest, smiling. In another she was in the military, her hair cut shorter, flanked by two other girls, all of them with guns slung over their hips, all smiling. In another she stood in front of a tank. Yet another found her with her eye to the scope of a sniper rifle.

"American citizen," Balalaika continued, speaking more quickly, her voice growing angrier, "Chicago, originally, military family, parents killed in a friendly fire incident. Trafficked onto the continent in 1987. Do I need to go on?"

Chang looked up at Balalaika, slowly, his glasses flashing. He wasn't in the mood to be tested.

"Did you know about this?"

"Yes."

"And you said nothing?"

"It was irrelevant." Balalaika laughed.

"Irrelevant? That girl has stolen from us, Chang." Chang silently fumed. Balalaika sighed. "She'll be in touch soon, I'm sure," she continued, suddenly sounding calmer.

"Yes," Chang agreed. He'd already thought this through. "That disc is worthless to her. She can't sell it on her own. It wasn't about that."

"What is she after?" Balalaika lit up a cigar, "money?"

"Most certainly."

"And?" Chang paused.

"I don't know," he lied.

 

Astrid didn't return to her apartment after she got her hands on the disc. She knew Chang would have people watching it. He would have people looking for her, but she knew the city, and was able to slip through it like a ghost.

She called Triad HQ from a payphone the next day to set up the meeting with Chang and Balalaika. She was walking right into the lion’s den, but so far, she was still alive. That meant that her gamble had paid off; Chang hadn't been willing to kill her. She had to hope he hadn't changed his mind.

Somehow, she didn't think he had.

Astrid stowed the sniper rifle she had bought in a secure location, before depositing the disc at another. She kept her head down, not wanting to be seen. The city was buzzing with what had happened, which was exactly what she wanted, but getting caught now would be bad.

She entered Triad headquarters with her Beretta strapped to her thigh, next to her right hand, safety off, and lowered the hood of her dark sweatshirt. You could have cut the tension in the building with a knife. Men who Astrid had called friend were now watching her with hard, blank expressions, all armed. It was Cho who met her. He too had a gun.

"Astrid," he said, with a small grimace.

"Cho." He walked with her to the elevator, and together they stepped inside.

"I hope you know what you're doing, kid," he said once the doors closed and they were alone.

"I do," Astrid replied, "don't worry, Cho."

"I've never seen the boss so angry."

"Bai will understand, in the end," Astrid watched the floors tick by. "He's a business man. He'll be angry for a while, but I think one day he will understand."

Cho looked at her for a moment.

"You've grown up," he said, suddenly. "How did I not notice?" Astrid smiled

"It was about time I did, I think."

The elevator doors opened. Chang stood before them, alone. Waiting.

"Astrid," he said, not wasting any time, not even looking at Cho, "don't do this. If you do this, I can't protect you." Astrid didn't want to do this to him. But it was necessary.

"You couldn't protect me anymore, anyway," she answered, "that's the point, Bai. It's past time I took my life back."

Chang stared at her. In the short time they shared a look, two years’ worth of history passed between them. This thing between them that they had built together, beautiful in all its flaws, a private history no one else understood. Then he turned, and entered the office, letting Astrid follow him. The door clicked shut behind her, leaving the three of them alone.

Balalaika was seated, smoking a cigar. She stood up when Chang and Astrid entered.

"Your plan to dissuade her didn't work, I take it?" she said. "Good. Then we can get started." She blew out a stream of smoke, her eyes finding Astrid's, who for once held her gaze. "You've caused a lot of trouble for us, volchitsa. Who knew you had such a capability for causing chaos?" She approached Astrid, her heels clicking on the wood floor, until they were eye to eye. "Usually, if any individual interferes with my profits, I deal with them without mercy. Do you understand, little one?"

"Yes," Astrid replied, unwavering.

Balalaika's steel blue eyes, the right surrounded by a deep scar, stared into Astrid's, reading what she found there.

Acquiring valuable information out from under the noses of two of the most formidable bosses in Roanapur hadn't been about the money for Astrid. Of course, if this meeting went well, she could expect a nice pay day, enough that, along with the money Chang had gifted her, she could take control of her life. But really it had been about the message. The message to the Triad and Hotel Moscow, to Chang and his enemies, to the whole city. In one night Astrid had distinguished herself from Chang, once and for all. Established herself as a force in her own right. One not to be toyed with. 

"It seems you listen more closely than I anticipated, after all," Balalaika told her, a small smile on her lips. For the first time Astrid thought she discerned something else in the Russian's expression, something new; respect. She turned from Astrid and walked over to Chang's desk, tapping ash into the ashtray there. Chang himself, who had been watching the exchange, now watched only Astrid.

"So, tell me, little she-wolf," Balalaika continued, "what are your terms? What kind of deal do you want to make? We both know that disc alone is worthless to you, without the contacts to sell it."

"I think you'll find my terms reasonable," Astrid said, the thrill of victory beginning to rise in her chest. "Fifteen percent of the overall profits from the sale of the disc."

"Five percent."

"Ten."

"Done." Balalaika extended her hand to Astrid, who approached the other woman and shook it. "Unless you have any objections, Chang."

"None what so ever," Chang replied, his voice deceptively level, watching the two women deal in front of him.

"Excellent." Balalaika released Astrid's hand, and Astrid took the opportunity to look at Chang. It was impossible to tell if he was meeting her gaze, with his eyes hidden behind his sunglasses. "Now, tell me; may Hotel Moscow still rely on your services in the future?"

"My services," Astrid replied, her eyes moving from Chang and back to Balalaika, "have changed." Balalaika raised an eyebrow in only half-feigned interest. " For starters, I won't pose as a hooker for a hit, anymore," she began.

"Oh?"

"Yes. It doesn't exactly command respect." Balalaika smiled, as though Astrid had finally arrived at a conclusion she had been waiting for her to get to for a while. "My prices will be higher. For that increase, I will now offer my services as a sniper." Balalaika nodded.

"Anything else?"

"Yes," Astrid continued, "I also offer my services as a translator, such as they are. Arabic and Hebrew. And, for the rare jobs involving the exchange of goods or information, I want a percentage of the profits. Five percent."

Balalaika turned Astrid's new rates over in her mind for a quick moment.

"Your services as a sniper will, I'm sure, be utilised," she told her, "and I will bear you in mind for translation, should the need arise. For goods and information, you will be payed a flat fee, plus expenses. However," Balalaika took one last drag from her cigar, before stubbing it out in the ashtray, "should you, in your work, come across anything worth selling, any information we might find interesting, Hotel Moscow will pay you a seven percent fee for first look rights."

"Done."

"Balalaika-" Chang interjected, speaking for the first time in a while.

"What's the matter, Chang?" Balalaika responded, "Hotel Moscow and the Triad are, after all, allies. What's mine is yours. Isn't that so?" Chang took a slow breath.

"That is how we do things, yes," he conceded.

"Then there's no problem." Balalaika picked up her coat, draping it over her shoulders, and made for the door. "My people will be in touch to get the disc. Till next time, Chang. It's been interesting." Astrid could hear the smile in her voice.

The door shut, leaving Chang and Astrid alone. There was silence between them for a long time, Chang leaning on his desk, his eyes seeming to not leave her face. The face he thought he had known so well, still bruised, with red cuts slowly fading, now shining in a different light.

"You used me," he said, finally. Astrid sighed.

"No," she said, and Chang pushed off his desk to pace around the room.

"You used how I felt about you to extort me and my business," he told her, "you used the fact that I couldn't kill you to beat me."

"I knew you'd see it that way," Astrid's voice remained calm, almost understanding.

"And how do you see it?"

"I was betting on you. That I knew you. Betting my life on it."

Chang lit up a cigarette, not offering her one.

"Whatever you want to call it," he said, "it amounts to the same thing." He looked at her steadily. "You got what you wanted."

 _Not everything I wanted_ , Astrid thought. But there would always have to be sacrifices. She had known, from the day she first met him and felt what he stirred inside her, that there would be consequences to knowing this man. Not like this; she had never imagined this.

But now Astrid was prepared to take the consequences as they came.

She approached Chang, who's cigarette was slowly turning to ash in his hand, resting on his desk. Reaching up, she removed his sunglasses and placed them on the hardwood surface. She looked into his eyes, and he looked back, really looked.

She wasn't the girl he had met two years ago. Now she was who she always could have become. Strong, steady, blood soaked. A long path behind her, a longer one ahead. Gun in one hand, his heart in the other.

Astrid leaned up and kissed him gently on the cheek, breathing him in one last time. She left without another word, leaving Chang alone.


	24. Epilogue

A storm was brewing out over the South China sea that night, the air thick with anticipation. The wind kicked up the waves, and thunder rolled in from the ocean. When it hit Roanapur it would be a big one.

Chang sat alone in his high rise, staring out the large windows, looking at the ocean. It was twilight, the sky slowly darkening, far away clouds billowing. He had told his men not to disturb him.

Two years ago, Astrid had entered his life like a lightning strike. Impulsive, immature, stubborn, smart mouthed and beautiful, her mind always working in ways he couldn't begin to pin down. He had thought then that he could hold onto her, but he could no more hold water in his clasped hands. In two years the little girl with the dead parents and no country had turned into the woman who had successfully out-smarted not only him, but many of his best men.

Despite himself, Chang couldn't help but feel a small swell of pride.

The phone rang. Not the phone on his desk; the cell phone he kept in a drawer. Only one person had the number for that phone. Chang answered.

"Well, I have to say," he said, "this is a surprise. I didn't expect to be hearing from you."

The voice that replied was digitally scrambled.

_"Then you must be losing your touch, Chang. After the week you've had, you should have expected a call."_

"Now what could you be referring to?" Chang asked, pouring himself a drink. "All things considered, this week has been a success." It was true. They had sold the disc for two million, Hotel Moscow and the Triad splitting the profits, after Astrid's ten percent cut.

_"That's not what it looks like from where we're sitting. Anyone would think you were losing control, Chang. Letting your girlfriend get the better of you like that."_

On the other end of the line, Eda was sitting in a pew in the rip-off church, her feet up on the bench in front, staring up at the vaulted ceiling. Who knew Asti was more than just a stripper who turned out to be good with a gun? Israeli military... it almost made her laugh out loud just to remember finding that out.

"I assure you," came Chang's reply, "my control is still absolute. Is that all this call is about, Mr. CIA?" There was a chuckle on the other end.

 _"Consider this a courtesy call, Chang,"_ Eda, her voice scrambled beyond recognition, told him, _"pretty girl, that one. And military. Israeli, at that."_ She could picture Chang's hand tensing around the glass he was no doubt holding, his expression hard, as he imagined her with a photograph of Astrid. If only he knew a photo was the last thing she needed. _"That's of interest to us. She could come in useful. I'd keep one eye on her, if I were you."_ Eda hung up, having said all she needed to ensure Chang got the message. She was headed to the Yellow Flag that night; Astrid would be there, and she was buying.

Chang held the phone in his hand, listening to the dial tone. The knuckles on the hand wrapped around his drink were white. Far out at sea, lightning struck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it to the end, comment and let me know what you thought! 
> 
> Hopefully you have a picture of Astrid in your mind, but if like me you like to have a face to go with the name, here is the closest I've found to how I picture her: i.imgur.com/ySyC5HD.jpg i.imgur.com/hdxKmdy.jpg


End file.
